Elements of Sincerity

Tunes

2012-02-11T09:18:00.006-05:00

Hey blog. My commitment to writing has clearly been insignificant not as per my resolutions for 2012. WTF! No, really, seriously, I've been writing a lot lately. Just not here. So I'm ducking in for a word or two. How are things?

Things are just about as good as one makes them (lemons and lemonade come to mind?) I find this to be true on so many levels. Where to even begin then?

Above pictured are things that have/will have made me happy in the passing months: delectable dessert, East/West Coast oyster platter, Irish coffee, McClure's Pickles secured yesterday from Bklyn Larder on Flatbush. Then there's this:

Concrete hands picked up the telephone ring

Do you know who you're talking to?

No, and I don't care who

-no name #2, elliott smith

So yeah. There's all that. A conglomeration of foods I've devoured or will be (the pickles today at Kim's UES apartment) or drinks I've downed. Lyrics striking me now. The usual. Melancholy rears its ugly head these days, maybe because it might snow. Maybe other things?

I guess I haven't really begun this blog post rather have just thrown up a little all over the Internet. So I shall begin.

I think I'm alive based solely on my job. Pathetic and embarrassing to admit, right? Whatever, it is however true. It is basically the only heart-racing, pulse-sounding, living and breathing thing that I hold in my hands each day. And I love it. And I hate it. And will continue to do so.

Both. Love, and hate.

So I'm in a few book clubs. For one, we're reading Jane Eyre. How could I have missed Charlotte of the Bronte sisters?? She's the best one! I love her character Jane, love her! I was Jane! Women, we all were! We still are!

To this crib I always took my doll; human beings must love something, and, in the dearth of worthier objects of affection, I contrived to find a pleasure in loving and cherishing a faded graven image, shabby as a miniature scarecrow. It puzzles me now to remember with what absurd sincerity I doted on this little toy, half fancying it alive and capable of sensation.

-jane eyre, charlotte bronte

Anyway, so there's some KB love to throw out there. Reading remains magical. Books are medicine, of the best variety. Really.

What else, girl?

Last night I went out with two friends, Suzanne and Koryn. It was my first time meeting Koryn, but I was madly in love with her from the moment I laid eyes on her (platonic, of course.) We met at The Strand in Union Square with the intention of attending what The Strand was calling a "literary speed dating" event, but the 3rd floor restored book level where the event was being held was loaded with women...there were like 10 men, maybe 2 of them slightly attractive. Go figure. But the entry fee was a Strand book card ($20) which basically means I now have a card for $20 to go spend at The Strand. Needless to say, Suzanne, Koryn and I did NOT proceed with attending the event itself.

So we headed across Union Square...can I say something?

Suzanne is beautiful. She's this meek lovely earthy San Francisco thing (that's where she's from) and I think she's just adorable. Koryn is slightly more aggressive but also just as beautiful - I won't speak on behalf of me as the third of the trio because I barely know who I am anymore...but three girls wrapped in pea coats, scarves, hair flying behind us, in boots or cute shoes, laughing, pointing, planning, moving...traveling through Union Square on our way to the Old Town to get Koryn a burger...it was a New York moment last night, for me. Fuck all the shit that has befallen my life. Last night meant something. We got to Old Town and had to wait for a about half an hour for a table but we got one, and we sat and laughed over the awkward nature of men, the throes of life, the words in books, the things that intricately embroider our days. It mattered.

We disbanded really early. Suzanne was going to dance salsa and I could have gone to watch but Dario was texting me to come meet him (didn't wind up doing so.) I came home and for whatever reason, when I'm somber (yet so happy for my New York moments with those girls) I text the recently mentioned guy that I kinda like. We texted for a long time but the story is long and involved and dark and cold so I won't really launch into it here. But we did text until I fell asleep and I just kept thinking...why aren't you here? He's got plenty to face. I get it. I don't get it at all. I want to punch the wall. I want to throw things. The usual.

What else, girl?

Mom's going through radiation. I have a hard time talking about it because I don't know what "cancer" means. I think it means the Universe is taking a dagger and stabbing it into my Mom, which is just mean. And uncalled for. My Mom is a really good and decent human being. So yeah, regardless if anyone reads this ever, because I don't advertise that it's available for viewers, I'm going to say two words and they are going to forever resonate with me: FUCK CANCER.

(i think my mom can beat it. i pray.)

What else, girl?

Ok, so I definitely have been extremely remiss in my music listenings. I know. It's just...everything, everything makes me cry. Everything. Name it. Cute baby? I cry. Pretty sushi? I cry. Nice manicure? Sob my eyes out.

What the fuck is wrong with me??

This is why I will not get my iPhone synced (or whatever) with my music library (or whatever.)

If I have music in my phone, I will listen to it, and I will sob on the 4 Express train. Do commuters really need that during their morning ride into work?? Thus, I avoid the tunes.

Oddly, life stabs me right into the internal organs or appendages no matter what it is I'm doing. Working? Life stabs my forearm with a butter knife. Writing? Life shoves a steak knife into my jugular. Thinking...? oh, life loves that one...take the dullest pencil, life, and push it repeatedly into my brain, right where the thoughts are piling and hurting. Maybe this is all why I have such little room to love.

So there's all that.

Do I love New York City anymore? Of course I do. It's crazy here. It's odd that people don't know how to walk* on 23rd in Manhattan, or along Bergen in Brooklyn. They stop and sag and check their phones and look up and look down and contemplate breakfast or no, and they just get in the way of everyone else (we all do.)

*Is there really a "way to walk"? Am I just tired in this town? Have New Yorkers always walked so badly?

Maybe New York is shoving a giant stake into my gut and I should get out of here. But no. I can't. I'm addicted to this.

Ok. Clearly I have covered massive amounts of unrelated territory in this post. Cool. And now Pandora is singing me the Cure...I'm alive...I'm dead...I'm a Stranger...much love, KB.

Dozens

2012-01-01T10:19:00.003-05:00

Happy 2012, Internet et al! I'm back for another spin at this. 2011 and age 34 have come and gone with little noteworthy to mention in terms of accomplishment. Hmm, this is not entirely true, as I have made a very nice crowd of friends along the way...but this year, this #12, is going to be life-altering: I swear to it! Since I've not been writing here is not to say I've not been writing. Oh, I've been writing. Mostly poems. And that's been good. In August I took a fantastic voyage to visit Laura (IU) and her husband Seb (London) and their baby Ada (beautiful) in Chautauqua, New York (located around an hour and a half outside of Buffalo.) Chautauqua is a gated learning community for adults (they're kid-friendly also but it's primarily continued education for adults) which is only open for the summer months at which time lectures, workshops, symphonies, plays, brown bag lunches, orchestrated events, etc., all take place...so, since Laura and Seb had Ada back in the States from the UK and were not far from me and had a free pass for me to get in (a week pass into Chautauqua can run up to $400 and that's not inclusive of lodging) and a place for me to sleep and the chance for me to take a weeklong poetry workshop (bucket list item checked off! ding ding)...I went for it. It was likely one of the most incredible adventures I've had as an adult human - Laura had to work during the daytimes but no matter - I spent the afternoons after poetry just strolling the sprawling grounds and cooing over how quaint and cute. And the poetry workshop was precisely what I could have ever dreamed it to be for what it was (not to say I haven't envisioned a more impressionable lot of students to surround myself with, however I have experienced that here in New York, so it's good.) Being with Laura again was a reminder of how few and far between seriously quality people can be found.*I don't want to go into recapping minutia of my year. This isn't a post for that. This post is to declare the changes I wish my 2012 to encompass. So let's list, shall we?

I resolve to make at least (3) things per week. This could/can/will include but shall not be limited to the following: a poem, a dinner, a painting, a blog post, a handwritten recipe card, a photograph, an Illustrator image, a handwritten journal entry, a handwritten note to a friend who lives far from me...and so forth. (3) things per week should be easy to create. That's roughly, say I devote an hour to each, (3) hours of my week. And again, I say at least meaning it'd be incredible to surpass that number. And hey, kicking off Day 1 of this journey, I will have managed to create a MINIMUM of (2) things in that I'm posting AND I'm about to go make Golden Winter Soup for my dear friend Sinead's New Year's Day Hair o'the Dog Potluck tonight in Brooklyn.
I vow to throw things out. Now, whether this happens as a regular occurrence or a series of purges on rainy Sunday afternoons remains to be determined. But I've got accumulation of crap. I need to part with much of it. Clothing, old shoes, paraphernalia odds and ends bullshit that really doesn't need to linger in my life, especially considering the complete unknown of the end of 2012 for me which either finds me on the job hunt to stay in New York, or has the potential of shifting me from this comfort zone to some other in order to stay with my company. Of course, life change is always to be embraced so let come what may. Still, throwing things out is pivotal. It's just stuff, after all.
This year, I will embrace love. This past year, I simply have not been interested in it. There was a guy...I met him and I really, really did feel compelled to like him, a lot. We remain in contact with each other but circumstantially it's difficult for reasons I do not wish to explore here however there are dozens of times I can recount wherein he wanted to get close and I pushed back, stopped taking his calls, discontinued texting, what have you. It hurt him, and again, he continues to communicate with me but I'm so reluctant right now to let anyone in and to run the risk of heartbreak that I have enclosed myself in a hard candy shell that is impenetrable. So this year, I will go out on limbs I have not let myself brave in a really long time. But I also won't settle into something just because it's something versus nothing. I'm too good for that. I only know that after a lot of years and tears and pain. Cheers, 2012, to all the love you may have to offer.
I will return to good health again. I know how. I'm able. I've studied recipes, calories, nutritional balance, etc. I know now too that with my Mom having been diagnosed with breast cancer in November (another story, not for now, but she's in good condition having had a lumpectomy and her treatment is determined in a couple of weeks) that life is narrow and winding and really the only thing that helps us push through it is to feel good in the process. I haven't felt good this year. I've felt trampled, weak, defeated, ill-at-ease with life in a sweeping general sense. I remember when I was working out pretty regularly, how that felt...how my mood and my energy were at an all time explosive high. And food...I love cooking. Yes, there are nothing but the most amazing restaurants in this City. But financially and from a healthy diet perspective, I need to curtail my dining out habits. Let it be known that this item on the Resolutions List is not my favorite. Ha.
This year, I turn 35. Ages are just numbers and numbers are nothing but they're permanent ink on the pages of life. I really, really want to have established some of my goals by my birthday mid-year. And in fact, I want to arrange a birthday for myself for Age 35 that will stain the existence of my being. I've thought of travel: I could go to London. I could take my Mom! I could drag a friend or two there and we'd visit my very recently reconnected friend Naturi (met her in Sharon Mesmer's prose/poetry workshop years ago here in the City and she's since published a memoir, which is simply breathtaking, and we hugged one million times when she was here in New York for a month earlier this year...) or maybe I could throw myself a raucous bash here in the City: invite every single person I've ever met, known, loved in this town and rent a private room at one of my favorite hot spots and we'd all eat, drink, cheers and be merry. And ring in my 35th year of life like banshees. And I'd even reach out to my out of town friends and invite them in, too! Whatever happens, this is. (--Adrienne Rich.) I just think it's something I need to keep listed on my Resolutions list because God forbid April 17th rolls over me and I sit in my apartment drinking wine and crying. NOT HAPPENING, UNIVERSE!

So, I've listed (5) highly ambitious, quite lofty Resolutions for my 2012. Oh, heh, I forgot - I also need to get my 4th and final tattoo. Another story for another time but I need to do it before my birthday. Ha, again, going back to numerology, but that's okay. I think I'm okay with having numbers dictate a little of who I am.

Happy 12.

Let's do this right.

Texts

2011-02-17T18:38:00.006-05:00

Gourmet KB-made Roasted Garlic Chicken, Complete with Kalamata Olives, Pre-Oven, Christmas Weekend in Indianapolis 2010

Kim, Upon Panicking at Last Minute about Locks of Love (having a foot chopped off that beautiful hair to donate it) and Instead Having it Set and Styled

KB, Having Landed at LaGuardia on One of the Only Planes to Leave Chicago for New York, December 26, 2010, due to Blizzardous Conditions, Adorning Valentino's Ohio State Ball Cap for Pic to Text to Bro back in Indiana

Valentino, My Tried and True, Who Traveled from West to East Side in Taxi Cab in Blizzard to Spend the Great Blizzard of 2010 with Me at Bar Fly to Watch Football Followed by Raucous Karaoke elsewhere wherein He Accidentally Left a $50 Bill on the Bar as Tip...(evidence of too much beer and soju that afternoon into evening!)

Hipstamatic Shot at Red Rocks, Colorado Springs, Colorado, November 2010

My Freshly Pedicured Toes on the Pavelis Hammock in their Comfortably Comfortable Denver Suburb Backyard, November 2010

Finally, E. 21st Street btwn 3rd and 2nd Avenues (shot from 3rd) Post-Second Record-Breaking Seasonal Storm to Take Place in Winter of 2010/2011...My Morning Commute

Oh, hello trusted blog page, you long lost friend, you. I do again apologize for disappearing into another dimension for nearing four months now, but there was little, if any time to sit and recap, or, if there was the time, I didn't feel the moment wash over me to do so. But I'm back by popular demand (Gale, ha, love you!) and I will try my hand at keeping you current again. But to keep current today, at least, is to back track, which is why I posted such random non-chronological photos shot from my dandy little ancient piece of garbage iPhone, which, by the way, continues daily to serve its purpose of keeping me at one with my friends and loved ones. Thank you, dear technology and texting and chatting and social media, for delivering us the ability to merely maintain relationships via those little smart phones. No, I'm being serious...no sarcasm here...there are many days wherein I'd rather text for hours than sit face to face over food/drink. I've evolved. I've shed my previous ways. Anyway.

So since October, since my last post, I've experienced the following, to be summed in brief* description

*KB's brief and other humans' brief have different definitions, so there's that...

A hysterical full Halloween weekend with Kim, Adam, Julie, Brooklyn, Manhattan, Joanna, Will, Christina, Corey, John Bodycombe, Monica, Suhana, Valentino, and others
A brilliant and beautiful adventure to Colorado with Kim, her childhood friend Uyen, Uyen's husband Joel and their children Kyle and Mylie...with an added bonus reunion with "2-Liter", or Chris Johnson, my long long long lost good friend from IU
Thanksgiving on Long Island with Tara and Franco and company...so good!
A handful of dates (etc.) with Mees, the amazing upright bass player friend of Kim's from high school that I have nothing but the fondest of memories with, even in just a short span of time (as detailed in my handwritten journal, ha, not for all the world to see!)...being around Chris reminded me precisely how high the qualities I'm looking for in a man should be...we'd spend more time together, but he's Upper West (way Upper) and trying to make a living with a full time job and his music all at once...but we enjoyed each other, nonetheless! And I'm sure I'll encounter him again. His focus needs to be his music, is all. We discussed such. Still. Swoon!
A weekend visit from Dave from Boston...we had fun...skee ball and free pizza at Croc Lounge, he met all my friends at the Globe, Sunday brunch in Brooklyn with Adam, Julie, Emily, Christina...(Sunday afternoon after brunch we all sat at the Brooklyner where Adam and Julie live and I began receiving texts from Mees about meeting up and I couldn't resist which means while Dave waited in Brooklyn to head to Penn Station to train it back to Boston, I excused myself early from Brooklyn to go meet Mees in my neighborhood...um...saucy much, KB??)(...though it turned out to be such a good idea, really, very!)
Kind of a sad Christmas? Good in ways (see above photo of whole chicken my family let me cook for them!) but also troubling in others. I was blessed with incredible face time with my nephews and niece. I held them all in my arms as if I would never let go. And same with my parents, both who are now successfully turned 60 years old, as of January and February 2011, and for whom I've got nothing but huge and unconditional love!

January/February have found me melancholy, yet bustling with female energy directed toward boys. First, unrelated: in December, I experienced a very terrifying health issue which kept me out of work briefly, say two days of one week. I dismissed it nonchalantly, then avalanched the holidays onto my head, then in January the same issue took siege on me again. I flipped out. I mean, I flipped out in December very much so when it commenced (Craig calls it "Shark Week", I won't go into additional detail) but to go through it again in January really maddened me. And so I made an appointment. And Craig offered to go with, because he owed me one (I didn't see it that way, he just kept saying so) after I escorted him home post-outpatient surgery for fatty cyst removals. Doctor did her thing, then directed me toward radiology to schedule a sonogram. Sonogram took place Tuesday. Details to either follow or not...I don't know much yet. I'm scared, sure, but I'm also kind of like...well...what am I supposed to do? Cry over something I have no control over?

Well, so that's happening. Meanwhile, I'm not sure that I've ever mentioned Dario, my sweet Italian friend. The weekend Kim and I flew back from Colorado, Suhana was hosting a wine and cheese party. Suhana had just broken up with Chad, maybe months prior to her party? but was not feeling brave therefore left me a teary voice message about needing Kim and me to be at her party and could we please, please, please come? The party was the Sunday night that Kim and I would land at LaGuardia, tired, jet lagged, wanting to sleep in our own beds again and boost up the energy to return to work. But upon receiving Suhana's begging text, how could we not attend her little soiree? So Kim and I landed at LaGuardia, dropped off bags at Kim's and grabbed a cab to Suhana's. First of all? Good god, is Suhana's place just the most sophisticated and adorable little nest possible. She looked stunning, too, of course, in a flowy black and white tiny polka-dotted dress, revealing her gorgeous figure and smooth brown skin. She seemed stabilized, but she could not stop gushing appreciation for us coming. So the people in attendance ranged from exotic to, well, exotic...turned out, only Dom (at the time, Suh's play thing), plus a hot high school teacher that we met later and I were the only caucasian non-exotic people. Fine by me! I love diversity anyway. So, immediately Kim and I were drawn to these 2 adorable Italians...real Italians...Dario has only lived here maybe 2 years and his friend Antonio had at that point literally been in the States for less than a month! They seemed to really be getting a kick out of the Kim/KB show...moreso Dario than Antonio, only because Antonio's language barriers are still sky high, poor guy! He's learning! And what came of it is that Dario and Antonio and Kim and I all became Facebook friends. Later on, Dario mentioned to Suhana (which she mentioned to me after the fact) that he and Antonio were so happy to have met her good friends Kim and KB. Ahem, I must say, Kim and I were exceptionally funny that night, especially coming down from an exhausted Colorado high!

So at some point I began hearing from Dario via Facebook. Then there was a phone number exchange. Then there were texts. Then there was flirting. Etc. And I've seen him a number of times since that party at Suhana's on the cusp of Harlem...and it's been really, really fun...yet, I am reluctant (for a few reasons) to let Dario actually penetrate (um, ha ha) the lining of my heart. He's close to doing so. He is. In fact, he left for Italy for 2 weeks and just returned Monday night, and we've been texting nonstop since. He owes me a nice dinner because I helped him edit some work writings before he left. And he flatters me incessantly. He's beautiful, charming, his laugh is low and contagious and his smile is infectious. There are things to take into consideration...but he's also kind and caring and chivalrous and oh, so, charming. And he speaks Italian to me upon command. It's sexy.

However last week, while Dario was still away, I met another European guy, this time a guy from Albania, in finance, working full time, going to grad school at Baruch (a college in my neighborhood.) (Convenient, also coincidentally where Dario just graduated with his Masters degree...what!) His name is Besar, and he's gorgeous and intuitive and charming and sweet...I suppose, aren't all the European men of this persuasion??...and we exchanged numbers and went on a first date Monday (yes, Valentine's Day.) Besar is striking, dark curly hair, dark eyes, well dressed, asks questions, looks right into my eyes. And he walked me home after hours of interesting conversation. And I didn't let him come all the way up to the apartment though I did let him into the warmer hallway for a little while...we texted a bit when he arrived home, and I suppose we'll see each other again...but, Dario.

Dario started texting me the 15th, nonstop as I mentioned, and I, of course, took it upon myself to introduce to him that perhaps he might have competition? Ah. He kind of needs it. I think I've blown his head to giant proportions and have been needing to scale it back to size. So, I realize it's only the 17th today, but I've probably received more texts from Dario in the past 48 hours than I have in our entire friendship (I'm calling it that because whatever it is bears no other name, today) and I think it's just adorable that Dario is making it his personal mission to remind me that he's still on my speed dial, figuratively speaking. In fact, the other night I fell asleep during some serious-natured content texting, and I awoke to 4 long texts written in his absolutely just lovable broken English, followed by a missed call near midnight! Missed call from Dario means he was afraid he used the wrong English words (he's very good with English but still sometimes falters with phrases, so sweet.)

Kim and I called him "the Ital" for weeks following meeting him. At some point, in conversation, he actually became Dario. It's rare that a boy with a nickname takes on his real name between us. But, the more real Dario becomes to me, the more frequently he invites me into his actual life, asking me for help with work, telling me about his hometown in Italy (I heard from him while he was there), insinuating to me that I'm one of the nicest and kindest people he has met...I don't know. I might be falling for him. I've been emailing Gale about this whole thing. The other day, she wrote, "I think you might like Dario."

Eek!

But I'm not tabling Besar, either. By the way, his nickname between me and Kim (one of) is "Besos"...in fact, I believe the Albanian translation of the name "Besar" might actually also be "kisses." Cute. Sweet.

In other news? Kim turns 30 February 26th. We've built so many celebrations around her birthday. It's amazing. I can't reveal anything yet, but surprises are to unfold, and we will have a great time. Meanwhile, next Thursday is Asia de Cuba (restaurant week) with Kim, Valentino, Andrew, Lauren, Michael Chan, and maybe Dario? I asked him today, because we had a drop out (Bento!) but Dario won't know for a day or so. I think he stays at work stupidly late, poor guy. If Dario is a yes? Could be really fun...everyone has met Dario, except maybe Andrew? And Dario lights up a room. So there's that. Hmm. I'm seeing in my writing that I might be smitten. Trying not to be...because, well, my heart deserves nothing but the best. Ah. Dario just said that the other day, in fact, to me, about me.

Ok, blog. Let's give this relationship another shot. Missed you.

