Septembers

Oh, the smell of fall. So many memories are triggered by scents. I just yanked open my refrigerator door and the fresh garlic cloves that are in there lit up my kitchen with their scent...bought those for last night's dinner, a practice round of my mushroom lasagna for the cook off we're hosting at my place in October - me, Kim and Michael Chan. Autumn is one of my favorites. It's just too fleeting, however. These temperatures, the mild, yet cool breezes, the leaves in the breeze. I love New York City in the fall. So yes, Kim and Michael Chan and I are going to do a head to head to head combat with our respective mushroom lasagna recipes. It'll take place on a Sunday, lots of friends are invited - we'll see what the turnout winds up at, but it will be a nice fall Sunday with food and friends and booze and maybe some football on the tv as white noise, who knows.*I write coming down (or lasting on the plain) of a tremendous high from an indescribable weekend. Friday, didn't do much...drank a lot of wine with the roommate and his friends who were in town. Sent stupid texts. That's this day and age...it's no longer a drunk dial, it's a dumb text probably laden with misspellings and horribly awkward content. Anyway, I tried (and succeeded) in turning in early, because then Saturday morning I was to meet up with Kimchi Tran and her parents at Penn Station to travel out to Long Island for an all day autumn-esque adventure, inclusive of apple picking and wine tasting and homemade Vietnamese noodles prepared by Kim and her parents. I walked to Penn and Kim texted me to grab a ticket to Ronkonkoma. As I began punching the station name into the kiosk, Kim walked up and gave me a big hug, and right behind her were Mama and Daddy Tran...I hugged them both quickly as we were super tight on time, boarded our train, and then I got to actually speak with the Trans and get to know them. Oh, gosh. I don't know what to say other than heaven dropped the most amazing family into my life. I sent texts to Phi as we traveled eastbound, Guess who I'm with! They're amazing! etc.! And I could tell from his replies he was a little bit envious that we were all together (though I'm sure Cali has him more than preoccupied.) Mama and Daddy Tran are these saints, they're adorable, warm, embracing...so lovable with nothing but fantastic love emanating from them! We arrived in Ronkonkoma in no time, it felt like, because the conversations were so fun and smart, and Kim was texting with her friend Tara about our arrival. Tara and her husband Franco have a home in Medford (I think) where they are raising their son JD, and I'll get to him shortly. Tara picked us up and of course, she's this gorgeous Asian girl with stunning skin and features and personality. We arrive at her house, and Franco and JD had been sleeping...we enter in through the garage, and I swear, I went through about an hour's worth of deja vu. In the garage there were kids toys, my favorite? A little plastic Vespa, an actual Vespa! haha...and once inside, from around the corner appeared this pretty tall 2.5 year old cutie with thick dark hair and excited eyes. JD! Just emerging from a much needed slumber! And then Franco, right behind JD, this super cute Italian Long Island guy, Tara's husband. So, here I am standing in a Long Island kitchen with perhaps the most amazing humans ever created, Kim, her parents, Tara, Franco, JD. Needless to say, I felt overwhelmed. And blessed. And alive, and happy, and my heart overflowing with pride for having overcome something so sour and able to reach this bliss. Sorry for the tense transitioning back and forth - it's a habit I'd like to break sometime, haha!