Marches

"Enjoy your leap day. Remember, real life is for March."

I'm not certain he meant that text for me. I guess I'll never know.

Because you see, yesterday was (is) (was) their wedding anniversary and yesterday marked the day she was allegedly moving out of his apartment for final, for good.

This has been emotionally tumultuous.

It's funny or not funny that sometimes I wonder if being so silly skinny makes my emotions that much sharper.

"Don't touch me, I don't know where you've been..."--Kristin Hersh, 50 Foot Wave.

I have been listening to Kristin for hours now. Her anger coming from 50 Foot Wave has been exactly what medicine I've needed after Friday night.

Friday night was - it was a What the Fuck night?

We went and had appetizers at Reef, feta spread with grilled pita wedges and grilled octopus and drinks and he wanted to split the bill (what the fuck, man?) (like, I don't care because I make my own money but seriously?) and then we went to Martha's which is awesome but even there he was like...? I honestly have no idea where his head is at.

Then we came back to my apartment and he was like, I want to drop you at your door.

Seriously, Rob. Seriously?

He likes the phrase "I can tell you're mad."

I'm always wondering if that is residual. And if it is, please leave it to the curb.

I WILL TELL YOU IF I AM ANGRY.

I won't imply it.

Anyway, HELL YES I was mad. You are going to come to Queens and not escort me to my apartment?

I honestly think he has issues that we have not discovered together yet.

So. Then.

We just...argued. I am certain this split of his is killing him emotionally but it would have been intuitive for him to get in front of it and not wreck someone else going through it all.

And he may understand that now or he may not.

It is the first of March.

My heart is soaked with so much.

I'm listening to Kristin still.