Sunsets

2010-10-20T18:36:00.004-04:00

I've been experiencing so many new things thanks to Kim and her friends. Really, many thanks to Kim. It's like this: Hey Kim, KB here, do you want to do such and such? She's like, Sure, absolutely! And vice versa, no matter what it really is. This past weekend we went to Happy Hour Friday with Valentino. The first thing we did was sort of line up our social activity together for the next several weeks. Sunday, my lasagna cook off. Monday, disasterville night that didn't wind up happening but at least Kim and Suhana came over to keep me company (we were going to go to Sunburnt Cow for $20 all you can eat/drink for 2 hours to uncelebrate Craig's 34th birthday, but that didn't happen as I was a little paralyzed...these setbacks will happen, I get that, thanks to many expensive therapy sessions. This coming Saturday is Valentino's Fake New Year's Eve Party, which will be fun. And I just learned prior to that that a friend's surprise birthday party is taking place at a karaoke bar - I'll do that for an hour before heading to Valentino and Andrew's place. Valentino asked us to come to his parents' house in Vermont the Friday after Thanksgiving (Kim is cooking Thanksgiving dinner for me, since neither of us are traveling home. She's an unbelievable cook - I am sure it will be gourmet.) So that kicked off our conversation - we hung out with Suhana a bit longer at The Globe, then jumped in a cab to find seats for the Yankees Game at the Village Pourhouse. Actually, before doing that, we went to Valentino's for Yankees jerseys, then off to the Pourhouse. Just the three of us, we found seats in the back and watched the entire what happened to be an amazing Yankees game. Then we traveled to Dempsey's, which happens to be a favorite spot of my little Irish author guy, the one Kim and I are seeing read in the later part of November followed by drinks with him (along with a whole slew of other fans of his!) At this time Andrew, Valentino's roommate, wanted to join us, and we invited "SVH" (Sweet Valley High, our friend Todd, named SVH because one of the SV twins dated a Todd in the books!) SVH is this suuuuuper nice guy, like, over the top nice, adorable, so friendly and funny, that Kim and I sort of see as a team (like, we're a trio) so it was fun catching up with him. Suhana was supposed to meet up with us, too, but after several text rounds, it turned out she didn't get to us at Dempsey's until pretty late, with Tom Cruise (Reid Andres) in tow. I guess...somewhat awkward, but Kim is a tough girl and she doesn't let guys or drama damage friendships, and Suhana is the conduit through which we know Tom Cruise anyway, so it's always been known that they were friends. Tom Cruise wound up leaving with Suhana, only to apologize later to Kim (the next morning, via phone call.) It was a little weird? But Kim and I basically disregard anything having to do with anything dramatic. I mean, that is, when it comes to friendship items. So, we were out until 5 again (this is becoming our Friday night trend) and Saturday morning found me with my head thudding and plans to meet Kim at Penn Station to catch a 12.40 to Long Beach. I woke up alright, but was rather foggy and it took me more time than I imagined to get ready and before you know it, I was hightailing it to Penn Station in a cab with Kim texting me, all freaked out that we'd miss our train...right as we pulled up to Penn, she texted me, "Ahhh..." Ha ha. She had bought me an egg sandwich and an iced coffee and my ticket, too, and I found her with Christina and Corey just in literally the nick of time...we boarded, and the doors closed within a fraction of minutes later! She almost killed me. But I made it! My first time running through Penn Station, fancy! So, Christina is Joanna's sister. Joanna works with Kim at the cosmetics company. That's how they met and subsequently how Kim met Christina. Christina is this beautiful rock star chick who always looks so with it, and Corey is this brown-eyed doe boyfriend of Christina with tousled brown hair and who we dubbed "the lumberjack" for the day, as he was wearing this brightly colored hooded sweatshirt as if he were headed out to chop logs, not visit a brewery with the rest of us! Christina and Joanna are both amazing. They're hilarious, and have enormous personalities. I mean, past the point of being unique, even - there must be a bigger word that better describes these two. Will, Joanna's boyfriend, picked us up at the Long Beach Station and we headed to his mom's house, where we met Joanna, then piled into Joanna's BMW to ride to this new brewery in Oceanside. I mean it, all 6 of us piled high into a BMW to drive to a brewery. I guess Claire and Dan, Joanna's friends that I would meet later, discovered this place: literally, a one room warehouse with brewing devices run by just one guy who is trying to get his beer off the ground. It's in this industrial strip, hard to find, really, but it was fine...he gave us rounds of beer tasting and the beer was, in fact, very good. At this point, already for the day, I don't think I went 8 minutes without laughing, because all of those people are just so amazing and hilarious. The chemistry of the group is rock solid. And piled in the back seat of Joanna's car, me, Christina, Kim and Corey - yeah, we had fun laughing about everything in general. After the beer tasting, we sort of milled about outside in the parking lot waiting for Claire and Dan to arrive. Claire's car was in the shop so they were taking a cab to meet us, but again, the place was tricky to find, so the cabbie wound up dropping them off like a quarter of a mile away. Joanna, Will and Kim headed off to pick them up, and I lingered back with Christina and Corey. They had bought a growler of the beer and we had deemed it their love child, conceived in a week (the beer had been brewed the week before), deciding babies in real life should have one week conceptions but then Christina was like, That doesn't give you long to change your mind! Ha. Kim and clan returned, and we left Claire and Dan to visit the brewery while Joanna drove us to The Fishery, a little seafood restaurant in East Rockaway. If I could bottle up that lunch and pass it out as gifts to my friends, I most certainly would. We sat there for a couple of hours, sampling sea food, drinking beer, laughing (at some point Joanna had gone back to retrieve Claire and Dan who joined us then.) Dan is a high school English teacher and Claire is a Chemistry teacher and holy Moses, I have no way to define their cleverness. No way. They had me absolutely just in stitches, and Joanna and Christina and Corey and Kim were all chiming in, too, and it was friendship heaven, those hours. After The Fishery, we decided to pick up beer and travel to Joanna's (Claire and Dan also live in the same apartment complex) where I swooned over the magnificence of the view from Joanna's balcony (see above sunset shots taken on silly iPhone camera.) We wound up downstairs in Claire and Dan's apartment and played several savage rounds of beer pong, darts and flip cup. We ordered pizza, just hung out - Kim started the Pirate jokes, so for hours she would insert, "What's a pirate's favorite (blank)" and we'd have to respond in something accommodating of Arrrrr! We laughed so hard at this, it never really got old, actually! Lots of fun. Dan's sister arrived from Montauk with their cousin, and we continued on with flip cup. Dan was curious about the KB moniker for me, and once he learned my last name, he kept changing it up, but everything he called me sounded Jewish. At one point he said absentmindedly, "I wonder why I want you to be Jewish so badly?" Ha ha!! Like, K Bernstein and K Burkowitz and what not. Burkowitz...Jewish? Eh, whatever, it was tons of fun. Kim was exhausted...I, as well, so we made an 11-something train back into Manhattan. Sunday was the mushroom lasagna cook off, also fun...I headed to the grocery store early, stocked up on goods, and spent the afternoon chopping stuff in preparation. The turn out was great: Kim, Michael (obviously, as we were the triumvirate hosts making the lasagnas), Valentino, Andrew, Adam, Julie, Amanda, Bento and Dagna. Perfect...not too many, not too few, and very blend-able people. My heart soars when I see them all become Facebook friends, which they did the very next day! It was a fun time. Then Monday happened, but I'm over it. I just needed to sort of rectify the broken part of my heart. And like I said, Kim and Suh came over and we delighted in each other's presences. I am pretty sure we're to a point where we can count on each other for just about everything. I love it.*Upcoming: Halloween (Adam/Julie party, Joanna, Will, Kim, Michael, Christina, Corey, big group bar night, as well), oh, first Valentino's party...a costume making party at one of Christina's friend's, trip to Denver with Kim, Kristin Hersh with Kim, David Duchovny play, Jason Irish Author reading+bars, Thanksgiving, Vermont with Kim, Valentino and whomever else is coming along. As a weird aside, months ago I met Julie's (Adam's Julie) brother...he's older than she but a year or two younger than I, really clever and fun...he was here visiting from Boston and we did lobster grilling on the roof and Rock Band and board games? And managed to open a wine bottle without a corkscrew? Anyway, he and I sort of...hit it off. He went back to Boston and I didn't hear from him for a few weeks and suddenly he was requesting my Facebook friendship...since then, we started FB chatting, which turned into him asking me for my number and texting, followed by GChatting. We've basically been talking every day (via multi-media) for a couple of weeks. Intriguing. He's an engineer but as a hobby is a pilot, and actually recently became licensed to fly Internationally, even. He's cute - I'd love to see him again sometime, but there's probably some awkwardness there, what with Julie being my friend and all...so, for now, just fun flirting. He's someone exciting to have on any kind of radar. Smart. Hilarious. The other day, the first night he texted me, he said he was going to see The Social Network that night (Facebook movie.) I texted him, Enjoy it and tell me how it is. He texted, Everyone dies at the end. Ha ha.*Anyway. Life is a bright star. As my friends tell me...mainly Adam, experiencing lows now in the wake of everything only makes the highs that much higher. And it's true. I feel it. I feel like life has cruised me to a new altitude. And I like it up here.*

Rides

2010-10-09T10:56:00.002-04:00

Last Sunday I accomplished the 30-mile Multiple Sclerosis charity bike ride. It was unbelievable. I have very little inclination to attempt to describe the experience, because it washed over me like this intimate wave, this private moon. I loved it. Every second is ingrained in my memory as a heart beat. I rode the entire perimeter of Manhattan, beginning at Pier 94 and finishing at Pier 94. It felt fantastic. I raised over $1k, too. KB, nice work, and good memory to savor and carry.*After the ride (which took my friend Bento and I a mere 3 hours, including a rest stop in Inwood!) my good friend Valentino (Chris) called me. We had had a bit of a legendary Friday night together, so he wanted to let me know that he had slept from 8.30 Saturday night until 11 Sunday morning (coincidentally right as I finished my ride!) I asked him if he'd like to meet with me and Kimchi at The Frying Pan? And he agreed. So, I walked from the 53rd Street pier to 27th, Frying Pan locale, talking to my parents recapping some of the ride. The day was stunning, crisp, lovely autumn for me. I arrived at The Pan before Kim and Valentino, so I grabbed a bucket of Corona and a table. They arrived shortly thereafter, and I can't explain it...I'll never be able to accurately do justice to that moment wherein I looked over and Valentino was marching toward me followed by Kimchi and Val's roommate, my friends, coming to help me celebrate my victory as if that was the only thing they could have dreamed of doing that day. I think I actually live here now. I think I actually have found love here. Friends. I needed it forever and now it's mine.*My Kim and I have spent the past several weeks together, days and days, and she's indefinitely my BFF. She's just so amazing and brilliant and beautiful and fun. And more. I can't really do Kimchi justice here. She does this thing where she spreads her love in a giant blanket around the people she deems worthy. But she's particular, trust me. Not everyone is worthy! I'm blessed to be. There are times when we're together where we get to talking about a topic and can't stop, and then laugh and laugh until our eyes are rivers of tears. We were totally meant to meet. There's no doubt in my mind.*I want to recap so much more, but I'm juggling texting with Kim while she's in Omaha for a wedding, and beautiful weather outside that I need to go absorb and fun giddy thoughts about my neighbor downstairs that I met last night, who is now in my phone as "Downstairs Neighbor." Eeeek! I'm most definitely living life to the fullest right now. So much more to say. Soon.

Septembers

2010-09-21T18:45:00.003-04:00

Oh, the smell of fall. So many memories are triggered by scents. I just yanked open my refrigerator door and the fresh garlic cloves that are in there lit up my kitchen with their scent...bought those for last night's dinner, a practice round of my mushroom lasagna for the cook off we're hosting at my place in October - me, Kim and Michael Chan. Autumn is one of my favorites. It's just too fleeting, however. These temperatures, the mild, yet cool breezes, the leaves in the breeze. I love New York City in the fall. So yes, Kim and Michael Chan and I are going to do a head to head to head combat with our respective mushroom lasagna recipes. It'll take place on a Sunday, lots of friends are invited - we'll see what the turnout winds up at, but it will be a nice fall Sunday with food and friends and booze and maybe some football on the tv as white noise, who knows.*I write coming down (or lasting on the plain) of a tremendous high from an indescribable weekend. Friday, didn't do much...drank a lot of wine with the roommate and his friends who were in town. Sent stupid texts. That's this day and age...it's no longer a drunk dial, it's a dumb text probably laden with misspellings and horribly awkward content. Anyway, I tried (and succeeded) in turning in early, because then Saturday morning I was to meet up with Kimchi Tran and her parents at Penn Station to travel out to Long Island for an all day autumn-esque adventure, inclusive of apple picking and wine tasting and homemade Vietnamese noodles prepared by Kim and her parents. I walked to Penn and Kim texted me to grab a ticket to Ronkonkoma. As I began punching the station name into the kiosk, Kim walked up and gave me a big hug, and right behind her were Mama and Daddy Tran...I hugged them both quickly as we were super tight on time, boarded our train, and then I got to actually speak with the Trans and get to know them. Oh, gosh. I don't know what to say other than heaven dropped the most amazing family into my life. I sent texts to Phi as we traveled eastbound, Guess who I'm with! They're amazing! etc.! And I could tell from his replies he was a little bit envious that we were all together (though I'm sure Cali has him more than preoccupied.) Mama and Daddy Tran are these saints, they're adorable, warm, embracing...so lovable with nothing but fantastic love emanating from them! We arrived in Ronkonkoma in no time, it felt like, because the conversations were so fun and smart, and Kim was texting with her friend Tara about our arrival. Tara and her husband Franco have a home in Medford (I think) where they are raising their son JD, and I'll get to him shortly. Tara picked us up and of course, she's this gorgeous Asian girl with stunning skin and features and personality. We arrive at her house, and Franco and JD had been sleeping...we enter in through the garage, and I swear, I went through about an hour's worth of deja vu. In the garage there were kids toys, my favorite? A little plastic Vespa, an actual Vespa! haha...and once inside, from around the corner appeared this pretty tall 2.5 year old cutie with thick dark hair and excited eyes. JD! Just emerging from a much needed slumber! And then Franco, right behind JD, this super cute Italian Long Island guy, Tara's husband. So, here I am standing in a Long Island kitchen with perhaps the most amazing humans ever created, Kim, her parents, Tara, Franco, JD. Needless to say, I felt overwhelmed. And blessed. And alive, and happy, and my heart overflowing with pride for having overcome something so sour and able to reach this bliss. Sorry for the tense transitioning back and forth - it's a habit I'd like to break sometime, haha!*We all loaded into 2 cars to travel further east. We stopped for sandwiches, then kept traveling eastbound to Hank's Farmstand where we bought bags to pick apples - lots of kinds of apples, all neatly lined in a row. Kim kept plucking apples to eat, we called them "community apples" as we passed them around for tasting, and JD had a magnificent time running from tree to tree to tree to yank apples off the limbs. After filling our bags to their limits, we wandered over to the pumpkin patch area and leisurely enjoyed that. The above posted photo are what I'm terming "ghost pumpkins" because they are white, and weird. We hung out in the beautiful weather for another hour or so, before crossing the street to a vineyard, where Kimchi, Tara and I shared a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc and the Trans shared a Rose and Franco abstained, as he is a beer guy, not into wine as much. JD played with his little matchbox cars, the weather remained impeccable and we were all just relaxed. Such a wonderful day. After some wine, we headed back to Tara and Franco's, where we indulged in the Trans' homemade Vietnamese, drank more wine, and I played for an hour with JD, who is one of the most handsome and amazing children, ever. He and I both broke into sweats and Franco even commented on it, how active JD and I were for an hour - it was so much fun. Franco commented to Kim that she might be being replaced as JD's affections go, haha! No way, JD adores Kim the most, but he and I had a blast. Upon JD's bedtime, the adults sat down for a raucous several hours of Bai Chung, a Vietnamese card game that was possibly one of the most addicting card games I've ever played. Kim and I drank an entire bottle of Franco's father's homemade Italian wine, while Kim's daddy drank Miller Lite with Franco. Tara and Franco met in high school. They've been together a hundred million years. They are so positively, absolutely, with their JD, the cutest progressive nuclear family I've seen. Happy together. Franco only has eyes for Tara (and JD, of course!) I can now see precisely why Kim spent so much of her summer out there. So much positive influence and energy!*After cards, Kimmy and I watched Pieces of April. I didn't make it all the way through, but she did, which I applauded her for the next day. In the morning, we woke up (Kim and I slept on the L-shaped couch in the living room so that her parents could sleep in "her" room upstairs, Kimmy has a room at Tara and Franco's, aww!) and I emerged from the bathroom having put my contacts in and JD was downstairs, looked at me, and exclaimed, "Well hi!" Haaaa! So sweet and adorable! Who says, "Well hi!"?? It was a quick goodbye because we wanted to get the Trans back to NYC early, to rest, maybe hit up Chinatown before their Monday a.m. flight, but the ride back into Penn Station was just as nice, and when I parted ways with the Trans at Penn Station, mama actually hugged me hard and said into my ear, We'll miss you! Talk about taking a girl's heart out of her chest and crushing it. I love that family so dearly, and we're only in the early stages of getting to know each other. Again, and again, thank you, Universe, for this.*There's a lot more to come, but I feel this post is dragging on. I got to spend a majority of Sunday with Jake in Central Park. I want to recap that, also, here. Jake is...really quite of deserving of his own post. I'm still in awe of it. I'm in awe of everything, right now. The people I'm meeting are changing my life. More to follow on JK and our million mile adventure in the Park, photography, captioning the boaters, the roller skating rink near the Literary Mall. This week: John Legend at Terminal 5 with Kimchi. Denver is booked, a long November weekend...Uyen has already sent links to us...Garden of the Gods, Red Rocks, Spa Day in the mountains for the girls, a "real vodka bar" according to Joel, haha...so much stuff, so much unfolding happiness for this girl. I'm falling back into love with life. Finally.*

Globes

2010-09-14T18:53:00.003-04:00

Welcome to Night 2 Operation KB Spends Quality Time Alone to Get Used to What it Feels Like Entertaining and Loving Herself Again. After a whirlwind of a weekend, actually beginning Thursday night with some of the most divine women imaginable at my favorite bar The Globe (Suhana, my Persian Indian princess, Sarah, with her gorgeous Irish accent and her adorable "brilliant!" exclamations, and Russian Olga with her ability to see right into your soul with those kind dark eyes) I'm taking a few days off to meditate on who I am and who I'm becoming. How much do I love the diversity of my new friends? Ah. It's most definitely like taking a walk through interesting cultures, yet at the same time, we're all New Yorkers just getting by, so we're inexplicably linked via that. Ha, what I offer is my Midwestern good heart, but that's okay too - my girls embrace it. I owe a lot to Suhana. I met her for the first time months ago, back when I was basically just stepping foot out into the wild as a solo creature. We hit it off - she's so smart, into poetry, photography, human nature and philosophizing. She's eloquent, she's clever, she's beautiful. Anyway, she disappeared for a few weeks from The Globe and I guess I sort of assumed she quit? Then one afternoon, a really steamy gross summer one where sweat was rising from the pavement, I was on my walk from Penn Station to the apartment having just returned from visiting Aubree and Brian on Long Island, and it was so disgusting that I decided to pop into The Globe to cool down. And there was Suhana! It's slow in there on Sundays until around 5, and this was earlier in the afternoon, so we started catching up and she informed me she had been to San Francisco (home), Greece and Turkey over the past weeks. Ever since that afternoon, we've been close, and getting closer all the time. All along, all this time I've been aching for girlfriends but I didn't really know it. Anyway, I've been somewhat of a nervous wreck about introducing Suha and Kim. They're both brilliant (thanks, Irish friends!) but somewhat on opposite ends of the spectrum. Turns out, one night about a week ago or so, Kim and I stumbled into The Globe for a "last drink" (right) after some fun out on the town earlier, and Suha was there! They loved each other! Oh, how happy am I! It was a great night, wherein Eamon (one of the Irish brother owners) hung out with us and a couple of guys hung out too (one who later texted Kim, "Hey, it's John that walked away. Meet me outside for a smoke." He's permanently John that walked away now. Ha.) And Kim and Suha loved each other, oh!*Friday night, this past, I met up with Adam and Julie at Hop Devil for happy hour beers - all draft beer, half off, which means delicious beers at approximately $3.25 a pint! A steal! All the way til 8 o'clock! They had plans to meet Niki for improv comedy, and I had promised my new friend Erica I'd meet up with her and her brother Alex...Kim had sent me a text of her locale, so I dropped Adam and Julie off at this incredible tiny German sausage/beer spot for eats and jumped in a cab to go to The Mason Jar, a cutesy bar in the 30's between Park and Madison. At The Mason Jar already were Kim, Joanna, Will, Mike, Bento, two of Bento's friends and Erica and Alex. What a very fun night. Ack, I love these people! Joanna sends me into stitches as does Kim...Erica had a lot of fun, as well, and we wound up at Rattle N Hum a little while later, which I also love. Around Rattle N Hum time, a guy I met once before and have somewhat of a story about from back when showed up, Sam. I call him Boston Sam because he is native to Boston (though, without the wacked [awesome but wacked] Boston accent.) There was an immediate weird thick tension that traveled across the wires but we're all adults here, let bygones be bygones, right? Hmm, not so the case, really...anyway, it was good to see him and in the morning he took me to brunch. He's a traveler, widely traveled, travels constantly for business as well as for pleasure, so he's not around enough to make anything matter or last long. It's just...the funny thing is, after the first meeting, we didn't communicate for weeks, and one random day, I was exiting via one of the egresses at 23rd and Park Ave South that I really never, ever use to meet Kim at a place we'd never been before, and there were tons of people in the station but I actually saw Sam. We made fleeting eye contact and recognition sort of happened but it was uncertain. When I met Kim we were chatting and at some point I recalled it and I said, Oh! Kim, is there a chance I would have run into Sam in the 23rd Ave station?? And she was like, YES, he works RIGHT THERE! So the next morning I texted Sam, Did I see you at the 23rd Ave station last night? And he texted back, Haha, I thought that was you. Amazing, small town, ingenious, I love it here. Ok, so Boston Sam is a brain (hard to come by here) and I could go on, but I imagine we'll just continue on with random, Oh Hey encounters, and I'm moving on with life. He leaves for Ecuador very soon to visit friends and really, that's okay. Brunch was nice, though. Sober conversation. Smart exchange.*So the intensity with which I'm adoring Suhana and Kim is fairly insurmountable. Suha is soon to host a girl party for us: me, Sarah, Kim, Olga, and we're going to smash trash talk boys and drink wine and eat food Suha prepares and sing praises to being amazing women. Saturday night found me with Kim once again, and Sunday, we met at The Globe around 2 in the afternoon to play with Suha some more. Valentino (Chris Valentino, good friend of ours) met us there and things got outright unmentionable but it was all in amazing fun. After having so much face time with so many beautiful friends, I elected to take off Monday and Tuesday this week. Just relax...enjoy KB. Tomorrow night I'm seeing Kristin Hersh again, this time at Joe's Pub with 2 other authors and a musician. Life's good and getting better, some days worse because I'm lonesome but I also highly value who I am right now. Thursday night is Roommate Dinner Night here at the Palace and Friday will wind up surely being Happy Hour night. Saturday Kim invited me to Long Island...her parents are in town and will be cooking up legendary Vietnamese cuisine for Kim and friends and me. Plans are being made, social life is spreading its wings and flying. I love my new friends so much. They all deserve giant bear hugs from Life and the Universe for helping me get through.

Anniversaries

2010-09-07T19:09:00.003-04:00

Craig and I never did really celebrate any kind of anniversary, which always sort of frustrated me. I suppose my birthday was kind of like one in a way, but my birthday is also standalone because my birthday ROCKS as do I, yeah! Shortly after things went down, I learned that Concrete Blonde would be touring in honor of their TWENTY (20) YEAR ANNIVERSARY for Bloodletting. Someone, hand me my cane! I am getting old. I went to see Concrete Blonde in Cincinnati when I was, say, 14 or so, with Becca, Emily, Jen and Becca's mom (our kind hearted chaperone and driver who was ragingly cool and liked good music and probably, come to think of it, smoked pot)(enhancing her coolness) and so I found it only apropos that 20 years later (give or take) I'd find out about this show being performed so close to me it'd be downright ridiculous for me to NOT go. I invited Benjamine, who loves live music, and she and I made it a date. It was amazing. This woman, Johnette Napolitano, I'm telling you has not aged one year since I saw her back then. She is stunning, electric, her energy contagious, her voice still that same husky brilliance of back then. And considering I've made it somewhat of a tradition to see something vintage at least once per year, this was it. And it blew my mind. I later in the year saw Lady GaGa but that is totally irrelevant to my life (other than I run the heck out of the treadmill when I listen to "Bad Romance" and "Poker Face") so we won't discuss this any further.*Onto more gratitude delivery. There have been people who have just thrown themselves down to help and be there for me. I spent probably approximately two months denying myself access to anyone. It was a totally backwards way to operate my way through such a heartbreak. What happens when one gets abandoned? They abandon everyone else? How pathetic and disdainful of me. People were worried, they cared. I just shut down. Somewhere along the lines my co-worker and now faithful friend Niki stepped in. Or I stepped her in. I don't completely recall the logistics of how it happened because my mind filled with a deep black smoke much of February, March and on into April. But whatever it was, however it elapsed, she helped me through in ways that I'm completely indebted to her for. I don't know what prevented me from ever asking her for an ear before? The idea of becoming close to a co-worker? Trusting someone in the office? Either way, Niki has (and continues to do so) supported me very gently, really walking me through some stuff. She and I went through some debit card # compromising situation wherein we ate lunch together and had our #'s stolen along with another of our co-workers. I won't go into it but it was semi-disastrous for all of us and somehow, I just dealt with it with a nonchalance I don't normally possess. I told this to Niki and she said she experienced the same smooth calm, and she said, (paraphrase), "I don't know, I just figured it was another thing to add to the pile. Throw it on, I'll deal with it somehow." Ever since, I've been laughing in my head a little at that sentiment. That's sort of how my year has unfolded: throw it on the pile, I'll get to it. And I know, I know, I know: I don't have it that bad. I've got a fresh start in one of, nay, the best of America's cities. I can afford (somehow, though not in the easiest fashion) to see a weekly therapist who tonight was enlightened to learn that I stopped taking depression medication back in March (oops, I'm always leaving out the important stuff, sorry, Ingrid!) I have an active social life, a gym membership, a neighborhood that kicks all other neighborhoods' asses (sorry, other nabes, I love a lot of you, too, just this one the best!) I've met some incredible souls in my journeys since February. It's getting better all of the time, and each day I wonder how much more I have to see/learn. Suhana's thanks are going to wait for next time. I want to express that I have this ability to swing from one extreme to another quite quickly but I would never, ever, ever self diagnose bipolarity. I think it's more of life appreciation than anything else. My for instance: this coming Saturday I'm attending this massive Literary Pub Crawl in the East Village which is a lot of bars hosting literary-related events. Oh, the thought of it makes me want to sing out! Anyway, one of the events is hosted by three authors, one of the three being an Irish (obsessed, KB wants an Irishman asap) guy who maintains a pretty hilarious website and has since published a book about his Irish Catholic upbringing in Philly. So I've been reading his website and laughing literally out loud (I guess the kids are too cool to do an "LLOL")(uck, "LOL" is the worst, text speak is the grossest thing ever, I want to shoot at text messages that abbreviate to the point of being English Language destructive)(ick) but after enjoying his hilarity I was able to toss a little Glen Hansard into my ears and find the depths of sadness that I know that are enhanced by other sad souls on my way to see Ingrid tonight. I can feel both happy and sad at heightened extremes - while I don't think that that is a bipolar diagnosis in the least bit, I definitely feel sympathy toward those with the disorder, because it's hard enough for me being in control of my version of it (want to laugh? find a funny author. want to cry? throw in some sad tune.) I can't imagine it being involuntary. I will be starting Kristin Hersh's Rat Girl soon, which is the story of her diagnosis as being bipolar along with the discovery she was pregnant all while trying to be a teenager starting a band, so maybe I'll get a better grasp on the disorder from the book. Either way, I am blessed to now not be on medication and to be reigning in my emotions, unlike in the past decade, which found me stumbling over sharp rocks, scraping my feet, bruising my shins.