*We all loaded into 2 cars to travel further east. We stopped for sandwiches, then kept traveling eastbound to Hank's Farmstand where we bought bags to pick apples - lots of kinds of apples, all neatly lined in a row. Kim kept plucking apples to eat, we called them "community apples" as we passed them around for tasting, and JD had a magnificent time running from tree to tree to tree to yank apples off the limbs. After filling our bags to their limits, we wandered over to the pumpkin patch area and leisurely enjoyed that. The above posted photo are what I'm terming "ghost pumpkins" because they are white, and weird. We hung out in the beautiful weather for another hour or so, before crossing the street to a vineyard, where Kimchi, Tara and I shared a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc and the Trans shared a Rose and Franco abstained, as he is a beer guy, not into wine as much. JD played with his little matchbox cars, the weather remained impeccable and we were all just relaxed. Such a wonderful day. After some wine, we headed back to Tara and Franco's, where we indulged in the Trans' homemade Vietnamese, drank more wine, and I played for an hour with JD, who is one of the most handsome and amazing children, ever. He and I both broke into sweats and Franco even commented on it, how active JD and I were for an hour - it was so much fun. Franco commented to Kim that she might be being replaced as JD's affections go, haha! No way, JD adores Kim the most, but he and I had a blast. Upon JD's bedtime, the adults sat down for a raucous several hours of Bai Chung, a Vietnamese card game that was possibly one of the most addicting card games I've ever played. Kim and I drank an entire bottle of Franco's father's homemade Italian wine, while Kim's daddy drank Miller Lite with Franco. Tara and Franco met in high school. They've been together a hundred million years. They are so positively, absolutely, with their JD, the cutest progressive nuclear family I've seen. Happy together. Franco only has eyes for Tara (and JD, of course!) I can now see precisely why Kim spent so much of her summer out there. So much positive influence and energy!*After cards, Kimmy and I watched Pieces of April. I didn't make it all the way through, but she did, which I applauded her for the next day. In the morning, we woke up (Kim and I slept on the L-shaped couch in the living room so that her parents could sleep in "her" room upstairs, Kimmy has a room at Tara and Franco's, aww!) and I emerged from the bathroom having put my contacts in and JD was downstairs, looked at me, and exclaimed, "Well hi!" Haaaa! So sweet and adorable! Who says, "Well hi!"?? It was a quick goodbye because we wanted to get the Trans back to NYC early, to rest, maybe hit up Chinatown before their Monday a.m. flight, but the ride back into Penn Station was just as nice, and when I parted ways with the Trans at Penn Station, mama actually hugged me hard and said into my ear, We'll miss you! Talk about taking a girl's heart out of her chest and crushing it. I love that family so dearly, and we're only in the early stages of getting to know each other. Again, and again, thank you, Universe, for this.*There's a lot more to come, but I feel this post is dragging on. I got to spend a majority of Sunday with Jake in Central Park. I want to recap that, also, here. Jake is...really quite of deserving of his own post. I'm still in awe of it. I'm in awe of everything, right now. The people I'm meeting are changing my life. More to follow on JK and our million mile adventure in the Park, photography, captioning the boaters, the roller skating rink near the Literary Mall. This week: John Legend at Terminal 5 with Kimchi. Denver is booked, a long November weekend...Uyen has already sent links to us...Garden of the Gods, Red Rocks, Spa Day in the mountains for the girls, a "real vodka bar" according to Joel, haha...so much stuff, so much unfolding happiness for this girl. I'm falling back into love with life. Finally.*

