Sands

santa monica, california, may 2013 (photo credit: kb, instagram credit: kb)

I'm in a mood. *I KNOW, NO SURPRISES THERE, INTERNET.* But I'm actively trying to better it. I'm also *so tired* right now that I could burrow into my blankets and sleep for maybe, oh, the rest of my life. But it's only approaching 8 PM, and if I go to sleep *anywhere near* before 10 PM, I will wake up at like 4 AM, force myself back to sleep, dream some wild and crazy ass shit, and then feel like a complete garbage can at work. (I've seen this pattern a number of times in me, trust me.)

Here are, before I launch on, lyrics to a song that make me smile widely, and of course, make me want to wail from the bottom of my lungs:

I say out with it, you're not drinking
I say out with it, you're not drinking
It's not for me to know what you're thinking
'bout people staying home locking windows
Outside the basement
A texan stranger
With a rope and a straight razor
Is getting impatient for something major
It's in his nature

Two more years to go
Then you're supposed to know
How to get back home
Someplace near Waco

Let's just laugh
We can never do anything about anything, anyway
Whatever will be, I guess we'll see
So let's just laugh

War is sacred as rape and hatred
And we're just aphids in hell's half acre
In the dark and on TV fires
Just a country on rims for tyres
Excuses tired

Someone fetch the piano wire
I hope you're tried and fried before you're finally fired

Two more years to kill
If you want I will

Let's just laugh
We can never do anything about anything, anyway
Whatever will be, I guess we'll see
Let's just laugh
Let's just laugh
We can never do anything about anything, anyway

I don't *think* I have posted these yet, but if I have, oh repetition is life's best education, isn't it? Anyway, since I admittedly copied and pasted these directly from the Internet, there may be misunderstood/translated ones, but the best part is the chorus, because *YES*...we can never do anything about anything, anyway...or can we? I think it's two halves of thought that conflict with one another, and I'd say one day I wake up feeling like I can change, and the next morning I think we can never do anything about anything, anyway. So let's just laugh.

The weekend was really, really nice. My dear friend Anthony rolled into LA on Friday and picked me up at my office and we dropped luggage off at my apartment and headed out for Mexican down Sunset. We sat there for a nice, nice long time, and it rose to the surface that his wife has opted for an alternate lifestyle (and I won't say more than that, to protect the innocent.) And it was this *nice* moment wherein Anthony and I surpassed cube mate status (both at Citi Field and at Barclays offices) and transcended to friendship (although, I will say we've always felt like friends - he is one of the nicest men on the face of the earth.) Then we went to a Dodger game, and in the morning he traveled out for a phone charger and came back and we headed out to Santa Monica in his rental car to scoop up my J Dog. (Nilla was kicking Johnny out for some Nilla time/Johnny time, respectively.) We met J at this taco joint (the tacos were fantastic) then took a cruise to the Santa Monica Pier, parked, got out and wandered. (See above photo for reference.) Snapped photos, laughed at hippie California gown-clad hippie dancers on the boardwalk, then moved on to Hermosa, where Anthony's friend was deejaying. I had held back some hardcore pee after Santa Monica en route to Hermosa, so when we landed a parking space in Hermosa (LUCKED OUT) I was like, Let's go grab a quick bite (and I can pee!) and a drink before going to the insane dance/deejay party (which, it *was* insane.) We found this totally Californian organic *come get super healthy* dive place and sat in the back and ordered, well, healthy organic stuff, and all that. Had fun topics of conversation, etc.

Then, heading out to the beach (unless this happened in Santa Monica? No, no, it was Hermosa) J had a joint stashed in his wallet, so we let Anthony know that we were going to run out to the ocean and smoke it, and Anthony, being the ever clean and sober dude that he is, but non-judgmental IN ANY WAY, was like, No, no, go for it, I'll be back here waiting. So J and I hit the sand, and I was in a skirt and there was sand flying up into my shoes and I was just laughing and OH MY GOD, LA is fantastic. It brings out this spirit of mine, mainly when I'm with friends I stoically trust, like J. So we landed ourselves at an empty lifeguard stand and smoked and stared out at the majestic Pacific. And I smoked *very little* because that toxin affects me very hard, since I rarely do it, but that was still and will remain a nice Johnny/KB memory.

Then we went to this club where Anthony's deejay was...um, doing what deejays do. And Anthony hooked us up with a VIP booth (place was violating occupancy laws, I'm certain) and he danced and danced and danced, and J and I drank Bud Light and stared off into the crowd of what felt like frat party eternity, and cracked jokes, and high fived Anthony when he would stop to take a break from dancing. And it was all just...really nice. And I felt safe. I felt emotionally safe. Like all of my other ill will feelings had been squashed temporarily by the comforting walls of these two men who have loved and known me long enough to have seen the damaged frayed edges of me yet have gone on to keep loving me, anyway.

And we sang in the car, between destinations. And we sang at the club. And we just basically had a terrific time, much needed for me.

The rest of the weekend for me was much more tame, because since I don't smoke the weed so often, it hit me and I needed recovery. Anthony headed out West again to meet his deejay friend for brunch, then to hang for a while longer at the next beach parties, then came back here, packed up, and headed back that way because his flight was god-awful early out of Long Beach the next day. And Monday, even though my friend JD was blowing up my phone about going to the Short Stop to meet up, I decided to bunk up with my couch and movies, and honestly, it was so very needed. So I did that.

Life plainly and openly has its ups and downs. I'm relieved to say that I take notice of both extremes fairly well. Sometimes to an extreme that should be deconstructed and puzzled back together. Sometimes to a fond extent. It varies. As life varies, constantly.