Books

2010-09-06T12:24:00.004-04:00

Labor Day weekend has descended upon us and it has found me entertained in a variety of ways. I suppose it's beyond time that I start introducing the new people who have accompanied me in my goings on in the last several months. They have been key in my recovery, and each of them deserves rightful appreciation because frankly, I couldn't have made it this far without them. The story of my recovery begins with Benjamine. I believe it was a matter of mere days prior to the actual KB/CB split that Craig and I received an email from his cousin Paul in Arizona, introducing us to her via The Net and inviting us to warmly welcome her to New York City. Paul and B worked together on the Super Bowl event that took place at the Cardinals' stadium (which Hunt built.) B decided that to map out her dreams, moving here was the best option (though she even left a love interest behind in AZ.) The KB/CB split happened, and I died inside, and I told Craig, I've got this. Benjamine is my new friend. We can't share this. He was respectful of that. So I met B at a cute little restaurant on Montague Street in Brooklyn and I fell in instant friend love. B is this girl that just melts your heart - her kindness, sweetness, willingness to listen, caring soul - are all evident within moments of meeting her. And that first night, I made no mention of Craig. I literally skated over everything as if none of it meant anything at all. She didn't pry, and we spent the evening just getting to know each other via our histories. It was a pretty night. I felt a glow having found a new friend. But upon our next girl date, I felt compelled to share with her. She so generously embraced it and promised me that we were most clearly meant to meet right when we did. That seems right. B has been nothing but goodness ever since, though, she is extremely busy and it proves difficult to meet up (as is the case of all New York, which I'll further explore later on.) Next up: Kim Tran. Oh, my dear, brilliant, beautiful and hilarious Kim Tran. Kim is someone I also clearly was destined to meet. Things do happen for a reason. I believe it. My co-worker Russell invited me out to Happy Hour one Friday, and the turn out was huge, something like 20 people! And in the sea of Happy Hour goers was Kim. That initial night, we didn't actually converse much because I had invited Benjamine and didn't want B to feel awkward around a lot of strangers, but Kim seemed pleasant (and ridiculously magnetic in her personality.) I can't pinpoint the Happy Hour that sealed our friendship, but over time, we've aimed to spend one night a week together - she is from Wyoming, and her brother Phi has recently left New York to travel travel see see do do and has since landed in California to find his own. I got to know both Kim and Phi closely quickly, and I can't thank the Universe ENOUGH for extending these people to me. Kim is tiny, precious, professional, brave, independent, unbelievably clever and funny, maintains plans (big deal, here) and has an Ex-Joe, so she and I can commiserate together on the highs and lows of how things shook down. We had an adventure together Thursday night that led to a lot of hilarity, and my crush on an Irish guy that works at my favorite bar is confirmed, but he's leaving for Ireland for a long family holiday so I don't know when I'll see him again. Kim gave her number to two guys that night, which means in the morning she arrived upon two really funny random anonymous texts - it's all a part of being this single in this City. Very funny. Saturday I visited Kim again - she's UES, so it's nostalgic visiting my old nabe, and we spent the day together and I kept thinking, I've been thinking, so repeatedly that I can't get over this movie I've stumbled upon. Music. Love. It's called Once, and I found it in such a roundabout way (Dan/Adam introduce me to the AV Club, I go to the website, banner reads, "The Swell Season covers Neutral Milk Hotel" and of course, my heart sank to my toes! Click on the video to view it, and I don't curse often in this sphere but fuck, was it a solid cover, began research, etc., learned the movie Once was made with this Irish fellow and his Czech counterpart who are The Swell Season and it just has me left with chills, every time I view it, which is now easily going on 5 x's! Haha)(the music stays with me and I've now left my apartment approximately 80 x's with one particular song on my iPhone that makes me smile and smile and smile while I walk.)(THANKS, MUSIC! Thanks, Glen. I have a giant massive sad love crush on you.)(I think I want to be with an Irishman.) So, I inquire of Kim, Can we watch it? And she's like, Of course, KB, so we travel to a Blockbuster somewhere nearby and we're good and tipsy by this point, but we're on a mission. So we pick it up, head to her apartment, she pours us huge glasses of wine and we start watching. And again, and again and again, I fall in love with what happens in this movie. It's like the most romantic movie made about music, ever. In the morning, I wake up from having passed out on her couch (second time, wearing same dress, funny) and she calls out, Are you alive? And we spent the morning drinking water from martini glasses (well, I did) before she headed to Long Island for the remainder of the weekend. Kim is just...perfect. She's this perfect friend who will never, ever disappear without warning, who would never ditch friends for a boy, who will always be this pivotal force for me, now. I got to meet her childhood friend Uyen and Uyen's husband a couple of months ago, spent almost the entire week that they were here with them. Uyen has been begging us to visit them in Denver, and I think we're going to go! Kim's great. And her brother Phi is just indescribably amazing, too. He and I keep in pretty close touch - I hope Cali works out for him, but if not, I wouldn't mind having him back here.*The other person I want to extend my gratitude for now is Chris. I've sort of mentioned him, dropped a few things here and there about him, but not gone into any serious detail. Chris (Buffalo) just visited me last weekend. We had a brilliant time. I felt like such a genius hostess. Oh, and, I caught up with an ex-bf from college, as well...um, different story for different day, not to infringe on my thanks to Chris. While Chris was here, I experienced a range of affections that I feel like I haven't been able to be the recipient of in like 100 years. He's so charming, so easy to be around. We went to dinner Friday night at Molly's and OOPS, Sam was bar tending. Let's not discuss that either, shall we not? Saturday I took Chris to Mud for brunch, St. Marks, a bar called Bull McCabe's where we penned stuff in Sharpie on the Cessna plane that is "crashed" in BM's beer garden. Then we headed back to the apartment to clean up, and grabbed a cab to the West Side, The Frying Pan, which is this NYC phenomenon - old boats tethered together, $35 buckets of 6 Corona (ack!) but the atmosphere is so worth it. And if not for him, I would have never explored the underbelly of one of the boats, which was rusty and creepy and awesome and very much like being in a Saw movie! There is even a science lab down there with a specimen cabinet - visually thrilling, really! So cool, so cool. Then we had tickets to a Circle Line Harbor Lights cruise...very, very great. The weather was so right. He loved it, couldn't stop taking photos. We had been texting his brothers off and on through the day, and he spoke to his father a couple of times, and it felt good for me to know that they were happy that he was with me. After the boat, we swung by The Globe and Suhana (she's up next as thanks go) was working! Chris, of course, fell madly in love with her (who doesn't? She's chic intelligent divine beauty!) and we spent a while there before heading back to the apartment to watch some Dexter. Sunday, we brunched at this cute little place down the street, then took the train to Times Square. I haven't been in years, so I was overjoyed to reconnect. Following that, we went to Citi Field...hello, old haunts...but I was impressed with it, with myself for having endured it, the construction, the panic attacks and everything. After the 7th inning, we headed to the Astoria Bohemian Beer Garden to meet up with Chris' childhood friend Jake who works for some TV show, is a photographer and lives there in Astoria. I can't explain...so much fun. Jake and Chris are so funny together, and just had me in stitches, really, really. We spent the whole rest of the night with Jake in Queens. And now? Well, I had asked Chris if he minded if Jake and I exchanged numbers - Chris got a funny little look on his face, like...really?...but he sent me Jake's number and Jake and I are now texting. I asked him to concoct a photography adventure for us. He comes back to town Tuesday from visiting friends, so I'm excited for a new friend via another friend because those tend to be the best kind around here.

In summary,

B~thanks, eternally.

Kim, infinite good times ahead for us! And strongly bonded friendship.

Chris, you helped me remember that I'm attractive, strong, alive.

Suhana...we'll get to you later, woman (Niki, you as well, don't think I've forgotten everything you've done.)

Jake, can't wait to be random City adventurer with you.

And books? I started reading again. Brilliant.

Crashes

2010-09-01T19:58:00.005-04:00

(Neutral Milk Hotel lyrics penned on the crashed cessna in Bull McCabe's beer garden-nice!)

Yeah, it's been a long, long, long time, Ms. Blog Page, since we've encountered one another. I've missed and loved you in strange and mysterious ways while we've been apart! All the while exploring sections and scores of me that I haven't been aware existed in a decade! In truth, I did want to come back to this page with a BANG (thanks, tv, and Bare Naked Ladies) but I'm feeling somewhat melancholic as I approach this first-in-a-long-time post. Let's just kick it into gear, shall we? Foremost, last night I witnessed one of the most engaging hours of my life I'm likely to witness, as Kristin Hersh was interviewed, read from her newly published memoir, and performed four acoustic songs on a Barnes & Noble stage at Union Square. I can't begin to entertain the notion that I could recap this experience in any shape or form, so I'm just going to leave it at...it was perfection dressed in a tulle of utter brilliance accessorized in a beaded broach of grace haloed in a mist of elegance that doesn't grace stages much anymore these days, what with the music industry having gone sour. And the art industry. And the writing one. Kristin Hersh remains this raw rare pearl. I had goosebumps the entire hour. Part of that relates to my health issues, but who gives a (you know what) about that considering all of the things I've seen and done since the death of my previous relationship and the fact of my future. Anyway, pretty sure most of the goosebumps came from that feeling I get when something reaches down my throat, grabs a hold of my heart, and squeezes it so tightly that my breathing becomes shallow and my pulse thuds through my chest. She was impeccable in her delivery of response to questions asked by such a dumb journalist. I was embarrassed for the journalist...literally, the woman asked Kristin, "So what did your diary look like? I mean, did you dot your "i"'s with hearts?" (wtf, shoot me now?)...and Kristin responded, "Well my handwriting's so bad it actually looks like a heart monitor..." stirring laughter in the crowd. Of course, Kristin has this ability, with her husky beautiful throaty voice, her eloquence, and wit, to win over anyone in her midst. And Kristin sang "Gazebo Tree", "Flooding", "Your Dirty Answer", and "Your Ghost". All sounding as if she just rose from the sea, a mystical musical creature to save lives. Those who choose to be a part of her, that is.*I must move on. Life has been awkward. I've met and loved twenty or thirty people on varying levels of love. I've stopped dreaming altogether. I never dream, now. I was on this astral travel kick...now, I just sleep. I panic; I think in stream of consciousness. I'm still seeing The Therapist named Ingrid. I literally worship the streets of New York City. When I'm walking now, by myself, or with someone even, and I know which direction is which, and I know that my home is not far from there, I am shooting silent prayers from my hip, reminding whomever is in charge of my destiny (be it me or that entity) that I'm not ungrateful for this, for this chance at a new life and a new me and the old me combined with the new me to become a solid presence. I owe a bunch of stuff to a lot of people and since this isn't a Thank You speech, I won't go into it just yet, who those people are. But I will, in time. Life got good around May then sunk then rose then fluttered then flipped backwards then soared then trenched then rocked then hurt then begged me to slow down...then begged me to speed up...then kissed my lips, bruised my flesh, ate my dignity and swallowed me down. I'm not sure where I'm at tonight, as I type, inspired by beauty, failed by love, filled with hope and lured by tomorrow. All I really know is that I wanted this blog page to stay MINE. It started MINE. It IS MINE. The old parts can stay and hang out, as long as they can get along with the new parts. Kristin (me) as a spirit looking for what her spirit entails. Is it wisdom? Poetry? Art? Music? Something as simple as a nice coffee table or books or thrills or setbacks or lows or highs? We'll see. Anyway, I'm back.

Endings

2010-05-19T18:22:00.003-04:00

This post has been brewing for a great volume of time. In fact, it's probably been written and re-written in my mind for years. February 2010 marked the conclusion of the Craig~Kristin saga. An entire decade later, it's most visible to us both (though it took me much longer to face it) that we're not patterned for one another. I suppose I could tumble out a litany of sad explanations, or I could cry out the years of pain I've suffered (although in the throes, I didn't actualize what was happening to me because I was blind to love instead.) And perhaps in time I will. I've debated starting a new blog to override this one, but the problem with that is that many, many moments have been captured on this site which I'd like to not leave behind. In terms of Craig, in terms of me, my adventures, my (at times) hysteria or my courage or my elation. I feel that the person I'm becoming now, or rather the person I was prior to letting the relationship with Craig smother me (not blaming him in particular - rather the relationship) is such a heroic, happy, hilarious, brilliant and beautiful soul (trust me when I say that believing this is taking every ounce of my being) and that I can rise above now. We've remained roommates until now, and he moves out June 1. I requested that he give me time to financially stabilize myself. He complied. And I'm still on the hunt for a roommate to take the 2nd BR in this Gramercy Park apartment, because this neighborhood is pivotal in my recovery. He's moving to Brooklyn, thank goodness.*Immediately upon the pull of this trigger, I fell apart. I didn't fall apart normally the way I fall apart. I've fallen apart many times in my life. But this was far different. I collapsed. I don't want to re-live it, not just yet (it will eventually become part of who I am about to become, but for now, the wound is too raw and isn't yet sealed.) Craig has at times walked beside me in this state of erratic emotion, but he's never carried me. I think I credited him with carrying me for quite some time. Yep. Nope. He didn't. He takes credit for sticking it out as long as he did. He can have that credit, if it helps him sleep at night. But for me? I just want a new start. Since we weren't together come my 33rd birthday in April, I hosted my own East Village/Lower East Side girl party - so many incredible of my female friends made it out in celebration of ME - Benjamine, Lauren, Amanda, Michelle, Niki, Moyin and Gemma - and we had so much fun. Long story short - Craig didn't really have any interest in helping me celebrate my 33rd, so I took the birthday into my own hands. And I've since decided to take a whole host of things into my own hands. And it feels good. Great, even. I've acquired a new Happy Hour crew on Friday nights via one of my co-workers - incredible people - they embraced me without thinking twice about it. Those are the types of people I want to surround myself with. I've been on a couple of dates (NYC dates, hmm, different and interesting than other times I've gone on dates!)...I made it to Gale's wedding (after designing her invites and programs) and served as a pretty savvy bridesmaid. Being in Richmond again, where Craig and I once lived harmoniously if not happily, didn't feel like being sentenced to facing my own ghosts as I imagined it might. Instead, I embraced a whole new existence as a single girl attending a good friend's wedding, flirting madly, loving everything. For me, Gale's wedding weekend will forever mark a milestone in my recovery. Being with her new family, with her old and new friends and with her reminded me that life most definitely moves forward for the better. I loved it. Again, I feel as though this post is merely outlining some new life terms for me and that I'd like to go into more detail later on. I don't want to cry - much of this, thinking of it, typing it, attending therapy sessions (also a part of all of this) (Ingrid has more or less saved my life) still brings tears to my eyes. It's been probably the most educational journey I've gone on thus far in my life. But I'm moving forward, steps at a time. Friday I am flying out to visit Gale's brother-in-law in Buffalo who is the twin of Gale's husband. He was ever present the entire weekend and there was not only attraction, but I also felt comfortable being around him - he's clearly a person that cares about everything in his midst, which I don't think I've been exposed to in far, far, far too long. My Happy Hour crew invited me for fish tacos and margaritas this past Sunday; I was breaths away from bailing, but I wound up going and had a brilliant time! They are so cool. I've found a new band called Old Canes that is absolutely helping me to get through hours at a time just by listening. Life is ahead for me. I spent Saturday morning through night into Sunday morning with the Albanos out on Long Island. Aubree and I caught up on over a year's worth of our lives. I love her so much! I have this bottomless supply of love, and for too many years, I've limited the distribution of that love to just Craig. And now? Oh, the options of who to deliver to. And I don't just mean romantic love - I mean, People Love! Give it out, KB girl. They deserve to be on the receiving end as much as I deserve to be on the receiving end of theirs. New, new, new reinvented girl...ready to take it all on. This time, this new decade won't find me letting someone hurt me so often.*So blogging might still be spotty for a bit, til he's out and I'm steadied on my feet. All of this adventure has landed me in perhaps the very best place I could ever find myself single and free of chains. NYC! And it's mine now. It's no longer ours. Just mine. Mine. What a great thought!

Changes

2010-04-06T20:02:00.003-04:00

(disclaimer: i'm pretty sure i've used "changes" as a subject previously. no originality!)

Life evolves. Sometimes memories carry over, experiences, emotion from previous chapters. Other times it's best to release them, crush them into feathered dust and shed them from the palm. I'd planned tentatively to ditch this website, run from it and not look back. I'd anticipated that the pain of maintaining this site over so many years would be devastating beyond imagination and that I'd rather bury it all beneath the tunnels of New York City. But a few things have happened to remind me that I exist, too. I, too, deserve memories, love, peaceful sleep, stunning dreams (there's a whole "astral travel" thing I've not yet fully explored yet believe I've experienced!), someone to cook for me, someplace that feels like home more than any home has ever felt like home? So, instead of bailing on Elements, I'm going to keep its legacy alive. I will explore the past, perhaps not soon, but maybe once I've recovered from a whole bunch of months (also years) worth of gaping wounds constantly burned with salt. I'm encountering demons I previously refused to acknowledge. I'm hosting them, but (sshh!) suffocating them slowly while they inhabit my heart. KB won't let these demons beat her. Lots more to come.*Above, Gramercy Park is the most incredible neighborhood. Oh. I couldn't ask for a better place to call home. Oh!

Classes

2010-02-03T19:07:00.003-05:00

This is that really lazy point where I don't remember and don't feel like checking back to find if I've posted this Paris photo yet, but I'm nearly positive I have not yet. I still miss Paris. I miss that feeling that something new and beautiful is just around the corner waiting for me to see it. And I feel that this old Metro stop is apropos since tomorrow I start class - hey, I'm all metro, studying art in NYC. :) No, really though, this feels nerve wracking, fun, frustrating and fulfilling all at one time. I'm nervous to try to live back up to where I once thought my potential had reached, doing design stuff. Fun - what could be more fun than having the most artistic inspiration, anywhere (well, except for maybe in Europe!) at the very near and far reaches of my eyes, living in this enigmatically visually stimulating town?? Frustrating...well, I hate that it's taken so many ugly hits in my current career to drive me back to study something that I left behind. It's frustrating that I am going to slink into a classroom tomorrow having earned a BFA and my own show at IU in this subject, and now I'm resigning to achieving a certificate in the same thing. But what's fulfilling, aside from the fact that I've already consumed a good portion of Josef Albers' Interaction of Color, and have actually absorbed the information! (I sucked so badly at Color Theory at IU - my heart was off chasing Catherine Bowman and her poetry workshops), is that unlike at IU, I think I'm really looking forward to my visual self and what my assignments can do with my ability to see. I will definitely be refreshing myself (and even learning new!) on software programs. I have not one, but two computers now, at my very fingertips. I feel differently now - I'm closing in on 33 and I want my life to unfold like a brilliant sunset, where colors and light and dark and myself converge to form something whole. So, here I go, off to find that girl who once loved art more than life itself - paints, pens, blank pages, layered type. I'm avoiding printing press courses this time around. :) I've got my eye on a book cover design course, although, I'm not sure how often it's taught (I can't fit it in this semester.) I have a portfolio to build! Maybe I can network at my day job if I get the chance, and then both my studies and my day job can come together in a tidy little package. I have chances ahead. I hope to use them wisely.*Tonight, soon, we're grabbing a cab to go to the Upper East Side - time to drop off rent, and visit Nina's. I love where we live now, but the old neighborhood is never far from my heart.*Cheers, sante, to tomorrow night, my first class in what I hope to be a long line of successful ones.

Means

2010-01-29T19:15:00.003-05:00

Oh, how I loved standing outside at the Louvre. Look at this! There is the pyramid designed by I.M. Pei (who also designed the IU Art Museum, yes!) which is modern and catchy and interesting, set in the foreground of some of the oldest most grand architecture I've ever seen! Craig kept wanting to go back, each day we were in Paris. It swelled my heart. What an amazing feeling, standing there breathing in some of the most terrific sights one might ever see.*It's Friday, and I can't (still) recap the rest of Paris. I miss our European adventure so deeply. I feel it, at least once a day. Recently I've been traveling in my dreams, far distances: Florida, Amsterdam! Last night I was in Amsterdam. Craig said, the other morning, "Do you ever just spend the night in our apartment in New York City?" Funny, not often anymore!*Anyway, it's one thousand degrees below normal tonight, so we're staying in (he's presently sleeping) and staying warm. I want to somehow declare the intensity of what I am to begin next week: art school in New York City. I know it isn't a thrill to just anyone, or even to those who've been handed it silver spoon-style and still manage to stand outside of their expensive New York universities puffing away on pricey cigarettes and wearing their "vintage" (overly priced vintage) clothing, with perfectly highlighted pink hair (or what have you.) But for me? This is like I'm living a huge long-awaited dream. I realize I drone on about how writing and New York have done all this for me, but in actuality, I'm too thick for that. I'm too...bonkers and misunderstood (haha) and not qualified to write a word that I can claim is inspired by this town. But visual art? Seeing things a little differently? Here? I can only imagine where my head will run once given assignments in the visual art realm. Fine Arts in New York City. Paying for school as I go. The other day, I purchased art supplies for one class. They cost way more than I wish to confess. But I didn't experience that awkward, Oh, shit, I need to call Dad for money so that I can pay my phone bill since I just spent every last penny I have on supplies thing. It definitely pained me to spend that much on Color-Aid paper? But I didn't have to wonder if packaged dried foods might even not be in my budget. Oh, college. I emerged from Union Square yesterday to find the art supplies store, purchased my stuff, then headed to the bookstore. I rode the escalator what felt like 100 x's to the 4th floor where the art section lives. I felt a small fire in my belly as I wove through the books, the beautiful art and design books. I quickly found (happily) Interaction of Color by Josef Albers, our required text for the Color Theory course (Saturdays.) I've read a ton of it already. I love it. I know I knew of Josef Albers at IU, but we're now reuniting. I can't wait to be confused by color. I can't wait to be an art student with grown up aspirations, nothing like when I was too young to know if I was upside down, facing forward or backward. I want this attempt to be conscientious. I want it to have results. I can't wait...all of the Adobe programs are installed and updated on my computer. I'm ready. I can't wait to find myself and my soul again.*Craig is up. I want to hang out with him now. I could gush on and on, but there's time for that. Later, more time for that. Sante!

