Openers

Oh, to spring clean. Sunday I did wake up much healthier than Saturday, although, not in top shape. The weather was overcast and yuck, and although Craig and I ate our responsible adult-friendly Kashi bowls of cereal for breakfast, Craig offered to get us donuts when he went for our coffees at the local Dunkin' Donuts shop. I couldn't resist. I requested strawberry frosted. When he returned, I swear, we both sat in utter silence relinquishing ourselves to the force of the donut. Sheer delirium in less than five minutes. I couldn't believe that within like three bites, one donut probably scored me 10 points in Weight Watchers tallying, and with that, how minimal was the reward! But here I am recalling it fondly, so it must have wedged a nice memory into my mind. Then, following the donut, we somehow managed to get completely motivated and completely clean the apartment, ceilings to floor. I worked mostly in the kitchen, which included climbing clumsily to the countertop to the left of the sink (hard to see in the photo above, but that's because it's barely there and small and hard to stand on!) and worked feverishly, in varying clumsy approaches, to get the kitchen window open enough to place the temporary screen and let the air flow through the mid-section of our apartment. Shew! Wow, did it take magic to make it happen. The window sticks, doesn't ride correctly on its track, etc., etc. But I managed, and now my kitchen not only glows with its freshly cleaned counters, sills, corners, shelves and newly re-analyzed organization, but it also breathes with the fresh (New York City) air that drifts in through the screen mounted in the window! Wonderous!*We're just at Tuesday, but it feels like perhaps I'm ready for a weekend again already. I'm not sure what's happening with me these days. I'm such a worker bee, always ready to arrive awaiting tasks and attempting to complete said tasks. But, with all of the re-adjustments at work (I can pat myself on the back tonight because today I walked into a room filled with people who have come to rely on me and when I walked in, they literally cheered at the sight of me - how novel and self-gratifying!) I guess I'm only half-there. So when things like leaving work early to go to Shea to see the Last Opening Day at Shea Stadium happen, I feel no guilt, no remorse, no shame, no ethical challenge to or with myself. Why? Because my grip is slipping on how much I care about what I'm up to right now. Craig thinks differently, that I "love everything" and I hope to learn that he's correct in stating that. But for now, today, tonight with the early evening as my oyster, I'd imagine I really don't care about what goes on there anymore. And if that's the case, my passion, which is usually at an overflowing capacity, dwindles down to dry dust. For something to cause that to happen to me, the impact must be grand. We'll see how things unfold. I suppose life just is what it is and hopefully someday this work will be a distant memory and I won't regret the energy I've expended. Luckily, there's always Craig to remind me what the end result is all about. Craig is my hope.