Positions

Happy 4th of July, America. This is a difficult (and amazing) post for me to begin, and I only have a small hour because my friend Lindsay is headed over at 12:15 with ice cubes, gluten-free crackers, Gatorades and straws. It's a Holiday, okay? Mysterious items of somewhat worth are required on a Holiday. We're actually having Bloody Mary's at my apartment before heading out on a quest to Santa Monica by bus, out to Johnny and Nilla's (they are having a party.) I'm serving Lindsay cheese, salami and red grapes prior. And the Gatorades are for...consumption on the bus, I'll just say that.

I could start from the end and return to the beginning, or I can just blurt out that last night, late, after 4 *unbelievably mature and amazing days* with Greg (who just left my apartment, this morning, 5:32AM or something...I left him at the front of my apartment door, then darted up the stairs of my apartment's entrance to watch him retreat; at the end of my block, where his rental was parked, he was a spot on the horizon, he turned, and saw me there, and we held majorly long distance gazing for about 30 seconds before he turned to go) I found out he kissed someone else, in the past two weeks, blah and I won't go too into detail because that isn't the significant thing. I know her, and I know his interest level in her as compared to his interest in me (and I later, way late last night, after we argued over the issue with some coherent adult thoughts and some childish not-playing-nice-in-the-sandbox thoughts) I explained something that ultimately made it clear to me why that stolen kiss (which he wishes now he could erase, and I believe it, because I've had those, plenty, in my distant past) even exists. And we had emotional highs and lows (mostly highs) before he finally fell asleep, me wrapped in his arm, at a very late time (after much significant conversation.)

So I've formulated our past 4 days in my mind in an organized structure. I want to fill in the details, but again, Linds will be here and I need a shower and to get our snacks in order and finish making my messy bed (G and I were reckless sleepers these past days; we aren't normally) but I do not want to let go of any of the large progress we made (aside from what happened which I had to probe him about) (again, I really don't want to linger on that...I am far, far different to him from any other person in his life and that is largely due to both of us living chemically exactly in the same precise blink of an eye, every blink of either of our eyes, except when things are rough, which will be explained far later on.)

So I am going to summarize, with plans to fill in details later this weekend. I cannot lose what happened to passing time. Regardless of whether we make this go on for eternity, as we both subtly expressed we want at Echo Park Lake (shown above) or if this was our last go at it...so many, many, many intimate and amazing details fell upon my lowly existence, like buying 10 avocados in California for $1, with no intended purpose for them. Like how he showed up at my apartment door Sunday morning in his Brooklyn hipster print-tee, and I was in the one I bought at the same store he bought his. How later, way later, he commented, tugging on the hem of mine, "Nice shirt." How he *never* *EVER* doesn't stride over to me and blaze those copper eyes at me and whisper, or even just mouth, "Okay?" or, "You okay?" How his fingers curl in hesitation, or the way his lips move to show me what he's thinking.

I don't think this is the time for this. This weekend *is*, but not today. He is on a plane right now hovering over the states, headed back to New York (he lands in Newark, ouch!) and he has since (before flight) sent me some communication basically indicating he isn't going to the party tonight that *the other girl* has insisted he come to. I know he's sorry for all that, and I know that she (because I know who she is, and have met her, and have been perpetually like "YIKES!" about how forward her personality is, at least, for someone like me) will probably be pained at his absence. Although, since she and I are Facebook Friends (innocently, well before any of any of this) knowingly she has seen my many Greg posts over the past days but *I AM NOT* doing anything wrong. I am simply living out what Greg and I always sort of sketched our next steps to be. *I* didn't throw an arrow at either of them. Arrows were rather thrown at me.

More to come. Better recollection of these days. These have been the very best days, in my Greg goings-on, that I've had, we've had. Hugely pivotal.

Now, off to be engrossed in the Red, White & Blue.