Pleasures

2010-01-12T18:55:00.003-05:00

Amsterdam with Canal and Bikes

No continuation of Paris just yet. I'm juggling a lot of my dearest interests right now, attempting to fill evenings (now that they're longer in terms of free time) with a minimum of an hour of Kristi stuff, sometimes more if possible. Tonight I flubbed my hours a bit because I left my apartment keys at home, therefore had to call Craig (who stayed a few minutes longer at the office than I) for him to pass his keys to me, since he was heading off to the gym. Speaking of which: I'm proud of his motivation. He's going for work outs a solid 3 to 4 times a week, and I know he loves that high physical feeling (whereas I prefer the quiet time in the apartment to do other things like write and contemplate.) One time consuming project for me has been the design of my friend Gale's wedding invitation. I offered to do it for a host of reasons: it'll be more affordable, she can have a lot heavier hand in calling the shots, it'll be meaningful for me, and it's been good for me to get my head back in the game with typography (the other day Craig mistook my pronunciation of that for "topography" and he wondered why I'd be taking a class on maps down the line during pursuit of this certificate, haha!) So, for some of late December and now a portion of January, I've been throwing around drafts of this thing, and I believe we've come to a pretty decent end product (I even snuck in a little of my own phrasing in lieu of the exact wording she selected! She said I could do so.) I will post the final at some point. The project was taxing on my eyes and my recollection of rules of composition. And I remember how grossly in college I loathed symmetry yet also was repulsed by asymmetry for the pure sake of asymmetry, so this had me crossing back and forth between what's compositionally sound yet interesting and what would be easily deemed classic or plain. Fonts will forever remain an internal struggle for me to satisfy. There are fonts that I love, but they're rare, and I remember how I'd manipulate those few fonts to suit my needs (ultimately resulting in many similar pieces!) This project of course enabled me to climb outside of my font box, as I offered a link for her to choose one that she loved, then also incorporated a font I found inside of my MacBook (one I believe I remember from back in college which means it's an oldie but goodie!) So, next up is to size it properly on the page, determining dimensions and then it's on to paper shopping! There is a very nice art supplies store at 23rd (yay, for school time!) which I will likely rely on for paper options. Thanks, Gale, for allowing me to be not only a bridesmaid but another integral part in your blessed day!*So, I was thinking to myself earlier about all of this time I'm finding freed up to do stuff. We're on the ascent now, clambering out of the shortest days of the year portion of the season, which means daylight increases day by day. Therefore in the summertime, even sooner in the spring!, I will be exponentially more motivated to accomplish in the evenings. Tonight, for instance, as I waited for Craig at the Hanson Place lobby in Brooklyn for him to pass off the apartment keys, light faded to night. By the time I emerged at 22nd and Park Ave South around 6, light was for the most part depleted. I picked up some Extra Virgin Olive Oil and arrived home and phoned my mom & dad as today is my dad's birthday (but he is out to dinner with co-workers and wasn't home to enjoy my YOU SAY IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY! wishes [he plays that over the phone every year on my birthday because playing that song was a tradition he established very early on in my life when I was a kid living at home!]) and after speaking to my mom for half an hour or so, and after having fired up the laptop for a little bit of blog entry time, it's 7:25 and I'm tired (because the curtains are drawn and it may as well be 10 pm what with no daylight streaming in!) What about when it's 7:25 and the sky is still bright blue for another 2 hours?? Oh! Can't wait!*Tonight, sun-dried tomato pesto with feta cheese and Brussels sprouts. Maybe an hour of television. Or maybe I read! Or nose through Europe photographs. Or do whatever. This shorter commute elates me.

Pauses

2010-01-03T14:00:00.003-05:00

(Finally, a snow covered Central Park for me and Craig in 2009!)

Obviously I became distracted in the midst of the Paris narrative and never completed it. I will, I hope to, at least, sometime soon. For now, I'm propped relaxed in the warmth of our apartment in our new neighborhood watching new snow fall with no sounds except the French neighbor chatting in the hallway (appropriate that our neighbor is French, right?) It's now 2010, and we're home safely from an extended visit back in the Midwest, wherein we ate quite well, hugged lots of family, friends and adorable rug rats (I miss them all the time, all of them), exchanged gifts, drove around way, way too much for my taste (I dared not try my luck behind the wheel again, despite Craig's teasing) and ran ourselves weary. Our flights were quite successful even in the midst of Holiday chaos - LaGuardia to Midway Christmas Eve, Midway to Indianapolis the Monday following Christmas, and yesterday, Indianapolis back to LaGuardia, all with little flight delay. Craig headed out to Best Buy armed with gift cards as well as with cash from my parents - it's new receiver time, what with the purchase of the Play Station 3 which does not compute with his old receiver to deliver surround sound. I'm soaking up the silence as long as I've got it.* So how do I catch up on so many hours and days worth of quality time spent at home? And where do I begin to detail my emergence from a decade of ups, downs, ins, outs, pros, cons and more laughter and tears than I can begin to recall? I'm blessed that 2000 thru 2009 showered me with masses of travel, education, love, hope, health, energy, and wisdom powdered with fears, lows and nightmares. Times are radically different today than they were when I timidly crept from Bloomington, Indiana as a graduate with no idea of what would come. Technology is brilliant. Communication with others both far and near is lazy, but convenient and admirable all at once. Me? I'm changed, very much so. I'm stronger, smarter, more in tune to myself and yet damaged beyond repair in many ways, as well. I suppose age will do that. I've reached bliss, and I've battled abysmal. I've wavered somewhere in between often, as well, yielding very little creative productivity. The 2010 plan is to change that. I've signed up to take 2 Graphic Design courses at Parsons, rather, 1 Color Theory course and 1 Graphic Design course. I intend to achieve a Certificate from Parsons, build a portfolio, seek possible free lance work and dance my creative soul back into the visual realm. My coursework begins in early February, consisting of a Tuesday evening class and a Saturday afternoon class. I have this laptop, now. I have Photoshop (thanks again and again, JD.) I attended a free Photoshop seminar a few weeks ago which reminded me that visual art software programs tackle beauty from so many intuitive angles and I can't wait to become a part of that again. I feel that however miniscule I may seem to myself, at times, there are abilities that I possess that I should be indebted to delivering to others, because others deliver theirs to me. I take and take, and yet what do I give? To this decade, this next one that I get to experience, I want to offer my talents. I want to approach living healthfully. I want to better nurture Craig now that our last decade together (much of it, anyway) has taught me how. Life is only breaths in length. Time fades the edges of experiences, while hosting space for new memories to be built. There are parts of me long lost to the last 10 years: poetry, namely one of them. Journaling my soul in pen, another. Giving my parents more love because they deserve it, another. And yet, as I enter a new 10 year time span, one which will hopefully find me preparing for a child, at some point down the line, I am equipped with the ability to restore what I feel is lost. Someday, I may have the chance to lean down and whisper to a child, You can. Live. Absorb. Observe. We only get a handful of decades to do this.

In an effort to recap a few things from our week and a half at home (home being the general region of the Midwest where all of our loved ones live), I will bullet point highlights.

Christmas Eve with Craig's family: Hannah, Lauren, Brady and Jake. Love those kids.
Christmas breakfast: Kara and I prepared French toast, scrambled eggs and bacon. The two KB's gave Craig's mom a kitchen break! Next year we will go more gourmet, though.
Christmas weekend: blankets of beautiful white snow in the Chicago area!
Train into Chicago to meet up with Melissa, Sean and Kelly - fun!
Met my new niece Sophia Josephine. She's the littlest baby I've ever seen. But she just sleeps and eats. Lucky girl does get 2 "ph"s in her name, though! That's fun. And they call her "Sophie Jo" which is quite cute.
Built Lego Empire State Buildings with my nephews. James Austin is an amazing big brother to Landon. And James charmed the heck out of me, as always! I decided that first borns like Hannah and James have a special bond with their first born Auntie Kristin because first borns have to be badass to survive the cooing over the siblings that follow. :)
Turkey dinner prepared by Alaina and my bro, with the help of my mom & dad.
Seeing mom, dad, Bri, Alaina and the kids: priceless.
Hanging out with Kara, Ben, Brady & Jake - always good!
Seeing the Purdue crew - keeping Diana up too late one night (sorry, Di!), New Year's Eve party at Liz and John's, New Year's Day at the Ale House with Djay, Chris, Corey and Dustin, with a surprise pop-in by Doug (Djay and Dustin's dad) and Fiona (Dustin's wife).
While not a highlight, it must not go unmentioned that we struggled through the movie Avatar, me, Craig, Corey & Brooke - there were several points during the film where Craig and I were all, Seriously? Seriously?? It was a terrible film. However I think I will go as that Avatar lady next Halloween so that I can make sweeping dramatic generalizations about trees and swamps and what not. Well, and wear a tail.

So now we're home. And I'm looking forward not as to just a single year, but as to 10 years, hoping that within 10 years I can make a difference in my own life and in others'. I want to survive 10 years more of whatever the Universe wishes to throw at me. I've got a blossoming sense of purpose. I want life to make more sense this next 10 years.

We'll see.

Sante, 2010.

Raboteurs

2009-12-06T15:25:00.002-05:00

So we were off for our first full afternoon in Paris, France. November in Europe maintains mild temperatures and some off and on rain, so we were prepared with layers and my umbrella, just in case. We first strolled over to Jardin du Luxembourg, which is the equivalent of New York City's Central Park. En route, very near our hotel, we spotted St. Sulpice (which Rick Steves' Paris 2010 guide informed us was featured in The Da Vinci Code, which I don't recall), though we did not go inside. Jardin du Luxembourg is probably stunning in the peak of flowering seasons, but for us, it was potted colorful flowers, elegant statues, French joggers and our first glimpse of the Eiffel Tower! We spent roughly half an hour in the garden, then continued on foot to explore. We happened upon the Pantheon, snapped photos of architecture, then transitioned to an open plaza outside of the Universite de Paris (La Sorbonne) where we stopped for lunch. Oui! My favorite memory of food formed itself this very first lunch. We were seated outside (in Paris, cafes arrange tables and chairs so that all patrons face outward to people-watch), ordered two Kronenbourgs and reviewed the menu, all of which provided English translations. No matter how simple, I had my heart set on ordering a baguette with camembert. Watching Parisians and sipping our beers in the very cooperative fall weather, knowing how many sights lay ahead for us, felt just perfect. And then my baguette arrived, sliced bread loaded with rich camembert. I've never tasted such brilliant cheese and such fresh bread! (For quite some time, I imagined that the reason it tasted so delightful was because we were in Paris, however I've since read that camembert in France is made from raw milk, forgoing the pasteurization process, which is deemed dangerous to health by the FDA in America. So seems as though I didn't just dream it up! The camembert in France is the best of the best.) Following lunch, we were back on our feet for more walking and seeing. We saw Notre Dame. We crossed the Seine. We traveled along the Louvre's exterior (we intended to begin our 2-day museum pass usage the next day)(above posted will be explained upon my recollection of Musee d'Orsay). Then we decided it best to knock out the Eiffel Tower at dusk, which would put us at the top of the Tower after dark so that we could witness The City of Lights from an aerial perspective. Now, we've seen monuments in the U.S. and in England. We've seen monuments in Canada. I felt rather like seeing the Eiffel Tower would just be another monument experience. Not the case. This massive steel structure rises up over Paris profoundly. There's nothing I can relate seeing this to. We loved it. And we lucked out with the length of the line for tickets. Craig had read the wait tends toward 2 hours in length (on a good day!); we waited just about half an hour for tickets, then another hour for the lifts to travel us to the platforms. Up top? Brilliant. The lights in Paris sprawl like sparkling gems, endless miles of glittering colored pin points against a backdrop of black night. We sought the view of the Arc de Triomphe - stunning (we would later actually walk to experience it at ground level.) For those contemplating a trip to Paris but debating skipping the top of the Eiffel Tower: don't miss it. Worth every second.*Once we descended from the Tower, we swung by a cafe for a beer (sitting outside, side by side, as the French do!) Then we headed back to Hotel Clement to change for dinner. We had elected to try a fancier steak restaurant in our arrondissement. Delicious food. And there was a dog accompanying its owner at dinner, because dogs are permitted in restaurants in Europe. Following dinner, we found a bar where we spent the remainder of the night. We felt so very happy. Paris gifted us with a fantastic first day brimming with breathtaking sights to fill our eyes. The cafe creme! The camembert! The buildings, one after another after another with ornate wrought iron railings protecting private balconies, the timelessness of Paris which has stood the test of hundreds of years of time. Europe maintains itself, preserves its history and its buildings. In America, a building hits its 60th birthday and we yank it down. In Europe, the streets are the same year after year. There's so much pride in that.*The above painting, Raboteurs de Parquet, hangs at Musee d'Orsay (which we visited Day Two). This painting blows my mind. I can't stop looking at it. There are so many brilliant repetitions of similar shapes, there are so many groups of 3's - the shapes of the arms, the shapes of the heads, the backs, the spaces created by the arms. This is a painting with an obviously intentionally designed composition. I love the bottle of wine. The lighting is also incredible. I wonder: did this artist work with live models? Did these men resume this pose hour after hour until the artist did not need them anymore? Note: the color of the jpeg I found on the Internet is off as compared to the painting in person. The postcard I purchased of it which hangs on our fridge is much closer. But nothing will trump standing in front of it, then collapsing in a painting coma into a chair facing it to just marvel in its brilliance. More to come on Paris Day Two. Highlights: I fell in love with sculpture, we viewed more art in one day than either of us ever has in the span of one day, and...the Louvre...nowhere in the world can boast such magnificence. Er, nowhere that I've seen thus far, I mean. :) J'adore Paris!

Cieux

2009-12-02T18:52:00.005-05:00

(Seine!)

D'accord, Paris. I'm going to stroll through these posts slowly, savoring each recent memory so as to not forget. And so the recap begins with Tuesday, November 24, which found us traveling on a high speed Thalys train from Brussels' Midi station to Gare du Nord in Paris, France. We arrived wide-eyed at approximately 11.05, somewhat fearful of a potential language barrier, however altogether thrilled at the more foreign spin this leg would put on our vacation! I repeat: it's unwise to haul, drag, tote, muscle (what have you) large luggage to Europe. Yet we did, and we feared the transition from Thalys to the Metro in Paris. Fears? Unfounded. The biggest issue we noticed was that the ticket machines for the Metro were unfriendly toward American debit cards. We desired a book of 10 train passes, but were only able to purchase a ride apiece with what euro we had on us (ATMs in Europe spit out 50 E bills, so we were either armed with single euro coins, miscellaneous change or big bills). Upon acquiring our single ride tickets, we very briskly and smoothly found our Metro train, and within no time at all we were traveling on the brilliant public transportation system to our St. Germain des Pres neighborhood (the 6th arrondissement) on the Left Bank. It's impossible to describe our emergence from the subway. My arms were sore from grappling with the Too Big Bag up and down stairs. My head was a little groggy from a combination of Belgian beers from the night before and the gradual creep of jet lag. But none of these sensations mattered, for there we were in Paris, with the lovely white noise of French language being spoken around us as we gazed at the French urbanity bustling through its Tuesday. Spoiler alert: the neighborhood where we stayed was my favorite part of Paris. I will puff up my chest to stake this claim: I selected the neighborhood, or the arrondissement, even the hotel itself! Craig thanked me several times over the course of the next few days, which I appreciated. Typically when we travel, it's all on him (which works well, because he likes to research in advance, whereas I just like to go see and do!) But with the move and job transitioning and everything else we've had in store, it worked out that I was able to research our lodgings in Paris at greater length.*Craig is the cardinal direction guru in this relationship. You can blindfold him and spin him in circles and he tends to still find his way. However, for some mysterious reason, our hotel (Hotel Clement on Rue Clement, a quite ditty[small] side street) threw him for a cardinal loop, and we were in constant confusion as to where we were (just within the immediate vicinity of our hotel). But visiting Paris is simple: you walk, walk, and walk a little more, and somehow crack the code! We checked in early, immediately employing "en anglais, s'il vous plait" at the front desk. Our room number was 214, and the stairs to the right of the desk were narrow and spiraled somewhat, but we were instructed that the "lift" could be found up the first set of stairs. This particular lift would hold nothing more than our two Too Big Bags, so we shoved them both into the lift, then I darted up to meet them on the 2nd floor (although in Europe, ground level is considered "0", floor 2 is actually 1, basement or below ground is "-1"...I think I have that right?)...and we somehow made it into 214 which enchanted us instantly. The bed filled a majority of the room, akin to hotel rooms here in New York City, but the room held a certain charm that was the icing on our European cake. The bathroom and closet doors were adjacent to one another; the bathroom offered a small shower stall, small sink and small counter space, and the closet was sized just so to receive our two Too Big Bags on its floor (with a security safe, extra pillows and additional blankets on its shelf). And against one wall, a desk, with a small chair. Our windows overlooked a courtyard which resembled more of an air shaft (reminding me of our first apartment in NYC at 316 E. 92nd!) but the space was well-groomed, with kelly green latticework on the facade of the interior courtyard space and manicured plants at ground level. As taken as we were with the room at Hotel Clement, daylight hours were burning. And so we tucked our belongings into their right spots in the room and headed out for our first afternoon in Paris, France. Odd to note: we were told to leave the key at the front desk upon departing the hotel. That is, each time we left our room to venture out, we were to drop the room key at the desk to pick up upon return to the hotel. Sort of makes sense stepping back from it? But we'd never been asked such a thing. Hey, when in France, right?*I'm going to wrap up this initial Paris post on this note (to return with the thick of my content sooner than later)--my ability to read French from my several high school and college years of study did help on occasion. Granted, I have stage fright and couldn't utter many French words. But I could read it to beat the band. And that made me happy!

Pavers

2009-11-28T07:10:00.003-05:00

(above: rain on the pavers in Brussels, Belgium)

We're home in our 6th floor walk-up apartment after having experienced the most amazing week of our lives. I live superlatively (as many will remind me) but this is a genuine declaration in calling the week most amazing. I've been toiling over how to recap the trip in an organized, clever, amusing and yet emotional fashion, however I, ever the self-proclaimed writer, have come up with nothing. I suppose I could have snatched up a course on travel writing at some point prior to the vacation, but seeing as I did not, I've decided to let my sense of stream of consciousness roll this out, and ideally my memory will have captured what is left unsaid.*Amsterdam is secretly (as I type this out loud??) the most favorite place of mine that I've ever, ever visited. Ever. New York City, you know that I love you and you will always be my top U.S. destination. Maine, you live on in beautiful mystery in my mind. England: a great way to get our feet wet traveling across the Atlantic because, well, no language barrier exists. But Amsterdam? And I haven't even reached the point where I can describe Paris, but we just left that stunning City yesterday, therefore I need time to absorb.*In Amsterdam, as I mentioned, the cyclists own the streets and even at times the miniature 2' wide sidewalks patterned out for pedestrians to walk primarily single-file. Imagine having these senses at once stimulated: Sight: brightly colored window shutters, extreme structural leans of the architecture (at times appearing almost unsafe, but people live and work in these buildings!), the endless spinning of bicycle wheels as well as the timeless appearance of some of the most beat up bikes (the majority of them). Smell: marijuana. Plain and simple. The scent permeates everywhere, but it's faint, practically an ideal fragrance for such a laid back town. "Coffee shops" can be found on every corner, where locals smoke wide ranges of weed at every hour of the day and night. Sounds: again, wheels spinning. A minute or two walk without the sound of oncoming or passing spinning wheels is rare. Even some of the smallest side streets find cyclists heading home, or to work or to play. Then there's the taste of Amsterdam. We were informed prior that Dutch food is notoriously bad. I'm an ever-evolving foodie, but I knew up front that our trip to Europe, with the exception of France, would not be food-centric in nature. The first day in Amsterdam, we navigated our way to a small bi-level eatery called Pancakes! Amsterdam. Yes, with an exclamation point! Pancakes! How else can you say the word?? PANCAKES! We found this establishment via our friend Alison's cousin Kiara, who lives with her husband in Amsterdam. At first, we could not get a seat. I was itching to eat there, so we swung across the street for a beer in the Jordaan (we stayed in this neighborhood, and I would recommend it to anyone traveling to Amsterdam, as it was charming and perfect.) After our first beer in Amsterdam, we returned to Pancakes! and lucked out with seats upstairs. I ordered a savory pancake(!) with spinach, garlic, oil and goat cheese. Craig ordered a strange sweet-laced pancake(!) with caramelized bananas, bacon and red pepper (the latter which he claimed he barely tasted) and we each drank coffee. I fairly generally relied on espressos and cafe cremes and lattes and cafe con leches to keep my jet lag at bay the entire week. Heck, it worked! Following our Pancakes!, which were delightful and which kicked off a whole week of dining wherein I should have ordered for Craig, because he consistently preferred my dishes to his!...we toured the town. For those who are adept at entertaining themselves with sights, Amsterdam is it. The nooks, the canals, the winding streets with their severely leaning architectural structures (almost as if the buildings are bending toward one another in conversation), the friendly residents and their easygoing style - picturesque and charming are understatements. And in fact we were blessed, if not miraculously bestowed upon with the host who housed us for our two night stay. Peter runs a Bed and Breakfast from his home, Boogaard's Bed and Breakfast, with exquisite rooms, plenty of common areas to be shared with other guests (such as the pleasant older Israeli couple David and Beth, and two Australians from England that we met the first morning around a table of fresh rolls, butter, fruit, fresh juice, homemade bread pudding, cheese plate, yoghurt, granola, delightful coffee served in charming mugs, and the aforementioned phenomenal light quiche in a likely homemade flaky crust!) and Peter and his home offer just the most sophisticated, yet warm and inviting elegance you could ask for. He's so friendly, and his partner Tom was also a treat, although we didn't spend as much conversation time with him as with Peter. Peter is probably one of the most well-rounded individuals we've ever had the pleasure of meeting: he's a singer who has performed on Broadway, he received a certificate of Design from Parsons, he's multilingual, runs this stunning B&B, serves just splendid breakfasts, all homemade, cooks food for the entire week for his grandparents each week, is well-read, articulate and generous. He's got two dogs named Curly and Pepe, both of which hung around in the mornings with us. He's completely enchanting with an International flair. We loved our bed, the shower, the comfort and the ease of our stay! He offered to do some of our laundry. He offered to "post" our postcards given that we were leaving Monday morning for Brussels and had a train to catch from Amsterdam Centraal early (which was a swift 10-minute walk from his B&B!) The entire Amsterdam experience, while too short, was perfect, with the exception of two quite minor mishaps, one involving my shared space with a biker wherein we tangled and she rode off annoyed leaving me with a nice eggplant-colored bruise on my arm (we knew that inevitably one of us would dance with a cyclist!) and the other is another story for a totally different time, one which found us in circles after leaving a weird antique store where we met a man from Africa and drank strangely bitter coffee! Finally, we did stumble upon the famous "I amsterdam" sign which is the city's statement, and didn't shoot a photo and never found it again! No matter though. Amsterdam provided us with a perfect intro for our trip.*I don't want to hurt Brussels' feelings, but I doubt I will: we had an unfortunate stay in Belgium. It was bound to happen that we'd happen upon incremental weather so late in the fall, and we returned to the US lucky to have only found one seriously awful day of rain there in poor, sad Brussels (we left cursing its name however in retrospect, I'm certain the city and country had little to do with the downpours!) We rolled into Brussels around noon. A taxi picked us up at the Midi station and dropped us at our nearby Hotel Floris. At first glance, the place was impeccable and modern. We couldn't check into our rooms yet, too early, so we left our luggage in a room near the front desk and traveled on foot to visit the Manneken Pis, a miniature yet famous statue of a little boy relieving himself into a fountain. Across the street we ate at a touristy pub. I ordered a "cheese plate" which arrived as a "cheeseburger" because in French Europe, "plat" is a main dish and I failed to emphasize "fromage" therefore the waiter took my language to mean cheeseburger. I'm not one to send anything back, so I ate it (despite its curiously un-cheeseburger like qualities!) Craig had an unbecoming beef stew with french fries (beginning his long adventure with the pomme frites, which likely remains his favorite experience in Brussels.) What more can I say? It rained, rained, and rained some more. We drank a few beers, returned to Hotel Floris to check in, then headed out to the Grand Place (Plaza?) which later would be trumped - nay, its ass got KICKED - by the Louvre in Paris (details to follow eventually.) The hotel wasn't too terrible, except that Craig woke in the middle of the night to hydrate and for the life of him could not get anything but scalding water to come out of the bathroom faucet. He clothed himself and left the room in search of some sort of bottled water, but in vain. He came back cursing, just cursing the hotel, and the water, and the room and Brussels and in the morning, we ate breakfast (cheeses, salami, ham, tomatoes, bread and coffee) downstairs after showering, then battled our luggage down to the lobby to wait for our alleged reserved taxi to drive us back to Midi. Our train would depart for Paris at 9:46, and our taxi was ordered for 9. Needless to say, as if things could not get any less inviting or attractive there in Brussels, by 9:15 our taxi had not shown itself, so the gentleman at the front desk advised us to walk to Midi (approximately 10 minutes away.) The rain was spitting steadily and we were both averagely panicking, nothing too severe, because our train tickets between countries were reserved seats, like purchasing plane tickets, so if we were to miss our train to Paris, who knows how many euro it would set us back or how long it'd take to get out of Brussels! So we darted down the street, manhandling too many bags (word to the wise, after lesson learned, do not overpack for an International adventure! Pack 3 similar plain colored shirts, few pants, and accessorize to change things up a bit!) and about halfway to Midi, the rain really, really came down on us. I had an umbrella but Craig had ditched his due to high winds which rendered the thing useless the day before, therefore he was quite soaked when we reached Midi. Finding the right car and seats proved somewhat simpler after a confusing spell of trying to find our seats on the Thalys back in Amsterdam (strange system), and with a rough Belgian experience behind us, we were off to Paris! Bonjour, bon soir, oui, merci, en anglais, s'il vous plais, au revoir! Paris and other stories to follow. For now, it's after 8 on a Saturday morning - I've been awake since 6:30 because my body believes I'm still in Paris. Sleep could be interesting this weekend. I've got hundreds and hundreds of photos to paw through. I'm still not 100% set on using Photoshop. I've tackled half of "Bridge," the viewing platform, but must apply some organization to the photos before I can even begin to process RAW files. And our apartment looks like someone threw up stuff everywhere.*Final few shout-outs to Europe: the euro goes a lot farther than one would think. We saved together 1,000 USD which translates at the current exchange rate to 750 E. That 750 E not only paid Peter the 230 E for the B&B, but also got us through Amsterdam and half the day in Brussels. I withdrew from my own saved spending in Paris on the first day - a mere 400 E, which is exactly 600 USD. We returned to the States with way, way more cash than we imagined we would! That was quite happy for us! And traveling in Europe is one of the most educational experiences one can imagine. Different countries do so many things so differently. But if one can shove all traces of xenophobia aside, it's a breeze. It really is! Tourists are everywhere. We're all in this together. And it's brilliant to be able to share our cultures with one another. Proost! Sante!

