May 30, 2007

Thorns

This day finds me wilted and confused. Therefore I wanted to post the gorgeous flowers Craig bought me yesterday at the height of my confusion (plus the cute Jade plant we bought last weekend and the oversized bottle of vodka next to the Dewar's and Creme de Menthe...I have no idea how those got there!) Again, I don't discuss work here. This isn't the forum for that. Regardless, I'm fuming. In fact, I'm so mad, I'm unable to even focus on my train ride as I leave work at night. That was last night and tonight, at least. And to make matters worse (or better, depending on which light I'm standing in), Craig and I have launched into a new diet phase where we're tracking too closely what we eat and monitoring portions like fiends. Or, rather, doing what regular dieters do and trying to keep an eye on things. That leaves me then feeling starved, ontop of being petrified and stupefied at the chain of events over the past day and a half. Let's just put it like this (stupid analogy to follow): when offered a glass of red or a glass of white, there's a comparison that can be made between the two wines, but they are, by nature, similar in that they're both wines. Now imagine I've been confronted with having tequila shoved down my throat over sipping a beer. If this analogy makes it seem like I work for a drinking industry, that's funny because I could only wish for that over this! Literally, it is so bad that I began recording it today, from the beginning of the incident to the grand finale this morning, all of which left me wondering if anyone I work with ever uses half a mind when they show up. And obviously, with me wanting so desperately to succeed at what I do there but at the same time longing to drift about finding something in writing to occupy me, now the confusion is at an alltime high. It doesn't really matter either way. I'm shanghaied, to borrow my friendly co-worker's word today. I need this job as much as it needs me. Nevertheless, I really feel tricked. And if I could only narrate the unfolding of these events here as I did in my handwritten record that I've stuffed into a folder to hide away in a file cabinet, for material if I need it later. Although I would never, ever do anything to abuse my company. They've been too good to me. Barring the incident today.*Oh, well. Sometimes things just happen this way. Now, instead of feeling sorry for myself, I need to go make the light Thai Chicken Wraps I have planned for dinner, plus the tiny side of brown rice. I also owe Andrea a photo of my adorable birthday present so I am going to post that, too! (see below - thanks AB!!) And for the record, once more, as if I have never said this in this blog, or as if I've never thought it repeatedly through the day, or said it out loud to him enough times, or even just held it close to my heart as a private piece of me, I want to thank Craig for being unendingly sweet and supportive while this weird transition happens for me at work, all the while after I thought I was on a good track with them. He has done nothing but convince me that they're making a mistake, with which I agree. It isn't that Craig is biased on this, either. He knows what he's talking about. I just wish this week hadn't turned out how it did, because I've felt nothing but bad, I woke up at 3 this morning unable to ever get back to sleep (poor Craig!) and it's just been nothing but misery, particularly this morning at 7.30 when the whole thing became a nightmarish reality in my very face. And so it goes. So I will focus on Craig, the diet, my writing, and me. And I will remember every single day that drags me through the thick of confusion that I am living in New York. Still. In NYC.
Love No Matter What, Me.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ahh!!! Did you know the necklace would be soooooooo teensy?? :) It's very cute and looks cute on your neck! :) (Weird sentence..)

I'm SOOOO sorry at what's happening to you at work. Hang in there - you'll get through this one, too!!

xoxo

3:03 PM  

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