Globes

Welcome to Night 2 Operation KB Spends Quality Time Alone to Get Used to What it Feels Like Entertaining and Loving Herself Again. After a whirlwind of a weekend, actually beginning Thursday night with some of the most divine women imaginable at my favorite bar The Globe (Suhana, my Persian Indian princess, Sarah, with her gorgeous Irish accent and her adorable "brilliant!" exclamations, and Russian Olga with her ability to see right into your soul with those kind dark eyes) I'm taking a few days off to meditate on who I am and who I'm becoming. How much do I love the diversity of my new friends? Ah. It's most definitely like taking a walk through interesting cultures, yet at the same time, we're all New Yorkers just getting by, so we're inexplicably linked via that. Ha, what I offer is my Midwestern good heart, but that's okay too - my girls embrace it. I owe a lot to Suhana. I met her for the first time months ago, back when I was basically just stepping foot out into the wild as a solo creature. We hit it off - she's so smart, into poetry, photography, human nature and philosophizing. She's eloquent, she's clever, she's beautiful. Anyway, she disappeared for a few weeks from The Globe and I guess I sort of assumed she quit? Then one afternoon, a really steamy gross summer one where sweat was rising from the pavement, I was on my walk from Penn Station to the apartment having just returned from visiting Aubree and Brian on Long Island, and it was so disgusting that I decided to pop into The Globe to cool down. And there was Suhana! It's slow in there on Sundays until around 5, and this was earlier in the afternoon, so we started catching up and she informed me she had been to San Francisco (home), Greece and Turkey over the past weeks. Ever since that afternoon, we've been close, and getting closer all the time. All along, all this time I've been aching for girlfriends but I didn't really know it. Anyway, I've been somewhat of a nervous wreck about introducing Suha and Kim. They're both brilliant (thanks, Irish friends!) but somewhat on opposite ends of the spectrum. Turns out, one night about a week ago or so, Kim and I stumbled into The Globe for a "last drink" (right) after some fun out on the town earlier, and Suha was there! They loved each other! Oh, how happy am I! It was a great night, wherein Eamon (one of the Irish brother owners) hung out with us and a couple of guys hung out too (one who later texted Kim, "Hey, it's John that walked away. Meet me outside for a smoke." He's permanently John that walked away now. Ha.) And Kim and Suha loved each other, oh!*Friday night, this past, I met up with Adam and Julie at Hop Devil for happy hour beers - all draft beer, half off, which means delicious beers at approximately $3.25 a pint! A steal! All the way til 8 o'clock! They had plans to meet Niki for improv comedy, and I had promised my new friend Erica I'd meet up with her and her brother Alex...Kim had sent me a text of her locale, so I dropped Adam and Julie off at this incredible tiny German sausage/beer spot for eats and jumped in a cab to go to The Mason Jar, a cutesy bar in the 30's between Park and Madison. At The Mason Jar already were Kim, Joanna, Will, Mike, Bento, two of Bento's friends and Erica and Alex. What a very fun night. Ack, I love these people! Joanna sends me into stitches as does Kim...Erica had a lot of fun, as well, and we wound up at Rattle N Hum a little while later, which I also love. Around Rattle N Hum time, a guy I met once before and have somewhat of a story about from back when showed up, Sam. I call him Boston Sam because he is native to Boston (though, without the wacked [awesome but wacked] Boston accent.) There was an immediate weird thick tension that traveled across the wires but we're all adults here, let bygones be bygones, right? Hmm, not so the case, really...anyway, it was good to see him and in the morning he took me to brunch. He's a traveler, widely traveled, travels constantly for business as well as for pleasure, so he's not around enough to make anything matter or last long. It's just...the funny thing is, after the first meeting, we didn't communicate for weeks, and one random day, I was exiting via one of the egresses at 23rd and Park Ave South that I really never, ever use to meet Kim at a place we'd never been before, and there were tons of people in the station but I actually saw Sam. We made fleeting eye contact and recognition sort of happened but it was uncertain. When I met Kim we were chatting and at some point I recalled it and I said, Oh! Kim, is there a chance I would have run into Sam in the 23rd Ave station?? And she was like, YES, he works RIGHT THERE! So the next morning I texted Sam, Did I see you at the 23rd Ave station last night? And he texted back, Haha, I thought that was you. Amazing, small town, ingenious, I love it here. Ok, so Boston Sam is a brain (hard to come by here) and I could go on, but I imagine we'll just continue on with random, Oh Hey encounters, and I'm moving on with life. He leaves for Ecuador very soon to visit friends and really, that's okay. Brunch was nice, though. Sober conversation. Smart exchange.*So the intensity with which I'm adoring Suhana and Kim is fairly insurmountable. Suha is soon to host a girl party for us: me, Sarah, Kim, Olga, and we're going to smash trash talk boys and drink wine and eat food Suha prepares and sing praises to being amazing women. Saturday night found me with Kim once again, and Sunday, we met at The Globe around 2 in the afternoon to play with Suha some more. Valentino (Chris Valentino, good friend of ours) met us there and things got outright unmentionable but it was all in amazing fun. After having so much face time with so many beautiful friends, I elected to take off Monday and Tuesday this week. Just relax...enjoy KB. Tomorrow night I'm seeing Kristin Hersh again, this time at Joe's Pub with 2 other authors and a musician. Life's good and getting better, some days worse because I'm lonesome but I also highly value who I am right now. Thursday night is Roommate Dinner Night here at the Palace and Friday will wind up surely being Happy Hour night. Saturday Kim invited me to Long Island...her parents are in town and will be cooking up legendary Vietnamese cuisine for Kim and friends and me. Plans are being made, social life is spreading its wings and flying. I love my new friends so much. They all deserve giant bear hugs from Life and the Universe for helping me get through.