Euros

2009-11-23T04:23:00.003-05:00

We're en route to Brussels via the Thalys train, which provides me with WiFi (pronounced by the overhead announcement, "Wee Fee"!) for an hour for 6.50 euro. An hour doesn't adequately give me the chance to explain how perfect this trip has been thus far, so I won't even attempt it, but I will recap a few highlights. We left New York Friday night via Iceland Air right on time (8:20 p.m.) which means we had a layover in Iceland (Reykjavik, which I am maybe not spelling correctly). Craig and I both caught a few z's on the first leg of the flight, but not as much as I hoped. The airport in Iceland was strange - Craig declared it to look designed by IKEA! - but we were only there for a ditty bit of time, during which I spent 1,155 kr. on a peculiar sandwich of egg, tomato and lettuce on Asiago bread, a bottle of sparkling water (sparkling by mistake, and it was yuck!) and a muffin for Craig. I had no idea how many USD equaled 1,155 kr., but in my thick fog of jet lag combined with lack of sleep, it barely mattered. Our flight to Amsterdam from Iceland left at 8:00 in the a.m., and was surprisingly quite full for such an awkward flight time, although if you were Icelandic traveling to Amsterdam I suppose that would be like catching an early flight out of a U.S. state. We arrived in Amsterdam by noon Netherlands time. Strangely, we were not stamped there in Amsterdam at customs. In fact, we arrived, retrieved our bags and were off to explore! We took the train into Amsterdam Centraal, about a 15-minute ride, and at Amsterdam Centraal, we emerged to find the most amazing blue skies and mild temperature! We walked to our B&B at 34 Langestraat. Wilma, the house maid, let us in and showed us to our room at the top floor. Splendid! Nice bed! Nice room! Good shower! What more could we have asked for? Oh, how about the brilliant homemade quiches Peter (our host) served us the next morning with fresh juice, delightful coffee, smoked and aged gouda, warm rolls, yogurt, granola and homemade bread pudding?? And Peter himself? We'll get to that later, as he is also too amazing to abruptly describe. After Wilma welcomed us (Peter was not there at the time), we showered and changed and were off by about 2:00, which bettered the time we'd assumed we'd be out by about half an hour. No exhaustion, really, which both relieved and delighted us, as we do not have time for exhaustion this week. I can't begin to express, especially in this initial post, how charming Amsterdam is. The primary mode of transportation is bicycle, and there are maybe more bicycles in the city than humans - we couldn't believe our eyes. And in Amsterdam the foot pedestrian does not have the right a way. No, indeed, it's the cyclists who rule the streets and sidewalks. I did survive a slight altercation with one later on that night. But that too will be further explored when I'm home with more Wee Fee time. For now, I just want to thank Amsterdam for the time of our lives. We couldn't have asked for a more engaging, amusing, creative, energetic and most memorable vacation. And that was merely the beginning.*I did manage to shoot approximately 200 photographs. I shot both RAW+jpeg, and look quite forward to processing the RAW images in Photoshop once we're en route home, or have arrived home (it will depend on how beat up I am on the plane ride home as to whether or not I play with photos at that time.) We left Amsterdam with only one question: how could one not want to travel?

Mornings

2009-11-14T07:28:00.003-05:00

The above posted photo is a JPEG. I shot this months ago, perhaps over the summer? near Washington Square Park. I'm now learning as I read more about Photoshop that shooting in JPEG format compresses photos to a point of losing information. I've been persuaded by the book to shoot Europe in RAW format, although that will eat precious memory card space and is proprietary (as they are Nikon RAW files) which poses other issues in Photoshop, but I'm still very green at this stuff. Given some time, I might better understand the jargon.*I'm sitting here at one and peace with myself quite early in the morning, while Craig still sleeps, because I have been aching for an aubade-esque moment wherein I'm separating myself from bed, sleep and Craig at daybreak to have some alone time. The week has flown past, time flies like that, and Europe is breaths away. I have such huge anticipation for this - my eyes and feet are ready for something new to see and traverse. In so many ways, I've embraced new things, sort of all at once. New neighborhood in which to reside, new neighborhood in which to work (and eat awesome lunches with co-workers!!), new emotional connectivity with myself and with surroundings. Oh, and to only further color my aubade morning, it's raining, and I can see it out of two tall living room windows, lovely rain, switching directions as it falls. I'm just in love with being alive right now. I don't have other words for it. I feel as though one part of evolving one's character is embracing something new, or many new things. There are still mountains to climb. I've got some improvement of character to confront. I am weak when it comes to some things. I am also still quite removed from my creative nature, which I'm trying to hatch anew with photography focus and my blog. My writing has slid down a slope in that I haven't written a poem in coming close to a year. I know I need to. I sort of owe it to myself. But steps, slow steps, slight movements in time and over the course of minutes and days help with all of this.*I wish I could capture this essence. The slow sheet of rain, and the neutral gray sky. A weathered and untamed brick wall that neighbors our building. Craig's slow and steady sleep breathing from the bedroom. Time, precious, and livable.

Steps

2009-11-13T17:17:00.002-05:00

Accomplishment complete! The weekend was a blur. I mainly post to this blog so that I can look back and recall the little things, some big things, too, but my favorite posts are authentic individual experiences that may slip from mind if not recorded. This weekend, however, will forever remain a memorable adventure, whether I post it or not. But, I choose to post, to enhance the memory with minor details. Where to begin...well, for starters, the ex-apartment was in decent shape Friday night, or so we imagined it to be. Saturday morning the alarm sounded far too early, somewhere in the 5 or 5:30 range, which never finds either of us happy! I retrieved bagels and Craig retrieved the U-Haul from 23rd and 11th. We proceeded to carry what quickly came to seem like hundreds of boxes down the 2 flights of stairs to the ground floor hallway. We did this in "rounds," carrying the boxes from the hallway then to the U-Haul out front (parked in a construction No Standing Zone - you can imagine where that's going.) The apartment emptied slowly but surely, and the items remaining - furniture, etc., would be moved by professionals the following day. Our very patient and kind friend Amanda arrived at 92nd Street by 11, toting an iced coffee and graciousness. We had requested her presence to just watch the truck. No manual labor for her, just truck watchdog, insurance. Of course, that didn't last through the morning, as Amanda is forever too sweet and warm-hearted and wouldn't just watch us work. Thank you 6 trillion times, Amanda, and I do know that that is not enough!*The truck was actually fully loaded by the time Amanda arrived, so we all jumped in (after discovering that the traffic cops had, in fact, ticketed us - bah!) and traveled to 82nd to retrieve the new keys. Eberhart Bros. had an envelope ready, thus we commenced the 15-minute drive south on 2nd Avenue to E. 21st, where we discovered not a chance of a place to stash the truck, so with lots of luck to have brilliant November weather, we unloaded the entire truck to the sidewalk, and Craig drove off in search of a place to park the beast. Amanda and I began transitioning boxes into the ground floor hallway of the new building. By the time most of our possessions were at least inside the building, Craig had returned having found a metered spot at which to park the truck. And the next few hours are hours I feel I can't aptly describe. Our new apartment is on the 6th floor. Buildings built before a certain year in New York do not require elevators. Our building is what is known as a walk-up, which means you walk your legs all. the. way. up. to the 6th floor. Let's just say, my first trip up to open the apartment? I thought I was going to die. Right then and there, at the top of a New York City apartment building, I thought I might collapse into a dead pile. And all I had on me was a small bag and something hand held, also small. Oh, boy. I shoved into the new (brilliant! amazing! thankfully...) apartment, and panted for like 3 minutes. Then I headed back down what felt like an eternal spiral of steps, and thus began our long, ever long, forever and ever laborious move from the 1st floor to the 6th floor of a building on E. 21st. There were points at which I thought someone had punched me with a blunt object in the chest. Craig's forehead was perpetually a shiny sheet of sweat. Bless Amanda's heart - I asked her to help unload kitchen boxes because we needed to return to E. 92nd with empty ones for a few loose items left there. The upside? That apartment is a fine, fine space. It feels just about as unique to New York City living as we can get, given our price range. There are so many windows that the light just streams, fills the rooms! Two bedroom windows in one bedroom, one in another, two huge living room windows, an enormous kitchen window, even a window in the bathroom! And our views feel so much richer than any we've had thus far. At some point, we sent Amanda out for waters and other hydrating beverages. I don't remember ever drinking a pink Vitamin water as fast as I did that day! While Amanda was out, Craig and I crept up another flight of stairs only to find an Emergency Exit door partially open. Of course, slaves to our curiosity, we had to step outside! A roof deck! I was somewhat tentative, but Craig traveled across the roof and suddenly stopped dead in his tracks, and called out for me to come join him. There, rising above neighboring buildings of various heights, in clear sight: the Empire State Building! Our own private view! The moment wherein we both stared at it as if in a dream, I felt like every trip up and down those flights of steps was vindicated. Is this really happening? It is, and I'm so lucky to have this in my life. I'm relaxed, relaxing more all the time, into this experience, like it's meant to be, despite my fears of the instability of the future in terms of work. I suppose if something arises and in months we learn this isn't happening, at least I will have these initial memories in my pocket. The new neighborhood where we live is called Gramercy Park. It's quaint, quiet, with a gentle pulse. I love it.*So, Saturday night we took Amanda around the corner from our new place to an Irish pub we've been to a few times called Molly's Shebeen, a self-proclaimed "most authentic Irish pub" in NYC. They have incredible potato salad. Amanda loved it (we headed there about half an hour prior to Craig's arrival, as he had to return the U-Haul). We had a nice dinner, but my head was heavy and legs wobbly. We parted ways around 9, and Craig and I cabbed it back to the UES for one last night's rest there. Sunday morning, the professionals arrived around 8:30. Seriously? They rocked. They were speedy, efficient, strong and successful at getting our large items down to the truck, down to E. 21st and unloaded all the way up. We're in! We're all in! That isn't to suggest we are by any means close to feeling settled. The place is a train wreck, to be honest. Last night we made great progress. I am almost done with the kitchen. Pictures will follow eventually. For now, it's a little unruly to be photographed! Tonight the cable/Internet guy arrives. I'm working from Brooklyn today, er, reporting to the office, and will not likely report to the Manhattan office ever again, from what I can predict? Late next week we leave for Amsterdam! Oh, how will we ever be ready for that?? I still have 1 big purchase to make: a backpack I've researched to tote the Nikon and laptop along with anything else I deem necessary to constantly have on me. We're in the height of activity, right now. December is going to feel so quiet, comparatively speaking! This is life. Living it to the fullest keeps things interesting. I'm happy. I'm myself. I feel in tune with myself almost completely. Thanks to the Universe for these unique experiences.*<--typed the other day, top part of the week. Posting now sans photos, but photos will follow!

Choruses

2009-11-05T17:19:00.003-05:00

Here we go...thus commences the transition from one neighborhood to another in this remarkable beloved City! Well, I say "thus" but I really mean in two days. We have a lot of work to do prior to that, and today I learned that I am to commute effective tomorrow to Brooklyn for work, to which I look very, very forward, for reasons I won't name. And so I decided that while I wait for Craig to arrive home tonight, before launching into box-packing and strolling down memory lane and what not, that I'd like to sing a chorus to my Upper East Side, my charmed tree-lined streets, the bustle, the shops, the eateries, the strollers, the dogs on leashes, and so forth. Upper East Side, you are in my heart forever!

I'll never forget the night we arrived, how Lauren introduced us to Jeff over dinner at Cilantro, how uncanny it was that Jeff lived mere streets away and how Craig and I both fell for him just about immediately upon meeting him (Craig had already fallen for Lauren when the two met way back in time, during one of our NYC visits) and how having these two amazing friends and their amazing friends in our lives has permanently emblazoned love and warmth on our New York City lives.
Craig and I battled one entire month in an apartment with nothing but a 7" DVD player, an air mattress, a Purdue tailgating chair (maybe two) and a few boxes of miscellaneous items, and luckily, a laptop borrowed from aforementioned Jeff, and each other. I'm surprised we never did throw one another from the 9th floor windows! Ha.
316 E. 92nd Street...the tiniest L-shaped apartment, its brick walls, wood floors, barely-there kitchen, fridge shorter than me, second bedroom hardly the size of a walk-in closet, and every single memory we made living there.
Moving ourselves to 306, buildings away, to grab some street view! Great light, but noise! Sirens, cars honking at each other on 92nd Street, shouts from nearby bar backyard garden areas, computer too close to the television for me to get ample work done! (though I loved being able to gaze over at Craig whenever!) and a kitchen so small that we couldn't even be in it at the same time!
The nights. The food. Nina's Argentinian Pizzeria will always rest right in the core of my heart, for so many countless nights of good food, kisses from Gracie, waves on the street from Marcello, the small spinach salad Craig and I would order to share, topped with halved furiously red grape tomatoes, goat cheese, balsamic and olive oil, their pizza ordered many many a night both at 316 and 306, the way Jose always exuberantly asked, "What's happening, guys? Craig, how are you??" with the widest smile on his face...and more, and more.
Yura Cafe, now Corner Cafe, and their unbeatable brunch. I say unbeatable, and I do mean it. The light fixtures in the place are steel colanders. How cute is that? And in lieu of fried potatoes and toast on the side, they serve a dollop of mashed potatoes topped with white melted cheese and a tiny corn muffin. Their omelets are the best.
The Bullpen. No words for it. Except, maybe, thank you, Jara, for being one of the most fun bartenders in the Universe of bartenders! And the way she'd always cry out, "CRAIG!" like from some Friday movie from a hundred years ago. Jara, you rock girl!
The 4/5, the madness of it. The thick crowds of people shoving, while nicely, against one another to get where they want to be. Up the stairs, down the stairs, onto the subway, off the subway. We're not moving off of the Lex line, which is nice. But I will be the judge after some time down by Union Square as to whether it's more of a madhouse there than here! :)
Oh, gosh, how could I not have yet named this: walking to Central Park. Walking to and arriving in, in less than 20 minutes, Central Park, the country's most glorious expanse of urban foliage, sprawling grounds, sunbathers, softball players, strollers (again with the strollers! I love it!) and everything else under a blazing sun one might imagine! Oh, to have easy access to the Literary Mall there. And to emerge from the Park as one might emerge from a Wonder Land, refreshed, at ease and in sync with the City.
2nd Avenue up this far north in the City, in general. When I surface from the subway at night, I hurry as quickly as I can to 2nd Avenue, even waiting at lights if need be, because I have such a massive crush on 2nd Avenue up here. And because of that, my heart breaks a little more each day when I witness more of the subway construction project. Oh, how I hope this Ave survives that chaos. Please! I love you dearly, 2nd Ave!
Familiar faces. Everywhere I frequent, I see them. We smile at one another. We know each other. We don't "know" each other other than in the sense that we're all in this together, but it's nice. It's peaceful. It's neighborly.
I'd go on. And maybe I will return for more Ode to the UES. I could go into extensive lists, stories, reasons for loving where we've lived since summer 2006. For now, Craig has arrived home (sorry this remains part of the bulleted list!) and I promised him Taco Bar night, so I must get cranking. Dearest Neighborhood, I do heart you, and will forever! Love, your resident for some bit of time.

Threes

2009-10-30T13:14:00.003-04:00

tgif tgif! This weekend marks our last full weekend as Upper East Side residents. It's terrifying and amazing all at once, the idea of transition, change of environment, five flights of stairs!, and everything in between. Since June 2006 we have called the UES "home". I cannot count the number of times I've ordered goat cheese ravioli in pink sauce from Nina's, or picked up bagels from Bagel Express (sorry, other New Yorkers, but truly the best bagel in New York City!), or battled through the narrow aisles of Key Food, my bag and basket swinging against my sides as I wedge between other shoppers to reach an item from right where they're standing! Lots of mumbled apologies made for those times...anyway, it's early on a Friday afternoon, and I'm contemplating an early departure today. It's quiet. I've accomplished a lot of work already today. This is the first time I've felt tired in a few weeks, not regular tired, but that overly exhausted hazy sensation, and I blame Craig, who disrupted my morning by commuting with me to the Met Life Building for a quick meeting this morning! :) That, or I'm just past the point of ready for our next two gigantaur adventures - the move to the E. 20's, followed very quickly by Europe. Amsterdam, Brussels, Paris! I can't say those three destinations enough to express my excitement. They comprise this action-packed awe-inspiring triumvirate, to me. I've already begun to imagine our homemade travel photography coffee table book in my mind, and the enlarged prints of European canals, architecture and squares filled with people and birds. The Eiffel Tower. Oh, boy! The beer! The air! The travel companion! Oh boy oh boy! So, above posted is the new apartment layout. We've become so accustomed to having such small space to call home, and this will be no exception. Look at that bathtub - what the...?? It's like half-sized. And the limited closet space = we're in trouble! But, we've eyed a few furniture pieces, as we are losing Craig's childhood furniture to this move. It's not easy to part with such sturdy and nostalgic housewares, but we are also in the mood to outgrow a few things and pick adult pieces together. Obviously, with the expense of both the move and the trip, furniture purchasing is low on the list. But it's in conversations, at least.*I've been singing, to myself, that line from "Uncle John's Band"..."when life looks like easy street, there is danger at your door..." because I fear life feeling this simple and well-mapped. That does not fall in line with my normal existence. Don't get me wrong; I'm completely blessed in countless ways, for my health, for Craig, for a home, for a City such as New York to know so well, for family, friends, and heart. But things aren't this immaculate for me, not to the point of having consecutive amazing days filled with comfortable commuting, a quiet and in control work environment, more hours to myself in the evenings, and so much to which to look forward! I feel like Craig is going to turn to me at any moment and ask, "Who are you?" because I'm so happy, so very happy! Even as I age and my eyes feel strained and my skin is dry and I'm not working out at the big dumb gym, I'm happy! Happy with the status quo...and I hope I'm not jinxing myself in writing it.*Halloween weekend: quiet night in tonight, some wine, some packing, some dinner, some recorded television; tomorrow morning, bagels, packing, making vegetarian chili for Amanda's Zombie Prom party, then dressing in a wig and velvet floor-length dress and ugly face paint to accompany my Zombie Date Craig to the party! Sunday morning, brunch at Cavatappo Grill on 1st Ave followed by cheering on NYC marathon runners from the Bull Pen, Craig's favorite sports bar. Fun!*Last note: the size of that kitchen! I know, right? It's like a real kitchen for once!

Walls

2009-10-25T10:19:00.003-04:00

It feels like I'm using up pockets of courage to get to the point where I want to be. I mean, we're so busy right now, packing, contemplating Europe, preparing for a new adventure or series thereof in life. This morning, I sat myself down and opened up a newly purchased Photoshop book (targeted toward the digital photographer) and began to read, starting at page 1. I've already learned more in 2 short hours than I feel I've learned (as a new trade goes, is what I mean) in years. Great, right? Also scary. The more information I stockpile, the more instances I'm going to want to apply it. Europe is a photographic adventure for me. I haven't budged from that perspective since we launched this trip. We've both paid just about $1,500 to cover airfare, lodging, Paris museum passes and train rides. We are a couple of hundred away from being debt-free, so that when we travel there, all of our money is spending cash. I'm proud of us.*Meanwhile, tomorrow Craig reports to the Brooklyn office, for pseudo-permanence. I feel a combination of emotions - anticipatory of the new project, scared to be alone in another company's corporate environment, relieved to continue to now-minuscule commute to and from work, panicked that my role on the new job won't be endurable. But! Life is just so quick and small. So instead of worrying about any minute thing, I'm going to sail through the days like they are serenity, floating on the surface of serenity. Calm waters. No breeze. Just sunshine. I'm blessed. I'm sitting in this near-packed living room with a fall temperature drifting in from the window off-and-on gazing at the art of our lone brick wall in this apartment, where our tagging photo hangs, matching splendidly with the gradients of the deep, subtle and weathered reds. I'm about to launch into a Sunday with Craig, wherein we eat bagels, drink coffees and celebrate being here. Praise to our Upper East Side neighborhood, where we've experienced the highs and lows of urban life. But bigger praise to our new destination, because it's time for change. It's time to renew.*

Strokes

2009-10-20T20:19:00.002-04:00

This past weekend we traveled to Chicago for Craig's cousin Esther's wedding (which took place in NW Indiana, not Chicago proper.) The highlights for me were seeing everyone, eating more than ample amounts of home cooked food, and being away from real life for a few days. Our flights were tolerable, though leaving LaGuardia and landing at Midway and vice versa could always be a better experience, and even weather held up. Friday night we picked up Chinese food with Craig's parents (I've drifted far from liking Chinese food, but of course would not speak up to cause any rifts in the proposed plans) and Kara arrived kind of late with her family (she carried a sleeping Jake into the house and upstairs, and Ben carried a wide-eyed but barely cognizant Brady). We hung out with Kara and Ben and Craig's parents for a while before going to bed. Saturday morning, I played with Brady and his toys for quite some time, and we ate homemade blueberry muffins and drank coffee and caught up with one another. Saturday afternoon, we each showered and got dressed up for the 2 o'clock ceremony at the church. Following the ceremony (where I got to see Hannah and Lauren - they were so cute and their eyes lit up when we spotted each other!), we returned to Craig's parents to relax and eat cheese logs and apples and crackers and await the reception which was to begin at 6. The drive to the reception was about 45 minutes. Fun to see everyone, and warm and wonderful to be received by Esther and her new husband! Sunday morning we woke for Craig's birthday celebration (Happy 33rd, Craig!) and it was easy-going and calm - pumpkin pancakes made by Kara, and coffee and Shrek because Brady loves Shrek! and football and relaxation. For a late lunch, Craig's dad grilled pork medallions wrapped in bacon and Craig's mom made roasted sweet potatoes and white potatoes (of course, I opted out of the sweet potatoes - yuck!!) and green beans and a chicken and rice casserole, plus her spinach salad with mandarin orange slices, red onions, walnuts and some raspberry vinaigrette dressing. We ate so much food - several servings each, and then indulged in homemade amazing cheesecake for Craig's birthday! There was a great moment where Ben tried to feed a forkful of cheesecake to Brady (who is typically a mild-mannered kid) and Brady yelled, "No no no me no like it's YUCKY!" So funny and adorable, despite the incorrect grammar! I love that kid.* At some point, Erica and Hannah and Lauren had arrived, and that was a lot of fun, too. Hannah is my little friend, and Lauren is becoming my second little friend quickly! I love all of the kids - they're just so sweet and well-mannered.*Monday morning came too quickly. And alas, now it's Tuesday night, and I'm fairly sleepy. I made chicken soup with wild rice and cremini mushrooms tonight, which warmed and filled Craig and me. Craig's now asleep, and I'm about to watch some more reruns from the DVR box. We move in less than a month! And leave for Europe not long after that. Life is good right now. It's serene and noticeably more livable. It's easier. It's relaxed. I love it.*The above posted was played with in Photoshop, a Lomography attempt. I like it alright. I can do better. But I'm still learning. I love Photoshop, the Nikon and Annie! We're becoming the best of friends.

