Scrooges

Craig has left the apartment to wrap up some of our last minute Christmas shopping. We did a few things yesterday, and we've ordered some gifts through the internet (definition: life saving device which allows one to experience the joys of shopping for loved ones without hour-long lines, crowds, overkill of Christmasness, etc.) so I gather we're nearing done. He left angry with me, though. I told him yesterday I did not want to go out and about both Saturday and Sunday. He thinks this is a waste of my time and our lives. I didn't go to finish up shopping because I have an ongoing list of things I'd like to get done in my head before leaving to go to the Midwest for 8 days: 1. heavily revise my short story for the last class of my semester. It has undergone massive revisions since I last mentioned it, but now, we've been instructed to "take a risk" which for me might mean tossing around tense changes. I haven't decided yet. And I realize I procrastinate nicely but I'm terrified that this won't turn out as I want it to, and for our last class tomorrow, we're doing "student showcase" where we must be prepared to read one full page aloud from our stories, and what I rarely let on to anyone is that I equate reading my work aloud with permitting someone to slowly saw off my arm while I watch. 2. Create our photographic slide shows for the families. We started the project together this morning and now must fine tune last minute decisions. 3. Fill out my recipe cards to put into my recipe club members' Christmas cards, although Kara's and Erica's both went without, upon the persistence of my Christmas Card Boss. 4. Clean our messy apartment - I try to maintain certain levels of decency but it is impossible to keep up with it and everything else - and look, I don't even have any children yet...I can only imagine! 5. Relax a little. Granted, we relaxed good and plenty yesterday, after a wild night with our new friends Alison and Scott Friday, which found us hanging out in Chelsea until wee hours of the morning...or like two a.m. Yesterday's relaxation, needless to say, was filled with unrest and fog. I'd like a clear Sunday to perform all of the above referenced tasks. And I could keep going with items I'd like to accomplish. But Craig is mad, because evidently since there isn't his select football on today (I swear, we've been sitting around the apartment for months with football ringing in my ears and suddenly now it is irrelevant, mere days before we leave for an extended stay away from home??) he wants to wander around and view Christmas sights. Granted, he's dealing with a Grade A Scrooge here. And he can't stand that aspect of my personality. It's common that I will compromise my distaste for Christmas for him - like the night we wandered around for 2 hours after work looking at Rockefeller, Saks (see above), and other lit up Midtown spots. But today just doesn't seem like the opportune time to do it, to me, and so he's mad. Of course he's mad. If there were football on today which bound him to the couch, as has happened many weekends since we've moved to New York, maybe I'd be off the hook. But no. I guess none of his favorite teams are playing today. When it really comes down to it, the other part of the Holidays that winds me up is leaving home for such and extended period of time. I love seeing our families - I love to see our families more than I could explain. And I love the fact that this year is even better still, because we get to spend extended time with his nieces and my nephew. And I love the food, the warmth of family get togethers, and the nice conversations. But leaving home for so long makes me a nervous wreck - I don't know why. I guess I've lived far enough away from home for so long that when I leave my apartment, it feels much like I need to pack so many "just in case I need this" items - clothing-wise, book-wise, etc. - I don't know. Maybe today I'm just moody. The hope is that I will wrap up a good portion of the things I want to get done today (this post is just sort of to get things off my chest, I guess, and to gear up to revise the story) so that when five o'clock rolls around, and Craig wants to get out and see Bryant Park and Wollman Rink and lights and smell roasted chestnuts on the street and pine from the trees sold by street vendors - (see now how it all sounds so nice?) I will be ready to leave with him, to make him happy. I love him with my whole heart, and if he loves Christmas this much, I guess it's time I embrace the holiday myself. I can't remain such a grinch forever - someday there might be a couple of little people in my life who are going to want all the joy out of the end of the year they can get and will deserve. Yes, I'm just moody and irritated today. It happens.