Anniversaries

Craig and I never did really celebrate any kind of anniversary, which always sort of frustrated me. I suppose my birthday was kind of like one in a way, but my birthday is also standalone because my birthday ROCKS as do I, yeah! Shortly after things went down, I learned that Concrete Blonde would be touring in honor of their TWENTY (20) YEAR ANNIVERSARY for Bloodletting. Someone, hand me my cane! I am getting old. I went to see Concrete Blonde in Cincinnati when I was, say, 14 or so, with Becca, Emily, Jen and Becca's mom (our kind hearted chaperone and driver who was ragingly cool and liked good music and probably, come to think of it, smoked pot)(enhancing her coolness) and so I found it only apropos that 20 years later (give or take) I'd find out about this show being performed so close to me it'd be downright ridiculous for me to NOT go. I invited Benjamine, who loves live music, and she and I made it a date. It was amazing. This woman, Johnette Napolitano, I'm telling you has not aged one year since I saw her back then. She is stunning, electric, her energy contagious, her voice still that same husky brilliance of back then. And considering I've made it somewhat of a tradition to see something vintage at least once per year, this was it. And it blew my mind. I later in the year saw Lady GaGa but that is totally irrelevant to my life (other than I run the heck out of the treadmill when I listen to "Bad Romance" and "Poker Face") so we won't discuss this any further.*Onto more gratitude delivery. There have been people who have just thrown themselves down to help and be there for me. I spent probably approximately two months denying myself access to anyone. It was a totally backwards way to operate my way through such a heartbreak. What happens when one gets abandoned? They abandon everyone else? How pathetic and disdainful of me. People were worried, they cared. I just shut down. Somewhere along the lines my co-worker and now faithful friend Niki stepped in. Or I stepped her in. I don't completely recall the logistics of how it happened because my mind filled with a deep black smoke much of February, March and on into April. But whatever it was, however it elapsed, she helped me through in ways that I'm completely indebted to her for. I don't know what prevented me from ever asking her for an ear before? The idea of becoming close to a co-worker? Trusting someone in the office? Either way, Niki has (and continues to do so) supported me very gently, really walking me through some stuff. She and I went through some debit card # compromising situation wherein we ate lunch together and had our #'s stolen along with another of our co-workers. I won't go into it but it was semi-disastrous for all of us and somehow, I just dealt with it with a nonchalance I don't normally possess. I told this to Niki and she said she experienced the same smooth calm, and she said, (paraphrase), "I don't know, I just figured it was another thing to add to the pile. Throw it on, I'll deal with it somehow." Ever since, I've been laughing in my head a little at that sentiment. That's sort of how my year has unfolded: throw it on the pile, I'll get to it. And I know, I know, I know: I don't have it that bad. I've got a fresh start in one of, nay, the best of America's cities. I can afford (somehow, though not in the easiest fashion) to see a weekly therapist who tonight was enlightened to learn that I stopped taking depression medication back in March (oops, I'm always leaving out the important stuff, sorry, Ingrid!) I have an active social life, a gym membership, a neighborhood that kicks all other neighborhoods' asses (sorry, other nabes, I love a lot of you, too, just this one the best!) I've met some incredible souls in my journeys since February. It's getting better all of the time, and each day I wonder how much more I have to see/learn. Suhana's thanks are going to wait for next time. I want to express that I have this ability to swing from one extreme to another quite quickly but I would never, ever, ever self diagnose bipolarity. I think it's more of life appreciation than anything else. My for instance: this coming Saturday I'm attending this massive Literary Pub Crawl in the East Village which is a lot of bars hosting literary-related events. Oh, the thought of it makes me want to sing out! Anyway, one of the events is hosted by three authors, one of the three being an Irish (obsessed, KB wants an Irishman asap) guy who maintains a pretty hilarious website and has since published a book about his Irish Catholic upbringing in Philly. So I've been reading his website and laughing literally out loud (I guess the kids are too cool to do an "LLOL")(uck, "LOL" is the worst, text speak is the grossest thing ever, I want to shoot at text messages that abbreviate to the point of being English Language destructive)(ick) but after enjoying his hilarity I was able to toss a little Glen Hansard into my ears and find the depths of sadness that I know that are enhanced by other sad souls on my way to see Ingrid tonight. I can feel both happy and sad at heightened extremes - while I don't think that that is a bipolar diagnosis in the least bit, I definitely feel sympathy toward those with the disorder, because it's hard enough for me being in control of my version of it (want to laugh? find a funny author. want to cry? throw in some sad tune.) I can't imagine it being involuntary. I will be starting Kristin Hersh's Rat Girl soon, which is the story of her diagnosis as being bipolar along with the discovery she was pregnant all while trying to be a teenager starting a band, so maybe I'll get a better grasp on the disorder from the book. Either way, I am blessed to now not be on medication and to be reigning in my emotions, unlike in the past decade, which found me stumbling over sharp rocks, scraping my feet, bruising my shins.