Deaths

2009-10-13T20:21:00.003-04:00

I think I posted this photograph very recently, but here it is again, in honor of the sad death of my Jade plant. Aw! We're going to attempt plants again in the new apartment. Let's see if I can remember to water the botanical friends the way I remember to feed Craig and me. I read another chapter in the PS book, this time about lighting options, and so I essentially vignetted this pic (well, not really, as there is a vignette option, which I did not read about, but this is similar). I'm in serious need of a new photography transfer from the PC to the Mac. I'm being selective, so it's time-consuming. I only want my favorites to be shifted over. This weekend we fly to Chicago for Craig's cousin's wedding, and Annie is taking a plane trip with the intention of us spending time together in the air sans The Internet (so distracting, sometimes I wish I could just totally disable it for a few hours a night.) I will have the Photoshop book at one hand and Annie at the other, and together we will scratch our heads over photography and try to visually prepare for the Europe trip. I want my photographs to be very telling when we return, and I want them to be satisfying enough so that we can pick plenty to display on apartment walls and shelves and such. Europe is so exciting to me, but my biggest draw may just be the photo ops. I love New York a ton, and there are photo ops crawling on top of one another to be shot, but I'm itching for something brand new, something foreign and frightening and exciting and ancient, like the old architecture in Amsterdam, or the pillowy waffles (and brilliant chocolate) in Brussels, or the Eiffel Tower and its ability to elicit a swoon. Those places in Europe are fiction to me. I don't believe they exist, and I can't wait to be proved wrong! I can't wait to step onto a street and gaze across a canal with attractive landscape rising around. I can't wait to fall in love with travel again. I have felt that so many times, in Maine, in Canada, in Vermont, in New Hampshire, in England, in Mexico. I loved Charleston, I loved Nashville. I love small towns, I love urban atmosphere, I love seeing a different range of things. Today was one of those days where my elation over traveling was positively compounded by my elation to move to a neighborhood where we will be so ecstatic to live, to the point where I was just plain happy today. A very normal, regular and understandable happy. Life is good today. If it throws me for a loop tomorrow, I won't be disappointed. There is just so much out there. There are so many wonderful things.

Alterations

2009-10-10T12:38:00.003-04:00

This past week amazed me. I felt so, so, so completely different from how I've felt the past three years. I felt solid, content, calm, complete. Commuting two express subway stops has a great portion to do with that, but so does the environment: formal, quiet, subdued with polished amenities and cold water from the water cooler and windows!! And Manhattan. I haven't left Manhattan Island since last Thursday! We're now joined at the hip, me and Manhattan, in stride with one another. I've eaten out every lunch since adapting to my new environment, but I've aimed to eat as healthy as I can, primarily vegetarian (in fact, I haven't eaten meat all week) and it's been nice to eat out with Craig or with co-workers or all of us together, like a real staff, traveling on foot to some deli or cafe and enjoying an hour out of the office (something else that has refreshed me tremendously!) In fact, Friday, my friend Niki (thanks again, Niki!) suggested swinging by Barnes & Noble over the lunch hour, and as typically happens when someone points out the obvious to me, the obvious being Oh, yeah! I can run errands on my work lunch hour?? I am still bowled over at that revelation! So, I was able to pick up a Photoshop book to catch me up to speed on the years and years I've missed of Photoshop upgrading, alongside digital photography, which did not exist the last time PS and I were colleagues in college. So the above posted photo was a hastily altered pic but it was fun to "lens blur" on the computer versus using my f-stop with the Nikon. I know, I know. Classic photography should shoot out straight from/through the lens. But what's wrong with a little computer play? And note, it took me all morning and into the afternoon to absorb and understand the jargon which enabled me to alter the photograph in PS, which means my consumption of new knowledge needs sharpening. Time does wonders to the brain, both good and bad.*I've avoided posting about this because if I do (which I'm about to), I fear jinxing it. Late last week I phoned Craig at his desk extension, reminding him to phone our apartment management company to extend our lease through January (because we still have little idea of what's to come). He touched back with me about half an hour later and informed me that our management company had a unit available in its SINGLE building down in the Gramercy Park neighborhood. We've eyeballed this building for years, because it's so near the areas where we consistently find ourselves eating and drinking. So happens, the Open House was being held the next day. And so we went. It's on the 6th floor of a walk-up on E. 21st Street between 2nd and 3rd Aves. Need I say more? We went through the process and it is now ours. We move November 8th. NOVEMBER EIGHTH. That is, cough, minutes away. Weeks, days, whatever - we have bound ourselves to quite the adventure! Moving ourselves from E. 92nd to E. 21st won't be an easy task. BUT. The apartment is amazing (for New York). The kitchen has countertop space. It has countertop space. It has enough countertop space that I can chop an onion and brew coffee in a coffee pot and still have room to breathe! Nice. The bedrooms, at least the way the girls who live there now have it set up, feel like more normally-sized bedrooms. Yes, it's the 6th floor of a walk-up. But guess what? We will be within walking distance, WALKING-NOT-CAB-DISTANCE from virtually every single restaurant, bar, store, and so forth, that we love. So much to the point that I feel like this will be a dream that will be crashed by some bad news, like, No, kids, we didn't get the job in Brooklyn, we are moving you to Kansas instead. (Sorry, Kansas, I have no bones about you.) We're taking a risk, signing this lease. We sign sometime early next week. But. BUT. Adventures with Craig make my life worth living. The second tier to this is that immediately following our move is our trip to Europe. I know. We're insane. We make weird decisions. But they always pan out so well. I can only hope this moving one does. The Second Avenue Subway construction is terrorizing our entire neighborhood now. The street slicing has progressed south into the 80's. Miserable. So we're getting out. So happy. So exciting, such a new life alteration. I can't wait.*

Offices

2009-10-01T18:23:00.003-04:00

Yesterday was monumental for me. It marked my last day traveling out to Queens for our project. I jubilantly strolled across the Citi Field parking lot, smiling like an idiot, probably, but it felt so good to be embarking on my last day out there. Don't get me wrong: many, many brilliant memories have formed over the course of the past few years, some related to the job, others completely unrelated. However, there've also been a whole host of haunting experiences to arise from this. I can only push forward and acknowledge that I've learned a lifetime's worth of wisdom from the things I've seen, heard and done. But that won't change just how elated I was to wrap up that office yesterday. Beginning in February 2007, we reported to an office with walls painted sea foam green with turquoise trim, with shoddy conduit running haphazardly and cheap ugly ductwork overhead, stale air, and no windows. Oh, and then there was that smell in one of my boss' offices. That smell. We figured it was either a dead rat or perhaps the MIA superintendent from Louisiana (no one ever seemed to know where he disappeared to!) I know there are a number of people that work in conditions far worse than we did, but not having windows (I'm such a day dreamer and no windows literally killed that characteristic of mine) was brutal. I appreciated having a job, the whole time, because New York City is expensive and our lifestyle isn't thrifty by any means. But today was a new day, a beautiful one, wherein we smacked the snooze button a few extra times and took the subway 2 stops to the corporate office of our partner's where we will work for a few weeks, possibly months? Other co-workers have been there for a while now, but today was my first day, my blessed exciting and easy commute, my divorce from the 7 train, my exposure to options for lunch! (We ate across the street, a group of us.) And the corporate environment is one that I particularly don't mind, I reasoned today. I've had bad corporate exposure before, but today's differed in that it felt amicable. I think that seeing so many familiar faces assisted in that. I had a great day, and hope to have a great tomorrow and the next day and the next. I'm finally just settling into "happy" after the mountains of frustrations I've been scaling for what feels like years now. And! Autumn has arrived! It's unusually chilly but I love it! Sleeves! Sleeves pulled down over the palms of my hands! Scarves! Cords! I could go on. Autumn, particularly in New York City, is probably the most comforting season. It's easy to slide into. This morning, our bedroom was amazing. With the window open, the chilled air cooled the pillows and exterior of the comforter, mmmm! I love nothing more than to throw a leg over chilled blankets or wrap my arms around or press my cheek to cool fabric. Welcome, autumn!*We went to Williamsburg last weekend, in Brooklyn. We are very much discussing a possible move there, if we land the project we're pursuing. It'd be because of a combination of things. Subway construction has train wrecked 2nd Avenue, which breaks my heart. I love 2nd Avenue so much. I always have (since we've lived here). We'd like the possibility at a newer unit, one with nicer amenities and a little more space. Williamsburg is 1 subway stop on the L away from our favorite East Village area, and Alphabet City. Our commute to the Brooklyn job would be easy: we'd travel through Manhattan, take the L to the 4/5 (whichever one crosses the river into Brooklyn) and probably be no more than half an hour away, one way. And Williamsburg is definitely a trendy, hipster place, one where we'd like to grow to blend into. While having a beer at a great bar on Bedford Ave, sitting in the fish bowl seats, Craig concluded it might be easier for me to "fit" into the neighborhood than him (throw on a fashion scarf, a cute hat and maybe a blue streak in my hair!), but I disagree - aside from his preppy polo shirts and khakis, he'd figure out how to manage! Over the years, he's become extremely comfortable around artsy types. Everyone loves him - he can blend in anywhere. So, we'll see. Things change on a dime, especially since we don't even have that job and could always wind up being transitioned out of this City (boo!)*In other news, before I head out to relax this evening, my restaurant review guide is postponed now with no established start time. I received an email from Kaelin (my to-be managing editor) yesterday, and she explained that there's been an obstacle that has affected their small company and it is requiring that all of their resources commit to correct or overcome whatever that is/was, which I understand, but of course, it does devastate me a diddy bit. I have been so excited to get this thing going. Anyway, Kaelin assured me that they are happy with my enthusiasm and that as soon as they overcome the thing, that we'll get going and it's still my role, to be editor. This may be a blessing, the delay, because perhaps I will be stronger and more able with the onset of the next few weeks. Who knows? Everything happens for a reason. Well, mostly.*Esther's wedding in a couple of weeks! It's the weekend of Craig's birthday (33!) That's the point where we will be ONE MONTH AWAY (plus a handful of days) from our trip to Europe! Ohmygosh I could just fall down with anticipation. So much to do before then, though! So many chores! Errands! Things to learn! Oy!

Materials

2009-09-23T17:31:00.002-04:00

Not doctored in PS or Lightroom, this is an anonymous building I snapped back when based solely on that the color of the tagging matched the color of the sky, hence, the raw image. And, I am practically obsessed with fire escapes (and fire doors, but that is only because of Ani DiFranco, which, to this day, I'm not sure why she "opened a fire door to four lips, none of which were mine kissing"...who opens fire doors? Did she mean a hallway door? Do I even know what a fire door is? I think I imagine it as a door to a rooftop, although I think in reality it is a door that is indestructible by fire.) (But my imagined fire door would lead to that I envision her finding her cheating lover with someone else on a rooftop. Enough on that.) (Although, Kristin Hersh also does sing about a "fire pile" so maybe I am secretly obsessed with anything preceded by 'fire'??) Slow life, these days. I have had A TREMENDOUS amount of free time on my hands, enough to almost make my hands shake at the weight of it. And what with it have I done? How have I spent it? Have I written restaurant reviews? (er, yes, but only 2). Have I penned a poem? Have I managed my photography organization? I shudder to think of the hours I've wasted on mindless information when there are so many skills that I'd like to pour out. I'd like to be able to look back on a week and say, There you go, girl, you accomplished that. Or, Hey, KB, look where being motivated landed you. But something is spinning me to boredom, and I'm just flat bored. I'm bored with the news, bored with chores, bored with pretty much just about anything I set my mind to get done. I am actively making attempts mentally to physically challenge myself to move, to do the things I know will make me feel happier once I get them done. Stepping back from paintings I created when I was in high school or college, reflecting on the effort that went into them, noticing others glance admirably at my work, it all felt so good once, like I wanted to tear down the interior walls of myself and let the sun shine on it all. As if I've never hid from anything. As if I've never been confusing for someone, too inconsolable to be understood. But in these past weeks, aside from the pathetic baby restaurant reviews, I can't say I've accomplished or completed a whole lot. Today, I was at jury duty, which means I was alone with myself a lot. We had a talk. We're approaching things differently. We're going to set a goal a day, and until I complete that goal, I won't sleep. I won't finish a day without extending myself the opportunity to be proud of myself, my achievements, my life as it rolls forward. I have a lot to give. And I should be doing so. Let's do it together, girl, you and me, we're soul mates - the ugly side and the beautiful side. We have to coexist, and once we do, we can make mountains move. Or so I'd like to believe. Today's achievement? This post. Because writing it reminded me again how disappointed in myself I've been, and how I can somehow resolve that confused girl and turn her into clarity and voice. Be someone.

Finishes

2009-09-15T18:29:00.004-04:00

Well, it's Tuesday of my solo week and thus far I've accomplished very little. But I'm refusing to be hard on myself and tonight is a brand new night of accomplishment potential. Plus, Craig was very sweet yesterday and texted me multiple times to remind me that I'm not entirely alone! I wound up running into my neighbor friend and she and I had a glass of wine in my apartment, watching Jon and Kate (oh, the horror) and being giddy girls. So that was a nice distraction and occupied some of my time. Today was particularly exaggeratedly long and annoying, and as we move ahead with packing the office, I fear that a Saturday mandatory pack-the-office-day may arise. It looks like we're about a quarter of the way there (not good, considering we are out of there 09/30). And while we do this, pack boxes, copy documents, archive paperwork and so forth, I'm feeling my edgy fear of change coming on. In patterns since I've moved around, I initially do not fare well for, well, let's say the first handful of months of transition. I becoming increasingly scared, panicked, annoyed, unsure and oftentimes those feelings damage parts of me that I'm not sure are temporary or permanent damages (many permanent, I suspect.) I'm not going to not take blame for this, because I am a human same as anyone else and am presumably reasonably capable of taking matters into my own hands. However, inevitably, change lies ahead, and soon. I am insisting to co-workers how fantastic it will be for me (us) to get out of that office, rid ourselves of all of the poison it contains: the haunting tensions, the inconsistencies and so forth - but somewhere inside I'm actually a little nervous. It's been since February 2007 that we've been commuting to the same office, with the (mostly) same staff of people with our softnesses toward one another, our agreed upon hostilities, our comfortable levels of a blend of compromise and refusals to change our ways. It's grown to work, somehow. And this marks the longest that I've worked on any job, in near ten years with the same company. Strange to actually reflect on that fact. So, here we go, about to embark on what I'd call a smaller change, since we're merely transitioning our project into Manhattan from Queens. And yes, my commute will be nothing short of brilliant! Two subway stops, and I'm at the Met Life Building. This will be similar to traveling to work in 2006 prior to moving out to the job site. But back then, I was undergoing that initial transition fear, and compound that with the fact that it was not just any change, but New York City change! We're talking about a community that takes itself tremendously seriously, and if you're going to penetrate that from the outside, be prepared for them to fully accept you, but fully accept you with the mutual understood agreement that you, coming into their community, will adapt, and adapt quickly! Not conform, just adapt. I would have to read back on old posts to weigh in on whether or not I adapted quickly. Nevertheless, I eventually did, and I feel adapted enough now that maybe working in a corporate environment - a New York corporate environment, at that - will just seem regular to me and this smaller change won't disrupt any blood flow to my brain. Or, derail it, what have you.*So, now that that's out of the way, Patrick Swayze has passed from his battle with cancer. On my way to work this morning I read the NY Times article about him and felt taken aback at how much that man accomplished in his lifetime. I knew of things he'd done, aside from being my "boyfriend," my ideal pin-up male, in Dirty Dancing (which kind of creeps me out today thinking of how much older he is than me and that at the time Dirty Dancing was a craze, I should not have had pin-up boyfriend fantasies! I blame Prince) but I suppose seeing it in list form, highlighting the diversity of his career, the depth from which he performed, impressed me. So then my co-worker sent me an article today about Neil Patrick Harris. Man! What a life that guy has led, and he's only 36. And likable as all get out. It's of course incorrect in my mind to hypothesize that he is a "break out," rather the "first" break out gay actor, or whatever since my paraphrasing and/or memory may or may not be spot on, because that could be debated on many counts. But there is certainly no denying that his masculinity and presence on screen (and I guess, on stage; I've yet to witness that myself) and demeanor are attractive to both men and women. And that's a versatility that I think is rare (well, except that I think Adam Lambert is hot)(okay, and Portia di Rossi)(okay, so not so rare). With him, it seems natural, like a real life personality trait. But aside from all of the sexuality mentions, the things he's done! The people he's touched! Rising above and beyond what Doogie, M.D. did for people of my generation (well, who watched, anyway.) Craig and I saw Proof a long, long time ago, here in New York City (as tourists) with Anne Heche, and Neil Patrick Harris was supposed to be her opposite but was out with a traveling tour or something. Drats!*Moving on, I had contemplated a night out with myself for sushi and wine. But Europe and other expenses nagged at me that that would not be a wise move. So I postpone my sushi date with myself to Thursday, tentatively (because by Thursday we'd be out to dinner, anyway, traditionally, and I can even convince myself further by reminding myself that it will be 1, not 2 orders of scrumptious tender sushi, therefore like getting half off??) and tonight I make a most terrific, easy and more healthful version of Macaroni and Cheese that I discovered on Cooking Light's website last week. It's simple but perfectly satisfies that craving for the comfort food many of us know and love. Craig is out to dinner with our ancient friend Timmy tonight, and this will mark night #2 of me steering clear of the phone so that I don't bug/call/text/whine/boo hoo him. It worked well last night, and while the distraction of a neighbor friend did help, I was happy to wake up this morning knowing that I let Craig have his time to be Craig. I'm terrible at that. I'm working on bettering it. He's not from Indianapolis, but he did live there for a while and his friends are all there and his sister Kara and her family, so in ways, it's "home" for him. He often reflects that he wonders if things would be better if we just moved there. I debate the topic with myself, as well, despite my furious feverish passion for New York City.*It is quiet here, in my apartment (I am refraining from music while I type, just to keep focus on one thing at a time) but it's reflective time, it's KB time, it's nice time. If I were trying to post while CB were here, fragments of television conversation might leak into my post. Quiet time: nice time.

Spectacles

2009-09-13T16:07:00.003-04:00

Finally, I finally launched myself back into a MacBook photo transfer afternoon, meaning, I sorted through approximately 50 old folders on the PC, selected photos I have been semi-happy with, and transferred them to Annie. The above posted photograph is one I possibly have already posted, but I was happily reminded of that day when I found it. Craig and I toured to the top of the Met. This was a "balloon dog" sculpture, yellow and shiny and neat. Anyway, now that I have nearly 70 photographs in Annie, I've got even more ambition to mess with both Photoshop and Light Room! So glad I've got good access to these. It will take me some time, but I think I can eventually meet my day of reckoning with photography. Funny, I keep throwing around that phrase "day of reckoning," but in actuality, I do not know what it means! Anyway, Craig and I have had an extremely lazy weekend, and while we are supposed to go to the U.S. Open tonight with one of his subcontractors (yesterday's tennis was rained out, otherwise we would have gone last night) I somehow hope this event gets canceled. I just interrupted my thoughts to converse with Craig about this and somehow, I don't see this thing being canceled. That means, hurray!(sarcasm)...I get to ride out to Flushing tonight on the 7 train for tennis (and since both Oudin and Serena got the boot, it will suck) and tomorrow again in the morning to work on a job that has long since been forgotten. But, you know, I'm blessed in a lot of ways. Like how the roof remains over my head. And Craig is my very best friend. And Annie is being delicately filled with pieces of me. And life rolls on, like a wheel, and I'm seeing and doing new things. Europe is a stone's throw away. Hmm, a big stone, but a stone nonetheless!*This morning I watched The Devil Wears Prada while Craig worked on his computer. It was a lot of fun. I've seen it before, but it's been a while, and I very much enjoyed Anne Hathaway, which is cool, because I more recently enjoyed her in Rachel Getting Married, and am now somewhat filing her into my "favorite actress" folder. She's pretty neat. Not neat like Maggie Gyllenhaal or Natalie Portman or Zooey Deschanel neat, but neat nonetheless.*I am off to clean a few things and maybe nap a little (if I can muster that) and then I suppose travel the neverending distance out to Flushing Meadows. That trip is beginning to feel like the rest of my life. I cannot wait until it becomes a thing of the past.

Teens

2009-09-09T20:33:00.003-04:00

We're watching the U.S. Open together. It's a strange sensation for me, because I've never felt as enthralled (to clarify: in tennis) as I do now. There is this itty bitty Georgian girl (from Marietta! Where I used to work when we lived in Atlanta!) who is only 17 who is rocking the courts, and I really want her to win! But she's playing against a 9th ranked chick who pretty much is a badass. I've got my fingers crossed, though. We are going Saturday night for the women's finals and I'd like to be into it, versus not caring who is out there. Who knew teenagers could be so talented and skilled and successful? Teen me? I was at coffee shops with notebooks and pens pretending to be a Beatnik. Oh, well.*Things are going well, relatively speaking. I mean, our office is absent of most life form, which is uniquely a satisfying and disappointing experience all at once. Craig is traveling to Indianapolis for the whole week next week. I will have free range of the apartment; let's hope I don't develop my own personal version of The Shining's cabin fever...meaning, I really should get out and about. I may go shopping for my "hipster douchebag" Euro wardrobe at The Buffalo Exchange in Manhattan. And I will write restaurant reviews, and eat healthy, and live well, in general. But of course, I will miss Craig. He's fun to have around.*Oh, boy, our little Oudin from Georgia might lose...I gather she will. But she's just a teen! She's got tons of time.*Sorry for a short post. Above photo doctored in Photoshop...(thanks to a special someone for helping a sister with photog stuff.)

