Piles

KB at The Pennsy, a new Niki/KB Territory to meet to Chat (Food Hall with Vegan options for Nik)

The creepy shot that inspired Niki's photo above...Jon capturing me listening to tunes and painting while I did not know he was home

So life keeps going. I'm feeling 40, for sure, but not in negative ways. I just need to go to bed by 10. Annnnd, so it goes.

Oh, and my back hurts tremendously. It feels like someone is stabbing a rusted sword right into my spinal discs. OH AND. My vision is near gone. I think my eye doctor lies to me when she says my eyes are in good shape. But whatever.

Today is my Dad's Labor Day / Retirement Party and I'm missing it. Hard for me. I really should be there. But if I go to the Midwest, my Mom expects time with her, too. And because of work, I cannot commit too many days off for that kind of thing.

I don't know. Everything is up in the air being tossed like a slab of pizza dough. I think Jon is breaking up with me. And I'm trying to determine whether or not I care.

Many complicated things happened in the past week. And I mean...isn't life just much easier if it's just you? 

I do this thing wherein I file "happy moments" into my brain per week. What made me "happy" this past week? Just one thing. I'm not asking for the Moon.

A lot of my "happy" has to do with Fitz. He gives me so much "happy." But he is not my kid. He's more like a new best friend. So there's that.

Last week, I made this glaze for salmon comprised of melted butter, lemon juice, crushed red pepper, garlic and salt and pepper and it turned the salmon into 5-star dinner, hands down! I've admittedly been coasting on this "happy" thing for days.

I'm working really steadily to become a Project Manager. I love my career. 

I think...I think I just don't know that I love anything else.

Fitz. Music. Painting. Cheese. Wine. Watching the weather shift. Taking the train. 

I mean...I guess I do love stuff?

Some days it just gets confusing.