Books

Labor Day weekend has descended upon us and it has found me entertained in a variety of ways. I suppose it's beyond time that I start introducing the new people who have accompanied me in my goings on in the last several months. They have been key in my recovery, and each of them deserves rightful appreciation because frankly, I couldn't have made it this far without them. The story of my recovery begins with Benjamine. I believe it was a matter of mere days prior to the actual KB/CB split that Craig and I received an email from his cousin Paul in Arizona, introducing us to her via The Net and inviting us to warmly welcome her to New York City. Paul and B worked together on the Super Bowl event that took place at the Cardinals' stadium (which Hunt built.) B decided that to map out her dreams, moving here was the best option (though she even left a love interest behind in AZ.) The KB/CB split happened, and I died inside, and I told Craig, I've got this. Benjamine is my new friend. We can't share this. He was respectful of that. So I met B at a cute little restaurant on Montague Street in Brooklyn and I fell in instant friend love. B is this girl that just melts your heart - her kindness, sweetness, willingness to listen, caring soul - are all evident within moments of meeting her. And that first night, I made no mention of Craig. I literally skated over everything as if none of it meant anything at all. She didn't pry, and we spent the evening just getting to know each other via our histories. It was a pretty night. I felt a glow having found a new friend. But upon our next girl date, I felt compelled to share with her. She so generously embraced it and promised me that we were most clearly meant to meet right when we did. That seems right. B has been nothing but goodness ever since, though, she is extremely busy and it proves difficult to meet up (as is the case of all New York, which I'll further explore later on.) Next up: Kim Tran. Oh, my dear, brilliant, beautiful and hilarious Kim Tran. Kim is someone I also clearly was destined to meet. Things do happen for a reason. I believe it. My co-worker Russell invited me out to Happy Hour one Friday, and the turn out was huge, something like 20 people! And in the sea of Happy Hour goers was Kim. That initial night, we didn't actually converse much because I had invited Benjamine and didn't want B to feel awkward around a lot of strangers, but Kim seemed pleasant (and ridiculously magnetic in her personality.) I can't pinpoint the Happy Hour that sealed our friendship, but over time, we've aimed to spend one night a week together - she is from Wyoming, and her brother Phi has recently left New York to travel travel see see do do and has since landed in California to find his own. I got to know both Kim and Phi closely quickly, and I can't thank the Universe ENOUGH for extending these people to me. Kim is tiny, precious, professional, brave, independent, unbelievably clever and funny, maintains plans (big deal, here) and has an Ex-Joe, so she and I can commiserate together on the highs and lows of how things shook down. We had an adventure together Thursday night that led to a lot of hilarity, and my crush on an Irish guy that works at my favorite bar is confirmed, but he's leaving for Ireland for a long family holiday so I don't know when I'll see him again. Kim gave her number to two guys that night, which means in the morning she arrived upon two really funny random anonymous texts - it's all a part of being this single in this City. Very funny. Saturday I visited Kim again - she's UES, so it's nostalgic visiting my old nabe, and we spent the day together and I kept thinking, I've been thinking, so repeatedly that I can't get over this movie I've stumbled upon. Music. Love. It's called Once, and I found it in such a roundabout way (Dan/Adam introduce me to the AV Club, I go to the website, banner reads, "The Swell Season covers Neutral Milk Hotel" and of course, my heart sank to my toes! Click on the video to view it, and I don't curse often in this sphere but fuck, was it a solid cover, began research, etc., learned the movie Once was made with this Irish fellow and his Czech counterpart who are The Swell Season and it just has me left with chills, every time I view it, which is now easily going on 5 x's! Haha)(the music stays with me and I've now left my apartment approximately 80 x's with one particular song on my iPhone that makes me smile and smile and smile while I walk.)