Confessionals

2009-09-02T18:47:00.004-04:00

I likely posted this photograph once before in the early stages of owning my Nikon. I've since adjusted it in Aperture but I still have yet to transfer more photographs from Craig & Kristin's PC to Annie MBP13 because of little time and energy to do so. I suspect I'm going to go for it and purchase Aperture in 11 days when my free trial ends; that will pile on additional motivation (that I paid for it, and a steep price, at that!) to figure out what's going on photographically. This is a huge goal prior to traveling to Europe this fall: to better understand the Nikon so that I don't spend precious time fumbling with settings (I will be doing very little bracketing because the trip is too short) and to figure out a decent photo organization plan. I've been declaring I'd do this for months and have found every excuse on this green earth to avoid the task. I suppose having acquired a laptop and iPhone and dSLR and a Facebook page and on and on and on has been like waking up after having been asleep for 100 years, because that's just how quickly technology has advanced under my very nose. I suppose I could have kept up better, but it was never my thing. Not that it is now my thing, but I feel as though photography and journaling my meagre existence are more convenient now.*Anyway, the office is being shut down at the end of September. Happy September, by the way! This marks our 4th September and our (hopefully complete) 4th Autumn in New York. I'm so sorry to all of the other cities where I've lived but that can't have held a candle to this one, and I love you all for your quirks and corners, but New York just trumps every, single, last, place, I've, lived. As if I haven't said so enough! Tonight on the 7 (sardined with the damn US Open enthusiasts, agh! I can't stand these 2 weeks each year!) I glanced up and caught a glimpse of Manhattan and I was humbly reminded that I can't for one second take it for granted if we land this job in Brooklyn that I live here. So many millions (like, 11) live here, and who knows what percentage of those millions actually care that they live here? Many, I'm sure, but overall? Is it enough? There's this peace that resides within the chaos. It pulses steadily while the chaos spins. And the layers, and the texture, and the skin, and the skies and the trees and buildings and beliefs and foods...not much can compete with this town, I am convinced*Oh, speaking of foods! I just (by virtue of being quite slow in the day currently) discovered, over the course of a few days, that the restaurant critic for the Times has resigned after 5 years of writing restaurant reviews. His name is Frank Bruni and he's got such, such an interesting background thing going. He is stepping down from the position at 44 because he finished and has near-published his memoir about his relationship with food his entire life. Evidently, he believes he was bulimic as a baby (what the...??) and the bulimia grew into a full fledged way of life for him in order to maintain what he felt was a "healthy" physique. So he studied journalism and covered a presidential campaign and wound up, strangely, as the Times restaurant critic (a hugely prestigious position that does not just get handed to anyone!) I read a few of his articles on the Times website, and definitely he's a talented guy. I particularly appreciate the fact that a recovered bulimic would engage in a career so closely associated with his poison (food) and be so completely successful at it. Nevertheless, he felt that in order for his relationship with food (how I love that in theory!) to be best represented in his memoir, he could not continue, in good faith, to act as the Times' critic. So I'm fully engaged in this thing now: I want to read all of the history of Bruni's articles, and I want to stay current with the new critic, who will not begin until October. I love new exciting little gemstones to cling to!*Meanwhile, tonight rocks: Craig is on dinner duty. A little anecdote: I asked him to purchase 3 things in prep for making our dinner (the menu of his choosing, mind you) - chicken broth, orzo and a side vegetable. Should I even go on? Yes, he forgot something. Yes, it will hamper dinner. Is he trying to find a clever substitution over there (I can see him from my post on the couch!)? Yes, he is. Who knows what it will be...he's toying with a few things verbally that have me nervous! Being honest here. But it is nevertheless so kind for him to cook for me. I needed this night off from the kitchen, to hang with Annie, to have a chill night of my own for once. Sheesh, my days are so chill right now...I wish I could swap out some of my day hours for my night hours - get crazy at work for a few hours, and have nothing scheduled for the evening hours. I will say and say so emphatically that I have absolutely no idea how people my age juggle their own lives: careers, extracurricular activities, spouses, travel, etc. - and sprinkle children on top of that! Hello?*Confession: the Jade Plant shown above has officially kicked the bucket. I feel terrible about it. And I haven't pitched it yet, either. I'm such a bad mom! See? No children for me just yet! I can't even keep a JADE (the plant with a countless number of lives) alive! Eek.

Summers

2009-08-20T19:23:00.004-04:00

I actually prefer the original photograph to the one I just posted. I manipulated this one in Aperture, changing saturation levels and quantities of colors and what not. I more or less just wanted to play a little. Anyway, despite the fact that we were in Myrtle Beach in the spring (quite some time back, not this past spring) this photo reminds me of the heat of summer. It's really hot right now. I could barely breathe exiting the train at 86th Street tonight, and the most excruciating thing about it is that above ground felt no better than under! I rushed home to throw open the apartment door and gulp in the cooler air inside from our window unit. Central Air? What's that again? Things are really pretty methodical right now, at least for me. Wake up, shower, grab an iced coffee, commute to the office, contemplate my day, experience my day, come home from work to eat with Craig, whether in or out, go to bed. Do it again. And again. And again. But, distractions such as planning for Europe help with that. As for my restaurant review guide, I'm still waiting for the webform to be set up (I really, really hope to hear something soon?!!) Now is such the perfect blissful stress-free time for me to concentrate on that, whereas within a month or two that could all change. Anyway. Last night Craig and I went on a date. We grabbed a cab to Houston Street to the Landmark Sunshine Theater to see It Might Get Loud, which is a rockumentary featuring Jimmy Page (Zeppelin), The Edge (U2) and Jack White (The White Stripes). We bought popcorn and I seasoned it with White Cheddar seasoning (they have Jalapeno, Ranch, Sour Cream and Onion and White Cheddar! Nice!) (and some weird marsh mellow sweet one, yuck!) and we settled into the very nice theater and my god, was this film amazing. It focuses on these 3 guitar virtuosos from 3 different generations, each who has basically defeated what it means to play guitar and gone further than so many others have dared to go. Of course we went because Craig has a major man crush on Jack White (for glaringly obvious reasons - Jack White is a certifiable badass) but we both do enjoy and admire Led Zeppelin and as for U2 - eh, not big fans, but after seeing the film, I totally get why The Edge was selected (and I also conclude and stand by that I think "Where the Streets Have No Name" might be one of the most amazing songs ever recorded). I really can't even begin to describe the texture this film contains. Craig and I both have played guitar in our respective lifetimes - I actually took lessons and contemplated furthering my abilities pretty seriously for a while - so maybe that played a hand in how much we appreciated it? I don't know, though...I think just obsessing over music as much as we do was enough to feel so compelled to and absorbed in this movie. These 3 musical giants each had the chance to teach the other 2 one of their songs and rock the songs out together on the film. Jack selected "Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground" which was really quite perfect, and when they all started playing it together, I could almost reach out and feel his giddiness that one of his songs was being played by himself along with two major guitar brains! And Jack White actually composed a song on film, right there on the spot! Can't wait to get my hands on that. Oh! And Jack White is evidently most inspired by an old blues musician named Son House who has a song called "Grinning in Your Face" which is Jack's favorite song. Son House sings acappella and claps his hands (for the recorded version of the song played in the film on vinyl) - it's actually an amazing song, especially as accompanied by Jack's verbal reaction to it. Anyway, I don't want to say much more because in all honesty, I felt such a quiet, still and overwhelming respect for this film and its rich content. Following the movie, we walked to Joe Doe, which Craig has been wanting for weeks now. Joe Doe is owned and operated by this cute little couple, Jill and Joe. Jill was our server and Joe is the chef. They serve "aggressive American" which I think is such a fantastic description of their food. They order farm fresh ingredients from local farms weekly, ranging from chicken to duck to greens (I ate the greens and they were a perfect blend of crunch, bitter and vinegar) to chick peas (which they serve lightly battered as a complimentary starter). We shared pickled onion rings with garlic mayo dipping sauce, and he ordered the free range chicken while I ordered the flank steak. Craig had been hoping for the pork belly, and inquired as to why it was not listed on the menu. Jill informed us that all we have to do is email her our requests and Joe will place the order! As in, email her what we would like and come in later in the week and we can order it! What the...! And she was ever the attentive server (the place is eensy, seats like 20, but still!) For dessert, we shared this banana bread with vanilla ice cream, caramelized bananas and caramel sauce and just about fell down from the brilliance of the flavors. Such a great date for us! We grabbed a cab back to the neighborhood, then, and ducked into Biddy's for "like two beers". Unfortunately (or, fortunately? I mean, I had fun!) we ran into a Biddy's friend named Zelda, with whom last time we met her I got along famously! So, Craig wound up cashing it in early and I stayed out with Zelda and her friends. Until an embarrassingly late hour. Embarrassingly late. Like, I won't confess it here, even. What do I think I am, 22 not 32?? I made it into work regardless, and lasted just about the entire day without conking out. Tonight, we ate Nina's pizza and spinach salad and are going to watch Seven Pounds (Will Smith, I have no idea what it's even about??) Summer this summer is lazy. Droll. And sleepy. But I do own it, regardless. It's my summer! I am so looking forward to more Europe chat/plans. Tomorrow is Friday. We're laying low to save money and avoid the beginnings of the hurricane season creeping toward us and to plan stuff for Europe! Really nice, being on cruise control right now. Cheers to the last week of summer, beginning next week.

Cables

2009-08-15T07:46:00.003-04:00

Ancient photograph posted here because I'm transitioning, as we speak. This morning's post marks the first, ever, to be typed on the stylish little MacBook Pro whom I've named Annie and who is finally, finally, after months of deliberation and then two nights of head scratching, an hour long phone conversation first with "Lance" of Apple then with "Will" of Apple regarding my Airport Extreme and all of its cables, networks, addresses (IP? DHCP? What the...)...wireless! Annie's wireless! And yesterday, I took her to the office to download an iWork trial and an Aperture trial, both with which I'm going to play this morning while Craig sleeps on and on! It's ideal - I won't lie - sitting here on my comfortable gray couch with my lightweight little friend in my lap, Internet-ready, word processing ready, and photo-play ready on a casual Saturday morn. So this is what all those laptop lovers over years have been experiencing and loving! This is my first laptop ownership, so I'm fairly geeked over it and impressed by its convenience. Craig's work laptop is where Elements began back when, in the Atlanta days, but we weren't "wireless" so I remained at the mercy of an Ethernet cable. This stuff is downright impressive! I'm old, so old that the last time I owned a Mac, or, as I'd prefer to call it, an Apple computer, word processing was about all of the capacity I had. I could log onto very slow AOL email, but I wasn't using it much back then. Digital photography didn't exist then, not, at least, in my world (the first camera Craig and I owned together was a 35mm) and in fact it wasn't until like April 2001 that I finally broke down and accepted a "cellular phone" from my dad - a tiny little AT&T thing, for "road emergencies only." Now, it's 2009 and I'm on a laptop with wireless Internet and I cannot live without my silly iPhone and Facebook and Gmail. There are so many times this is so loathsome to me, yet I love it in the very same breath. Communication lines have both weakened and strengthened. Finding old friends (via Facebook) has never been easier. It's just about a given that all people will eventually cave and at least join (regardless of what excuses they may make about why!) This world is so different. I imagine this is what our parents experienced when cars got speedier and fancier and when Walkmans with headphones trumped old vinyl players. Or when television advanced from b&w to color (quite possibly before my parents' time?? I am not good with stuff like that!) I can even be quite sure, sitting here, that this luxurious little laptop is already depreciating by the minute and something will soon, if not has already, take its place! So, so strange, to think. And I've been communicating with an old friend who likes music a lot, and it got me to thinking about how much I miss, truthfully, saving my allowance or minimum wage pay from Dairy Queen or the Greenwood Gazette or babysitting, jumping in my '85 Escort (4-speed!) to zoom to that Greenwood record store called Karma, rifling through the cassettes or, yes, compact discs, even, to find new music. Attracted to cover art, band names, song titles...what have you...why do that now, when Pandora Radio will inform me what I may like based on what I already like? Whoa, lazy! I guess things are acceptable now as is, but there are select memories that I have that I doubt the newer generations will get to have. And as much aging has taken and will continue to take its toll on me technologically speaking (for instance how confused I was setting up WiFi, or how I will likely remain to be amazed at this thing that I'm doing right now, sitting on my couch with so much free range ability in my lap) I don't mind that I can look back and have lived during a time when technology was in its fetal stages, when cassette tape would wear out from repeated play, or when MTV still showed music videos!*Today is magnificent. We are heading out around 2 for our second "food crawl." Craig has found this Vietnamese sandwich shop where he wants to kick it off. I'm elated because I happen to like Vietnamese cuisine (thanks to Bonnie & Jack back in St. Louis!) and Craig has always been a little wary of it. Of course, that was until his new favorite man crush Anthony Bourdain mentioned it! Now Craig is all for it! We have invited our friends Steve and Andrea to come along, as well. We're going to hit as many places as we can in about 4 hours, then accompany them to their apartment in Midtown to walk and feed their new puppy. Then we will head out again for a few more hours of eating. Food! I'm so excited. We will aim to hit all sorts of varieties of places, of varying ethnicities, ambiences and locale. I love these days. I love feeling less stress about work and a good dose of simplicity. Next up: must decide on this French language thing and whether or not I'm going to attempt to tackle it prior to traveling this November. Decisions! Thanks to my Apple friends for bestowing the ability to post like this this morning. :)

Commitments

2009-08-10T19:51:00.003-04:00

Posting might be spotty this summer. There are a handful of reasons for that. Primarily, I'm focusing my energy on some other things, like hoping and praying that we stay here (if this new job goes through) because I've fallen madly in love with living here and doubt that I would survive the misery of any other city (I don't mean that negatively toward anyone else, but having been exposed to this, I think many people who have lived here and other places also would know what I mean!) and much of this City makes up who I am, now. I've left lots of places I've loved before, but leaving here would be the equivalent of leaving everywhere I've loved, all wrapped into one big intuitive place. Then there's planning for Europe, which Craig and I are embracing fully, with giant arms, COME ON, EUROPE, feed us adventure! Then there is also the wonderful, wonderful and exciting experience I embarked on beginning early last week: I'm a contracted book editor! Can I say it one more time? I'm a contracted book editor! I'm...again, as many times this year, rendered speechless! A book editor? I'm carrying around a title right now called "editor"??? Last Monday, I received an email from the organization for which I contributed bar reviews late last year/early this year (the book was published in the spring of this year). I pretty much believed I secured the position byway of enthusiasm when we met at the book launch guide, but wasn't fully sure until my now Managing Editor Kaelin emailed me the confirmation of such, followed by my receipt of a Start Up Packet and a Contract confirming my payment and guidelines. My first assignment is to provide the company with a list of 275 restaurants, places in all 5 boroughs, varying neighborhoods, a list of potential themed "sidebar" ideas and the proposed organization of the book. Once approved, I get paid my first fee and will launch into recruiting contributors! Ahh! Really? This is really, truthfully the best way I can pay homage to this City who has taught me not only diverse types of cuisine, but also that I love food vocabulary, relaxing over amazing plates of delicious food, becoming absorbed in the textures of such different environments, and, well, really just everything having to do with New York City. This is just perfect. Craig is even going to be one of my contributors! Nice! So maybe once the book is published we will throw ourselves our own book launch party back in the Midwest, and our friends and family will attend, and will raise their glasses to our New York accomplishments. Too good to be true! I think. Cheers! I love you, New York!

Triumphs

2009-08-01T08:30:00.002-04:00

Saturday morning, way, way too early for me to be awake (up since 6-something) but the thing is, there is more adrenaline in me right now than there is anything else. I'm taking on multiple personal tasks, trying to sort through very old photographs being one (it's pretty amazing, if I must say so myself, how far I've come with the Nikon and understanding it all on my own), contemplating opening up the new MacBook to load those old sorted photos, having hand-picked only the ones I felt happy that I shot, having only gotten through June of last year, though, meaning I have a long road ahead!, thinking I might review a restaurant or two, thinking about Craig, thinking about our newly scheduled trip to Europe!!!! Oh, and how we must both learn French. Back up. Early this week, we felt really quite envious of our friends Jeff, Lauren, Al and Michelle. Jeff and Lauren left in early July for their honeymoon: Greece and Italy. We spent last weekend with Al and Michelle in New Jersey, in their home near Spring Lake and on their boat on some water (which finds my skin flaking off in gross quantities), during which time they described their upcoming trip to Rome, Madrid and wherever Al's family is in Spain. Craig and I don't deal well with travel envy, so, what do we do? We scheme our own trip! Beginning Monday and trickling through mid-week, we decided we'd like to spend Thanksgiving of this year traversing unfamiliar territory. We debated back and forth about countries, cities, and what not, but wound up finding extremely affordable flight options into Amsterdam and out of Paris, with a stop in Brussels via train in between! Elated? Ecstatic? Out of my mind? I don't know how to describe how I feel about this. It's funny...I know people travel Internationally all the time. But somehow, in some weird sense of a way, I feel like it's this giant blessing granted on Craig and me when we make the decision to do this/pay for this/execute this. I feel like the Universe is apologizing for how many times it has slashed us, ruined things for us, by granting us with this new travel experience. Are we terrified? Of course! In Amsterdam, English is spoken but the streets are all Dutch names which include more than half of the alphabet in their spellings, and prostitution and drugs are legal (zoiks!) and canals divide the entire city, bunches of canals, dividing sections from one another...do we swim them??? Then there's Brussels in Belgium, where, who knows if any English is spoken...then there's Paris, France where NO English is spoken and all of the Parisians are going to SPIT in our WINE because we are dumb Americaines! Bah! How exciting is all of this?? To know that we might get lost in cities (we never get lost in cities) and to know that we might be faced with options that are completely out of our world??? So much more adventurous than England, so much more mysterious! I can't wait. I'm so completely filled with this trip. I'm nervous, happy, excited and a lot more. I just can't imagine! Craig, me. Wandering strange streets, snapping photos of exotic old architecture. Faced with decisions. I'm so thrilled. The Eiffel Tower won't just be something I see in movies. The Louvre!!! The Louvre! Pyramide du Louvre: I.M. Pei designed that! He designed my art building at IU! Canals flanked by colorful old architecture...really? I get to see that?? I'm just so blown away. I'm...I've got no words. This is a trip of a lifetime. This is real life, seeing something that really exists that we don't get to see every day. I just can't wait. How perfect. Sorry to gush, it's likely annoying. But this is big. And I can't wait.

Tilts

2009-07-21T16:12:00.002-04:00

It's been some while again since I posted. This hasn't been for any particular reason other than life's a little low and lazy these days. We're experiencing the lull at the office, which is fine, really, but can sometimes also feel quite mundane. I've been trying to force myself to get to know Annie*, my new MacBook Pro 13" friend, but I'm so content with her as a blank slate that I'm afraid to fill her with nonsense. Plans are that tonight I sit with her for quite a while, anyway. Craig is making dinner - yes, you read that correctly - Craig is making me dinner! so I will have spare time to maybe go to the gym (if I feel so inclined once I'm home) and then time to sit and be still for a while. Perhaps he will even clean the kitchen?? The photograph above was doctored in PhotoShop with the "tilt/shift" effect, which I have not yet mastered and am kind of striking out with, to be honest. But, that's more to do with not having shot the appropriate photographs to really get the right effect. I have a great, deep, strong, almost possessed desire to understand digital photography organization better, or, in other words, to figure out what I want my way of digital photography organization better to be (the Nikon photos in the PC are a mess, just a disaster), whether it's one giant "art shot" photo folder and files are individually named 0001_Subject_dated, or Dated_Subject, or what. Since I haven't put forth the effort to make the decision, well, then, I'm stuck. I've contemplated Picassa through Google, but the username I have for Google already has hundreds (thousands??) of photographs that I've sent via email, received via email, and so forth, and while I would like continued access to those, that doesn't necessarily mean I want all of my photos from here forward mixed with silly snapshot photos or meaningless endeavors or whatnot. So, I don't know. I'm at a loss. Then there's the whole Do I Want Microsoft Office or iWork...pretty much leaning toward Office, but still unsure.*I'm still reviewing restaurants, though I've been a slacker for a couple of weeks now. I'm going to start contributing to a new blogger's space - I found her through my friend Peter - who is interested in entertaining her clients about affordable dining in the City. My focus will be on affordable eating at home - strategies on how to shop, extend ingredients across several recipes, conserve space in a small urban kitchen, the art (and frugality) of eating leftovers, etc. I intend to keep all of my food photography, food writing, and all other writing that I do in somewhat of a manageable organization, but of course, I've yet to determine that, either! Such a rough life, trying to navigate so many files. :) Well, it nears the end of my day and I've got some decisions to make in terms of aerobics this evening. I'm back on Weight Watchers in a headfirst full throttle way, which means my portions are limited - last night, I made chicken burgers with celery, scallions, bbq sauce blended with Tobasco, and one burger is 6 points. For lunch, I wanted to also have cottage cheese, which is 2 points. I prefer to keep my lunches below 6, therefore I could only have half of a chicken burger as leftovers today. At 4:31 this afternoon, I'm starving. Clearly my body has taken a beating again, beginning approximately the first of the year continuing on through now, eating and drinking whatever comes my way. My new goals: eat only my daily points (19), with at least 3 or 4 of those points devoted to dairy. Vegetables really don't cost points; some fruit does, depending. Pastas and meats load up the points. Tonight, Craig is baking pork loin chops and I will attempt to consume 3 ounces which is 3 points. 3 ounces of meat is like 3 bites. He is making my creamy parmesan orzo on the side, and a vegetable (I always eat ample portions of vegetables, especially asparagus or green beans.) I have a goal for the weekend, primarily because Friday night we're on the train to travel to the Jersey Shore to visit with Al and Michelle, of Cabo fame. They are making us paella (weak in the knees, swoon!) Friday night, then Saturday we're taking their boat out onto the ocean! Fun! Saturday night, Michelle wants me to suggest a recipe of mine so that we can "group" cook - fun, again! But believe me, point counting will be furthest from my mind when we're with them. So if I meet my goal of weight loss by Friday, I can relax in Jersey and not feel like I have to wrap my midsection in caution tape or anything. We are excited for the trip. Al and Michelle are so amazing.*One last thing: Craig and I watched the entire first season of Breaking Bad last weekend. We also went on a food crawl for one whole afternoon. Both were incredible. More to come.

Ladders

2009-07-08T19:24:00.003-04:00

Home alone, again! No, as much as I miss Craig, it is kind of nice, too, briefly, to have some quiet KB time. Last night I accomplished quite a bit before falling asleep on the couch until 4 a.m., at which point my eyes tried to unstick themselves open (contacts in) so that I could snap off the tellie and crawl into bed for a few hours. So, of course, when the buzzer sounded at 6:30, I was conked out and dreaming that someone wouldn't turn off that annoying buzzing sound, when lo and behold, at 7:30, I realized that it was my annoying buzzing sound! I sped through my shower/lunch packing/etc., and was out the door by 7:40 (though Craig will never, ever believe that!) (well, and, 7:30 is actually 7:20 since we have the clock set 10 minutes fast.) Oh, well. It's slow at the office with so many people away, and with the gradual descent/shutdown of the job. I called myself a slacker when I made it in, no worries. Tonight I am again roasting chicken split bone-in breasts, and instead of crashing the mad flavor with salad dressing, I'm eating it solo alongside my creamy Parmesan orzo and asparagus. I toyed with the idea of a goat cheese sauce for the chicken, but decided against the hassle, since I'm only aiming to impress myself tonight. :) Today was a long, long day, but with everything I accomplished, I made it through, at least! Tonight's plans include popping in some old Dexter after I clean the apartment somewhat, and old Dexter is like Christmas Day around here, for me, at least.*I shot the above photo in Chicago and was pleased with the results, mainly with the depth of the colors, and the lack of noise in my blacks (that's so hard with a dSLR unless you've got mad skills, which I do not.) I love my Nikon. It might be my best friend second only to Craig. So, while we were hanging out with all of the babies, we became enlightened that little Brady loves ladders. No one is quite sure why, but it's intriguing. Of course, I love the idea that a child is obsessed with something so rife with meaning as ladders. :) He calls Craig's dad "Papa" and kept demanding to see "Papa's Ladder." I swooned over this. Once, he even threw a mini tantrum because late one night we wouldn't let him see "Papa's Ladder." Then Brady also has this thing where he calls the other men in his life "Misters." He called his Uncle Dave "Mr. Dave" and his Uncle Craig "Mr. Craig." Last night, Craig ate over at Kara's while he was in Indy, and this morning in the car on their way to daycare, Brady asked Kara, "When is Mr. Craig going to visit again?" (swoon!) That reminded me of when he was calling me "sissin" when he couldn't pronounce "Kristin" and how he woke up one morning asking for "sissin." I love the babies! They are nothing but a big batch of cuddly cuteness and brilliance.*Before signing off and getting back to my regularly scheduled KB program, I want to remind myself that filling out recipe cards is one of my loves. My recipe book is sorely missing out right now. I've found like a trillion new recipes in the past year and not filled out one recipe card in recent history. Not cool. Must make note.*Also, Eberhart has written us a lease extension thru October 31st. Oh, please, please, please, Brooklyn work assignment, happen. Please. It would make right around 6 or 10 people I know very, very happy, along with maybe around 20 others. No. sleep. til Brooklyn! (Beastie Boys get played regularly around our office these days.) Enough for now, off for a night.

