January 01, 2012


Happy 2012, Internet et al! I'm back for another spin at this. 2011 and age 34 have come and gone with little noteworthy to mention in terms of accomplishment. Hmm, this is not entirely true, as I have made a very nice crowd of friends along the way...but this year, this #12, is going to be life-altering: I swear to it! Since I've not been writing here is not to say I've not been writing. Oh, I've been writing. Mostly poems. And that's been good. In August I took a fantastic voyage to visit Laura (IU) and her husband Seb (London) and their baby Ada (beautiful) in Chautauqua, New York (located around an hour and a half outside of Buffalo.) Chautauqua is a gated learning community for adults (they're kid-friendly also but it's primarily continued education for adults) which is only open for the summer months at which time lectures, workshops, symphonies, plays, brown bag lunches, orchestrated events, etc., all take place...so, since Laura and Seb had Ada back in the States from the UK and were not far from me and had a free pass for me to get in (a week pass into Chautauqua can run up to $400 and that's not inclusive of lodging) and a place for me to sleep and the chance for me to take a weeklong poetry workshop (bucket list item checked off! ding ding)...I went for it. It was likely one of the most incredible adventures I've had as an adult human - Laura had to work during the daytimes but no matter - I spent the afternoons after poetry just strolling the sprawling grounds and cooing over how quaint and cute. And the poetry workshop was precisely what I could have ever dreamed it to be for what it was (not to say I haven't envisioned a more impressionable lot of students to surround myself with, however I have experienced that here in New York, so it's good.) Being with Laura again was a reminder of how few and far between seriously quality people can be found.*I don't want to go into recapping minutia of my year. This isn't a post for that. This post is to declare the changes I wish my 2012 to encompass. So let's list, shall we?
  1. I resolve to make at least (3) things per week. This could/can/will include but shall not be limited to the following: a poem, a dinner, a painting, a blog post, a handwritten recipe card, a photograph, an Illustrator image, a handwritten journal entry, a handwritten note to a friend who lives far from me...and so forth. (3) things per week should be easy to create. That's roughly, say I devote an hour to each, (3) hours of my week. And again, I say at least meaning it'd be incredible to surpass that number. And hey, kicking off Day 1 of this journey, I will have managed to create a MINIMUM of (2) things in that I'm posting AND I'm about to go make Golden Winter Soup for my dear friend Sinead's New Year's Day Hair o'the Dog Potluck tonight in Brooklyn.
  2. I vow to throw things out. Now, whether this happens as a regular occurrence or a series of purges on rainy Sunday afternoons remains to be determined. But I've got accumulation of crap. I need to part with much of it. Clothing, old shoes, paraphernalia odds and ends bullshit that really doesn't need to linger in my life, especially considering the complete unknown of the end of 2012 for me which either finds me on the job hunt to stay in New York, or has the potential of shifting me from this comfort zone to some other in order to stay with my company. Of course, life change is always to be embraced so let come what may. Still, throwing things out is pivotal. It's just stuff, after all.
  3. This year, I will embrace love. This past year, I simply have not been interested in it. There was a guy...I met him and I really, really did feel compelled to like him, a lot. We remain in contact with each other but circumstantially it's difficult for reasons I do not wish to explore here however there are dozens of times I can recount wherein he wanted to get close and I pushed back, stopped taking his calls, discontinued texting, what have you. It hurt him, and again, he continues to communicate with me but I'm so reluctant right now to let anyone in and to run the risk of heartbreak that I have enclosed myself in a hard candy shell that is impenetrable. So this year, I will go out on limbs I have not let myself brave in a really long time. But I also won't settle into something just because it's something versus nothing. I'm too good for that. I only know that after a lot of years and tears and pain. Cheers, 2012, to all the love you may have to offer.
  4. I will return to good health again. I know how. I'm able. I've studied recipes, calories, nutritional balance, etc. I know now too that with my Mom having been diagnosed with breast cancer in November (another story, not for now, but she's in good condition having had a lumpectomy and her treatment is determined in a couple of weeks) that life is narrow and winding and really the only thing that helps us push through it is to feel good in the process. I haven't felt good this year. I've felt trampled, weak, defeated, ill-at-ease with life in a sweeping general sense. I remember when I was working out pretty regularly, how that felt...how my mood and my energy were at an all time explosive high. And food...I love cooking. Yes, there are nothing but the most amazing restaurants in this City. But financially and from a healthy diet perspective, I need to curtail my dining out habits. Let it be known that this item on the Resolutions List is not my favorite. Ha.
  5. This year, I turn 35. Ages are just numbers and numbers are nothing but they're permanent ink on the pages of life. I really, really want to have established some of my goals by my birthday mid-year. And in fact, I want to arrange a birthday for myself for Age 35 that will stain the existence of my being. I've thought of travel: I could go to London. I could take my Mom! I could drag a friend or two there and we'd visit my very recently reconnected friend Naturi (met her in Sharon Mesmer's prose/poetry workshop years ago here in the City and she's since published a memoir, which is simply breathtaking, and we hugged one million times when she was here in New York for a month earlier this year...) or maybe I could throw myself a raucous bash here in the City: invite every single person I've ever met, known, loved in this town and rent a private room at one of my favorite hot spots and we'd all eat, drink, cheers and be merry. And ring in my 35th year of life like banshees. And I'd even reach out to my out of town friends and invite them in, too! Whatever happens, this is. (--Adrienne Rich.) I just think it's something I need to keep listed on my Resolutions list because God forbid April 17th rolls over me and I sit in my apartment drinking wine and crying. NOT HAPPENING, UNIVERSE!
So, I've listed (5) highly ambitious, quite lofty Resolutions for my 2012. Oh, heh, I forgot - I also need to get my 4th and final tattoo. Another story for another time but I need to do it before my birthday. Ha, again, going back to numerology, but that's okay. I think I'm okay with having numbers dictate a little of who I am.

Happy 12.
Let's do this right.