(THANKS, MUSIC! Thanks, Glen. I have a giant massive sad love crush on you.)(I think I want to be with an Irishman.) So, I inquire of Kim, Can we watch it? And she's like, Of course, KB, so we travel to a Blockbuster somewhere nearby and we're good and tipsy by this point, but we're on a mission. So we pick it up, head to her apartment, she pours us huge glasses of wine and we start watching. And again, and again and again, I fall in love with what happens in this movie. It's like the most romantic movie made about music, ever. In the morning, I wake up from having passed out on her couch (second time, wearing same dress, funny) and she calls out, Are you alive? And we spent the morning drinking water from martini glasses (well, I did) before she headed to Long Island for the remainder of the weekend. Kim is just...perfect. She's this perfect friend who will never, ever disappear without warning, who would never ditch friends for a boy, who will always be this pivotal force for me, now. I got to meet her childhood friend Uyen and Uyen's husband a couple of months ago, spent almost the entire week that they were here with them. Uyen has been begging us to visit them in Denver, and I think we're going to go! Kim's great. And her brother Phi is just indescribably amazing, too. He and I keep in pretty close touch - I hope Cali works out for him, but if not, I wouldn't mind having him back here.*The other person I want to extend my gratitude for now is Chris. I've sort of mentioned him, dropped a few things here and there about him, but not gone into any serious detail. Chris (Buffalo) just visited me last weekend. We had a brilliant time. I felt like such a genius hostess. Oh, and, I caught up with an ex-bf from college, as well...um, different story for different day, not to infringe on my thanks to Chris. While Chris was here, I experienced a range of affections that I feel like I haven't been able to be the recipient of in like 100 years. He's so charming, so easy to be around. We went to dinner Friday night at Molly's and OOPS, Sam was bar tending. Let's not discuss that either, shall we not? Saturday I took Chris to Mud for brunch, St. Marks, a bar called Bull McCabe's where we penned stuff in Sharpie on the Cessna plane that is "crashed" in BM's beer garden. Then we headed back to the apartment to clean up, and grabbed a cab to the West Side, The Frying Pan, which is this NYC phenomenon - old boats tethered together, $35 buckets of 6 Corona (ack!) but the atmosphere is so worth it. And if not for him, I would have never explored the underbelly of one of the boats, which was rusty and creepy and awesome and very much like being in a Saw movie! There is even a science lab down there with a specimen cabinet - visually thrilling, really! So cool, so cool. Then we had tickets to a Circle Line Harbor Lights cruise...very, very great. The weather was so right. He loved it, couldn't stop taking photos. We had been texting his brothers off and on through the day, and he spoke to his father a couple of times, and it felt good for me to know that they were happy that he was with me. After the boat, we swung by The Globe and Suhana (she's up next as thanks go) was working! Chris, of course, fell madly in love with her (who doesn't? She's chic intelligent divine beauty!) and we spent a while there before heading back to the apartment to watch some Dexter. Sunday, we brunched at this cute little place down the street, then took the train to Times Square. I haven't been in years, so I was overjoyed to reconnect. Following that, we went to Citi Field...hello, old haunts...but I was impressed with it, with myself for having endured it, the construction, the panic attacks and everything. After the 7th inning, we headed to the Astoria Bohemian Beer Garden to meet up with Chris' childhood friend Jake who works for some TV show, is a photographer and lives there in Astoria. I can't explain...so much fun. Jake and Chris are so funny together, and just had me in stitches, really, really. We spent the whole rest of the night with Jake in Queens. And now? Well, I had asked Chris if he minded if Jake and I exchanged numbers - Chris got a funny little look on his face, like...really?...but he sent me Jake's number and Jake and I are now texting. I asked him to concoct a photography adventure for us. He comes back to town Tuesday from visiting friends, so I'm excited for a new friend via another friend because those tend to be the best kind around here.

