April 17, 2006

Portraits

Happy Birthday to Me! Today marks the beginning of my 29th year. I'm debating composing a variety of things this morning: rattling off various characteristics I like about myself, various characteristics I could stand to improve about myself, various memories that have left me warm or various reasons I am so grateful to be on this planet walking around knowing people and places and dreams. Or maybe I could piece together a 29th year itinerary for myself. Maybe I will afford myself license today to just string along stream of consciousness without worrying about structuring thought. I might mention Saturday, how I bar hopped with Craig and a couple of our building friends. Or I might mention the traditional Easter dinner I made for Craig and for co-workers yesterday: ham with homemade glaze, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, corn and bread. Or how Craig helped me by deviling eggs in the morning and he whipped up an old family sweet potato recipe for those who like (I opt out politely). But more than anything, more than I want to say or think any single thing today, I want to finally blurt out the news I've been tucking so neatly under my arm so that no one could see it until the right time to reveal it: We're moving to New York City! We've been told this for a handful of months now, even given various details, but nothing absolute - until this past Thursday, when our boss called us right as we were on our way to dinner. The information we possess now, without exact particulars just yet, is that Craig will be heading to New York for meetings next week. We are expected June 1st. From what we've heard thus far, we will both be moved at the same time (that's one lesser certainty that I hope will remain so; I can't imagine being apart from Craig for any amount of time where I'm left in Richmond and he's in the City already, primarily because of the financial impact that would have on us but additionally because of safety, and the basics of being in a relationship and not wanting to be apart for extended periods of time). New York City. I haven't even figured out a mature way to actualize this in my head because there is a young girl in there screaming at the top of her lungs, We're moving to New York City! and she's in there jumping up and down clapping her hands and then in the next breath, crumpling to a fearful pile of worry. From a 29 year-old's perspective, I need desperately to compose a To Do list, detailing means of discarding my vehicle, methods of throwing away even more possessions than we did when we left Atlanta such a short time ago. We may only manage a one bedroom apartment there: what do we do with spare furniture? We don't even have a yard in Richmond to constitute a yard sale. What about my newfound fascination with the kitchen? What about our commutes? What about travel plans later this year (my friend's wedding, 4th of July in Chicago?) The list of What Abouts runs nearly longer than the To Do list, but the young girl in my head won't stop to reason any of that. I refuse to let stress get the better of me (I'm writing that for the record so that in one month when our move is two weeks away, as they have instructed, I can look back and read this again as a reminder!) This morning Craig has been kind of grumpy for my 29th birthday (we're both pretty tired after a full weekend), but hopefully a phone call sometime this afternoon will deliver him additional details that will solidify and satisfy our hopes and curiosities. We've harbored pocketed energy over this for so long now that I imagine we're both exhausted just of anticipation alone. He told me this weekend that he hasn't even fully processed it yet. How overwhelming. How powerful. We are at such an incredible transitioning point to be able to conquer this now: in Atlanta, we crashed into some rough walls in our first year of living together. By the end of Atlanta, we were willing and ready to see how Richmond could better shape our relationship, and it so has in more ways than I can define. Now, after half a year here, I feel closer to him than I've ever felt to another human being, and I am completely prepared to tackle this dream of ours - to be there, to live in the City we both so adore. I fear finding my way, I look forward to being lost in Manhattan dozens of times. Tonight, Craig is taking me to an Italian place up the street (Sensi) for my birthday dinner. The remainder of this week and the 6 to follow must, just must consist of taking care of business. A little self-portrait ego rub for me: I turned 24, 25 and 26 in Detroit, 27 in St. Louis, 28 in Atlanta, 29 in Richmond, and hopefully my 30th will find me breezing through New York City like a natural, spinning through the streets like I know what I'm doing. Happy happy birthday, KB!

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