In summary,

B~thanks, eternally.

Kim, infinite good times ahead for us! And strongly bonded friendship.

Chris, you helped me remember that I'm attractive, strong, alive.

Suhana...we'll get to you later, woman (Niki, you as well, don't think I've forgotten everything you've done.)

Jake, can't wait to be random City adventurer with you.

And books? I started reading again. Brilliant.

Crashes

(Neutral Milk Hotel lyrics penned on the crashed cessna in Bull McCabe's beer garden-nice!)

Yeah, it's been a long, long, long time, Ms. Blog Page, since we've encountered one another. I've missed and loved you in strange and mysterious ways while we've been apart! All the while exploring sections and scores of me that I haven't been aware existed in a decade! In truth, I did want to come back to this page with a BANG (thanks, tv, and Bare Naked Ladies) but I'm feeling somewhat melancholic as I approach this first-in-a-long-time post. Let's just kick it into gear, shall we? Foremost, last night I witnessed one of the most engaging hours of my life I'm likely to witness, as Kristin Hersh was interviewed, read from her newly published memoir, and performed four acoustic songs on a Barnes & Noble stage at Union Square. I can't begin to entertain the notion that I could recap this experience in any shape or form, so I'm just going to leave it at...it was perfection dressed in a tulle of utter brilliance accessorized in a beaded broach of grace haloed in a mist of elegance that doesn't grace stages much anymore these days, what with the music industry having gone sour. And the art industry. And the writing one. Kristin Hersh remains this raw rare pearl. I had goosebumps the entire hour. Part of that relates to my health issues, but who gives a (you know what) about that considering all of the things I've seen and done since the death of my previous relationship and the fact of my future. Anyway, pretty sure most of the goosebumps came from that feeling I get when something reaches down my throat, grabs a hold of my heart, and squeezes it so tightly that my breathing becomes shallow and my pulse thuds through my chest. She was impeccable in her delivery of response to questions asked by such a dumb journalist. I was embarrassed for the journalist...literally, the woman asked Kristin, "So what did your diary look like? I mean, did you dot your "i"'s with hearts?" (wtf, shoot me now?)...and Kristin responded, "Well my handwriting's so bad it actually looks like a heart monitor..." stirring laughter in the crowd. Of course, Kristin has this ability, with her husky beautiful throaty voice, her eloquence, and wit, to win over anyone in her midst. And Kristin sang "Gazebo Tree", "Flooding", "Your Dirty Answer", and "Your Ghost". All sounding as if she just rose from the sea, a mystical musical creature to save lives. Those who choose to be a part of her, that is.*I must move on. Life has been awkward. I've met and loved twenty or thirty people on varying levels of love. I've stopped dreaming altogether. I never dream, now. I was on this astral travel kick...now, I just sleep. I panic; I think in stream of consciousness. I'm still seeing The Therapist named Ingrid. I literally worship the streets of New York City. When I'm walking now, by myself, or with someone even, and I know which direction is which, and I know that my home is not far from there, I am shooting silent prayers from my hip, reminding whomever is in charge of my destiny (be it me or that entity) that I'm not ungrateful for this, for this chance at a new life and a new me and the old me combined with the new me to become a solid presence. I owe a bunch of stuff to a lot of people and since this isn't a Thank You speech, I won't go into it just yet, who those people are. But I will, in time. Life got good around May then sunk then rose then fluttered then flipped backwards then soared then trenched then rocked then hurt then begged me to slow down...then begged me to speed up...then kissed my lips, bruised my flesh, ate my dignity and swallowed me down. I'm not sure where I'm at tonight, as I type, inspired by beauty, failed by love, filled with hope and lured by tomorrow. All I really know is that I wanted this blog page to stay MINE. It started MINE. It IS MINE. The old parts can stay and hang out, as long as they can get along with the new parts. Kristin (me) as a spirit looking for what her spirit entails. Is it wisdom? Poetry? Art? Music? Something as simple as a nice coffee table or books or thrills or setbacks or lows or highs? We'll see. Anyway, I'm back.