4ths

2009-07-07T19:15:00.003-04:00

It's Tuesday following a very relaxing and all at once exhausting trip to Chicago to visit Craig's family for the 4th of July Holiday. I only say exhausting with regard to the travel itself: United Airlines experienced "computer glitches" Thursday morning at O'Hare, and as luck would have it, we were departing LaGuardia via United to travel to O'Hare! Of course! But, we endured it and wound up safely in Chicago after just a handful of hours of delay (we were quite lucky considering the number of canceled flights into and out of O'Hare!) Thursday night, Craig's mom served us lasagna and salad and garlic bread, and it was nice to eat someone else's homecooked food (particularly since her lasagna was awesome!) Friday morning we woke up refreshed, ate breakfast (eggs, bacon, English muffins, coffee) and Craig's dad drove us to the Southshore train station so that Craig and I could travel into Chicago for the day/night. It was really nice, just Craig and I wandering the clean streets of downtown Chicago, eating Chicago-style pizza for lunch, indulging in 312 (the latest Goose Island brew) seeing the sights and shooting photographs. We saw a lot, stopped in a few bars, ate dinner at a place off the Southport stop and headed back to the train only after seeing some city fireworks. Saturday morning we awoke to the find Kara, Ben, Brady and Jake (who had arrived the evening before while we were in the city), and we suited up for the Whiting Parade, a Whiting July 4th tradition. It was spitty, but not too intolerable, and following that was the barbecue, also awesome! Erica, Dave, Hannah and Lauren had arrived in time for the parade, too, and I can't explain how much I just adore the children. I love being familiar to them, and I love having them hugging on me. Such sweet ones. Sunday morning, Kara made us this terrific "Dutch Baby"-esque recipe for breakfast, which was a light souffle bowl filled with strawberries, blueberries, bananas and topped with a light bit of honey, which she told us was straight from the bees from one of her co-workers (how cool would it be to have bees??? I know!) and we spent some of the afternoon with them before they packed up and headed back to Indianapolis. Sunday evening, Craig and his parents and I traveled to Dustin and Fiona's in Wrigleyville for another barbecue; for this, Dustin grilled "beer can chicken," which was unbelievably great, and we sat outside on Dustin and Fi's cute patio, sipping drinks and chatting. Then Monday we woke up to travel our separate ways: Craig was called to Indianapolis for a few days to work on what we hope will be our future New York work assignment, and I suffered an insufferable canceled United flight, stood in a million-person long line at a gate for hopeful re-assignment, lucked out and landed a 7.25 flight (first class!) back to LaGuardia (despite how much you irritated me this weekend, United, thanks for accommodating me!) And now I'm home, sans Craig, roasting chicken breasts, planning to catch up on DVR'ed shows and eating a ridiculously healthy dinner before turning in. Things are really good, except for the office, which is a ghost town right now, and boring!, but this too shall pass and soon enough we will learn of our fate which we so hope will find us remaining in New York City for a couple of years longer.*Meanwhile, Michael Jackson died, which was unsettling for pop rock in general, but the media has overplayed it to the point that Who Cares Anymore! Seriously, we need the media to quickly close this chapter and move along to something more earth-shattering, like Who is doing something about our coked out economy and when are things going to look up for those of us still here. Etc.*Hasty post, but have many things on the agenda before the chicken is done, like emptying the dishwasher and figuring out what's excessive in the fridge that can be discarded.*I got to talk to Craig for almost an hour earlier tonight, and his voice is so comforting, despite our brief separation. I miss my best friend but am glad he is there getting good things done for us. :)

Workouts

2009-06-17T20:02:00.003-04:00

(2) Pics for the "Plants, Not Flowers" photo assignment (I did not use them)...

Some kid's motor boat in Central Park from when M&D were in town...

I'm home with time to spare tonight! Errands are run, exercise at NYSC complete (accomplished 2 miles of mostly running with some brisk walking and cool down thrown in), and two split chicken breasts are roasting (olive oiled, sprinkled with kosher salt, onion powder and cayenne pepper) to be shredded for ontop of a brightly colored salad that I will be constructing soon. But! Time for KB while Craig hits his gym...with a TRAINER! Aye! He's going to have his ass kicked, haha! So I wanted to just blog at random. It's too big an endeavor to update craigkristin tonight, but I'm kicking myself...I need to soon! We've got so many pictures I've yet to post. And I just jotted a few notes into my iPhone (yeah, weird, I know) about tomorrow night's activity - packed evening! Leaving work early would be heaven sent but I doubt that will get to go through, especially with Friday off for our trip to Chicago. Ah! But one thing at a time. The random pictures above are just that: random pictures. I'm embarking on a summer filled with "photo assignments" with my co-worker Sadaf who is an excellent photographer - she's also blessed with having purchased the grown-up version of my Nikon :) but we just accomplished our first mission, an idea I stole from The Internet's Brain, called "Plants, Not Flowers". It went well, I think! I will post actual photos I "used" for the "assignment" later on. The next assignment is "Windows," which has me just giddy because here in New York City, nothing is more fascinating than the windows. Hmm, I say nothing but I mean very little. And what happened to me with our "Plants, Not Flowers" assignment, is, that even without the Nikon on me, many days I would have my eyes peeled for interesting photo opps. Since I stare curiously at the windows in New York City all the time anyway, this ought to really get some inspiration spiralling in directions. Moving along, working out has been going very well. In fact, it's been going so well that I'm mentally lashing myself for not joining a gym earlier. Although, the "recession" prices did quite help my ability to do so. For almost a year, I've wondered, "Why don't I just go outside and run already?" There is this huge world of New York out there where I could run and run and run for free, and see interesting things all the while. But! Seeing as it's free, and I'm not losing money on it, there is little to no motivation. Paying approx. $100/month (I know. I know.) more motivates me to get myself up to 3rd Avenue and make it happen. Look at it like this: my gym is no more than 2 minutes from me. How less intimidating could that be?? And the clientele are varied, not like what I imagine Craig's gym to be, which is a sea of Desperate Housewives and their pool boys eyeballing themselves and each other in giant mirrors on the walls and ceilings. Sorry Craig, but ew. :) So anyway, he's "training" tonight (neither of us has ever done that so I asked him to take notes because I do also have a free single session at my gym) and I'm gathering we'll eat our huge lovingly prepared (soon) salads and just conk out. But tomorrow's gigantic. An H&M opened in one of the Bovis high rises built at 86th & Lex. Seeing as I'm saving for a Macbook Pro in its beautiful aluminum SEVEN HOUR BATTERY GLORY, I'm unable to continue to splurge on such stores as Banana Republic and Bloomingdale's. Haha, to compare those two. Bloomingdale's would swallow Banana Republic whole. So, with H&M in the picture (and a big, nice, new, shiny, awesome one, at that!), I can feasibly deck out a wardrobe for the weekend in Chicago for very little money and feel satisfied with what I find. Craig claims I buy something new (to wear) everytime we travel. Okay. So I do. I'm just gosh darn bored with every stitch of clothing I see in my shoe box-sized closet. It could all go up in smoke and I'd not remember a color of any of the shirts or pants.*Oh. Speaking of up in smoke. This morning I heard sirens. Tons of them. Then they were suddenly in stereo. I think I was tousling my wet head of hair to shake some shower from it when I headed to the living room to see what might be up. The same sirens outside were on our television. Aggh! An apartment fire! 92nd and 2nd! That's where we live! Egads!! The news channel informed us that a 10th story apartment had caught fire around 6 a.m. and was being dealt with by local firemen. One smoke inhalation treatment, no deaths or anything. So we went about our business to get ready, left the apartment, and holy firetruck convention!! There were firetrucks littering our little corner of the universe! Like 30 of them! Lined up with flashing reds and yellows along 92nd Street from 2nd Ave to 3rd, and from 93rd to 91st along 2nd! WTH! So many firemen and trucks?? Really??? We sort of did our normal thing, stopped into Dunkin Donuts for our usual coffees then headed to the train, but weird morning! I'm just chalking it up to yet another thing we've witnessed that phases next to no one because New Yorkers are survivors. It's amazing.*So, tomorrow after my first trip to our brand new neighborhood H&M, I'm doing several other things, including manicure, pedicure, working out, picking up laundry, and on and on, then I have to shower and figure out a way to be a rockstar to go to a Pete Yorn concert at 11:30 p.m. at Joe's Pub. I know! 11:30 p.m. That hour commonly finds me swimming into some weird dream. Before the show, we're going to our fun little Korean restaurant on St. Mark's Place (I hope since it's summer that they have their yummy Watermelon Soju!) I'm going to review it for Hungry? which means dragging along my friend the Nikon. But, Pete Yorn! Pete Yorn. I saw him live in Detroit in like 2002 with my old Cinci/Kentucky friend Jay who worked on the airport with us. Pete Yorn's music is awesome but he also covers things with such skill and grace that I could just fall apart. He covers "Dancing in the Dark" and it sounds like a brand new song. He covers "Panic" by the Smiths! Ah! He covers "China Girl"...really?? Really??? But again, his original music is even amazing. Craig listened to him a little on the way home from the gym yesterday to get in gear for the show. I need to. Maybe I will put him in while waiting for Craig and our salads.*Friday morning, our flight to Chicago indeed leaves pretty early. Our eyeballs will be stuck shut, I know this. But, Friday when we land, we're taking a cab to Dusty and Fiona's to meet with Fi - will head to lunch with her (Dustin will be at work) and then - who knows?? It's Chi-town. I will bask in it because I don't get to spend time there, ever, and I was born there. My dad's a Cubbies fan. And a Bears enthusiast. And he loves Ditka. :) I've got family that lives there - not the first trip, but perhaps the 4th of July trip when we go again, I can see my Aunt Claude, Uncle Jim, Cousin John, Cousin Kate, Cousin Carol, Aunt Dee or maybe even the new baby born to our family who was a preemie (he is doing rather well, fingers crossed for growth). Craig would help me facilitate any of that.*I'm unsure of how many things I accomplished journaling here, but the chicken is out to "set" and the vegetables must be cut now. Craig's salad will have an Asian flair because I bought him a ginger dressing that I hope he likes (akin to what he gets at Ookie Sushi when he orders a salad). I'm making mine with tons of tomatoes, red, yellow and orange, goat cheese, spinach, mesclun, yellow peppers and cucumbers. It'll be like a little salad bar of sorts.*KB, off to work. Another good day.

Stories

2009-06-13T08:26:00.003-04:00

North in CP

I'm not over this girl statue bird bath, yet...I think she's so quiet and sweet!

Today is one of those times I can sit back and reflect and genuinely feel life is okay. I've had an exciting week, not at work as much as at home. I worked out mid-week and it felt great. I'm working out later this morning and I can't wait to feel that light almost "high" sensation again following a work out. I cooked dinner for us the entire week, as well: sun-dried tomato pesto with feta, arugula pesto over linguine (I splurged on freshly shaved parmesan, mmm), (oops, sushi one night, too, ordered in!), something else I can't recall??...and last night's dinner: last night was hands down a keeper recipe. I'm going to really break this one down, because this one impressed us both and I renewed my faith in myself in the kitchen, even, in the preparation of this (which includes analyzing a recipe to chronologically and successfully arrange the steps - I rarely follow the actual "steps" of recipes, simply because I'm such a snail at certain things that I have to make up my own "steps"!) To begin with, the recipe is from Cooking Light (only from April 2008, so I don't feel like I have been missing this forever or anything!) and is simply titled "Chicken-Orzo Salad with Goat Cheese." While many are put off by the idea of goat cheese, feta is a satisfactory substitution for this one, however, I love goat cheese and wouldn't sub anything for it as a matter of personal opinion. Oddly enough, the recipes calls for 3 cups of Tyson grilled chicken breasts. Seriously? I understand the need for speed for some families, and for working types and others, but for me, Tyson grilled chicken breasts are the jarred spaghetti sauce of chicken. Hmm, I don't mind jarred spaghetti sauce for some things, so maybe that's a rotten parallel. Nevertheless, I wouldn't be paid to use those things in anything I prepare. So, I thought about it. Boneless skinless chicken breasts remain a neverending problem for me to make. They're not easy to get right, really. And I feel like I can't trust the expiration date at grocery stores on their boneless skinless chicken breasts. Paranoia, but I can't help it. So, I decided I'd roast split chicken breasts, skin on, on bone, instead. I found another foodie's website who broke down a very basic roast split chicken breast recipe: rub the breasts in extra virgin olive oil, sprinkle with kosher salt, pepper and cayenne pepper, roast in oven for 1 hour at 350. Nice! And so I did that. Meanwhile, around 30 minutes in, I grabbed my bright red bell peppe (summer's here!) from the fridge, chopped about a cup of it (despite that the recipe calls for 1/2 cup), chopped half a red onion, thinly sliced some fresh basil, threw those items together in a container and dashed the mix with dried oregano (recipe calls for fresh, but that's harder to come by here.)

Then I began to boil the water for the orzo. Craig picked up some multi-colored orzo for us the other day, so I was anticipating quite the colorful dish. :) As the water boiled and the time narrowed for the chicken to roast, I got our wheat bread buttered and sprinkled with garlic powder to pop in the oven once the chicken came out. Orzo into the water, chicken out of the oven to rest for 10 minutes, bread into the oven; I tossed the red bell pepper/onion mix into the bowl, began to chop the chicken, tossing it ontop of the pepper/onion mix, then quickly drained the orzo. The arugula went ontop of the chicken/pepper/onion, then the orzo ontop of it to wilt the arugula. Meanwhile, I had mixed a red wine vinegar/extra virgin olive oil/salt/pepper concoction and that served as the dressing to be mixed in. And, goat cheese ontop. Voila! It was amazing! There were so, so many flavors dancing around in this! And roasting the chicken was a must. It was melt-in-mouth savory. So yummy. We both ate seconds and there are still leftovers for our lunch today! Add in a little more fresh arugula, sprinkle with goat cheese, and there you have it! Craig commented that it also seemed an appropriate summer salad. I would totally recommend this to anyone who loves a good chicken pasta salad! Orzo? You can really rarely go wrong with that.*Moving along. Much of my week was then absorbed by my short story obsession. I swear I go through this once a year, maybe give or take, a little more or less than that?, but whatever the case, it all began (again) by stumbling across a short story contest through a website called "flatmancrooked." The short story judge is Aimee Bender. Aimee Bender, I repeat! Most people who know me understand that she is, simply put, my favorite authors. I am a superlative human being and have superlative loves (as pointed out lovingly by an ex in college) but seriously, if someone actually seriously came to me and said, KB, this is IT, one author, CHOOSE, I'd pick her. The only, only issue I have is that she hasn't written enough. But she's young. She's got time. Flatmancrooked publishes what seems to be a majority of stories penned by MFA students, either matriculating or currently teaching or what have you. And I'm no MFA in Creative Writing degree expert, but I've researched it good and plenty, and know a number of them in my life, and they're not always the most skilled story tellers. However, on flatmancrooked, it appears that they hold high standards for publication. And I like their standards. So I've spent the latter part of my week consuming short stories, one after another after another, on my iPhone on the train, on the computer, from books (I gathered together my Julie Orringer, Miranda July and JD Salinger short story collections, then last night, located my Raymond Carver one) and over the course of a month, I intend to swallow just about as many short stories as I can. The structure of a short story is such a fragile skeleton, and it takes serious talent to sculpt it well. Each word holds relevance, because there are only so many words and pages available. Quantity of characters must be limited, and they each must mean something to the underlying basic theme of the story. It's just hard. And those who do it well, well, they really do it well. I love language and feel fairly competent at turning a phrase. But I have yet to write what I would deem a narrative worthy of short story status. It's a tough task. I read, earlier in the week, that to break it down, an author can: 1) put a man up a tree, b) throw stones at him, c) get him down from the tree. And those are the basics. Sounds simple enough? It's just not. So, in the next month, while wholly consuming my reading time with nothing but the short story, I want to live in my mind in these pared down vignettes. That is, I want nothing epic. So this good thing has happened to me. I've been reminded of countless times where I have finished the last line of a story, closed the book quietly, and just meditated on how difficult it must have been to construct that! How flawlessly people are able to say so much by saying so little. I hope I stay here with this for a while. I'd like to think it's something I've always just loved but haven't been loyal enough to. Thus begins the loyalty.*On to a restful weekend, although, the forecast predicts rain, so there may be less photography than I hoped. Drats.

Icons

2009-06-08T18:57:00.002-04:00

nin is unleashing something here, something rocking and fierce!

perry ferrell, musical gazelle!

I feel like I'm not posting as much as I used to, or as much as I'd like, at least. Time picks up speed in the summer. So, this past weekend we engaged in a few events. Friday night I cooked a Chicken-Chorizo Burger which was raw chicken pulsed with chopped Chorizo sausage, jalapeno and torn corn tortilla shells (I cooked them in a skillet on the stove). The recipe calls for an avocado mayonnaise which has lime juice, cilantro and avocado, and I added slices of Pepper Jack cheese (using, of course, whole wheat Weight Watchers rolls!) They were incredible, a memorable experiment that we will revisit. Saturday night we traveled to Brooklyn to attend a party at Julie's (our friend Adam's girlfriend) at their new apartment and for her roommate Emily's birthday. It was a total blast, which included conversations about college days (censor!) and a lot of gushing over their new place, which is on Nassau Ave in Greenpoint, Brooklyn. While it was somewhat of a hike to get there, once there, we had a terrific time! Sunday morning, needless to say, we woke up feeling plowed. We're just too old to stay out that late anymore. But, Craig had secured us tickets to see Nine Inch Nails and Jane's Addiction out at Jones Beach, and right around this time last year, we saw R.E.M. out there, so why not, right? It's like our newfound "vintage music" summer tradition! Somehow, through the thick fog of a morning after a late night, we showered and walked to 86th Street to, dutifully to our wallets, take the subway. But our Long Island Rail Road train would be departing at 1:40, and as anyone who has ever ridden a weekend subway can attest, the subways run much less frequently weekends and can become an obstacle if you have to catch a train from Penn Station. Resigning ourselves to the fact that the 6 to the E to Penn Station would take half the day, we emerged from the station and grabbed a cab. Our driver somewhat sucked, so we rolled up to Penn with something like 12 minutes until our 1:40 would leave. Craig darted to the ticket machine and I hurriedly checked the track schedule. It was like being in an action movie, really, since we were running through the station waving our tickets sweating bullets that we'd miss our train! Or something less dramatic than that...but still, we cut it close, and shew, made it. The trip to Freeport is actually not that bad. Then, once to Freeport, we grabbed a taxi to the Nautical Mile, where there just happened to be a carnival happening. We grabbed crabcakes and beers for lunch, then sort of bar hopped up and down the Mile, people watching all the while (with fascinating content to watch, really!) Once, in a bathroom waiting in line, I was surrounded by a group of Long Island women who were all shrieking at each other in Long Island accents. First, they told this older blonde lady that she was "such a good dansa" (because she'd been dancing up a storm with her hubby on the patio.) The blonde (thickly accented also) said, "Wouldja believe I have 7 kids? This is my only date night a week," to which a couple of others squealed, "You have 7 kids? Get outta here! She's got 7 kids!" and they all proceeded to be, well, Long Island women together. We were all anxious to use 1 of the 2 stalls, so this one woman turned to the group before entering the stall and said, "Ahl be the fastest pissa you ever saw!" Too, too awesome and hilarious!! I loved it, and left the bathroom to tell the entire thing to Craig. After spending some more time at the Mile, watching the crowds, drinking beers, we called a taxi to get us to Jones Beach. Our tickets got us into the VIP tent which is the only location serving beers in an otherwise dry venue. During which time we had a beer, some band called the Street Sweeper Social Club was on, and the Rage Against the Machine guitarist is in it. They rocked a little too hard for me at my older age :) but sounded good, anyway. After that, NIN...ohhh, it was soo good! He did play Terrible Lie and Head Like a Hole and a whole string of other oldies...between NIN and Jane's, we grabbed another beer, then JANE'S!!! It was just incredible. Perry Ferrell kinda puts some of the older rockers to shame, really. He's wild and full of energy and his voice is such a classic, original and amazing sound. We had so, so much fun, and it was worth it getting back to Manhattan around 1:30 this a.m., although now we are both just shot. Craig is serving jury duty, beginning today and returning tomorrow for an indeterminate amount of time. Work is work. I'm on the brink of buying a Macbook, or a Macbook Pro, depending on the pros and cons I determine as to which I should get. Apple made announcements today, and prices have dropped tremendously and while 10 years ago, I wouldn't have dreamed of attempting to buy anything as expensive as an electronic thing, these days I'm a little more flexible with spending (ahem, including the Nikon purchase, which remains one of the best things I've ever bought!) Once I establish which laptop I want, and once I save the money so that I'm buying it outright and not charging it, all will be well in the KB-expensive purchase land. I will be done for a while! The only thing that agonizes me and delays my laptop purchase is that I'm for once and for all going to have to get organized, really, really get organized: my writing, my photography, and so forth. It's going to challenge my smarts something fierce. But, it's inevitable. I must make it so.*Off to rest the rest of tonight.

Albums

2009-05-31T14:35:00.005-04:00

It's Sunday early afternoon, and my parents just arrived at LaGuardia to hopefully catch a flight earlier than their 8 p.m. back to Detroit. (pregnant pause--KB ran errands then kept posting...) They arrived in New York to visit us last Thursday evening, and we had a really fantastic time with them, filled with good eats, a lot of walking and even a Mets game at Citi Field so that they could see our endeavor. Thursday night we ate dinner across the street at Zebu. I haven't posted enough about my new accomplishment, if anything at all yet, which is that I was a contributing bar review writer for a publication called Thirsty? New York City, which was released at a book launch party last Tuesday. The book launch party took place at the Audrey Lounge in the W Tuscany at E. 39th between Park and Lexington. The first hour was for press and contributors only, followed by public access. The turn out was really very good! And Craig joined me when he was able and I learned that the Hungry? City Guides organization is looking for a Hungry? New York City guidebook editor. I am going to pull together a resume of sorts and send it to one of the L.A. girls tomorrow, which is all too exciting, if it pans out! Anyway, we met up with my old best friend from college and her friend at a bar following the book launch party. That night resulted in quite the fog for the day at work the next morning (rock star?? I think not), then in the evening, my parents arrived, and while we had planned on going down to either Rosa Mexicano or Pete's Tavern for dinner, followed by bowling, we instead elected to cross the street and eat at Zebu. We had a divine experience there, and I reviewed it for the Hungry? City Guides blog page, which is another thing I've assigned myself to do commitedly. Anyway, after Zebu and its delicious Brazilian fare, we headed to Biddy's for a few beers, only to happily learn it was trivia night! So, we played trivia and drank Guiness and it was quite a riot with mom & dad! Friday morning I went and picked up bagels for everyone. Mom & dad left to see the Intrepid, and Craig and I relaxed while I waited for my contacts to arrive. Around 2, we left to meet them in Washington Square Park, after which we ate lunch at this new most awesome NYU bar called The Half Pint. The food is super upscale bar grub, with the option to build your own sandwich comprised of an array of ingredients, most of all which I love, which means I could eat there a number of times and not exhaust my options! We then walked around for a while before heading to Flushing for the Mets game. Jenny (college bff) and Mary joined us, and it was pretty fun showing off the digs to them. They were all really sweet about it, and we had a blast. Jenny and I were almost crying, we were laughing so hard, which is just about exactly how we are together. I wish I could have spent more time with her, but she was here with Mary to attend the Book Expo at Javits Center (Sunday, the Thirsty? guide was on display!) so that put a dent in many plans. But it was still an amazing weekend. Saturday, my parents were graced with long overdue and well deserved gorgeous spring New York weather, so we walked through Central Park, found the Bow Bridge, which Craig and I have never seen, then traveled to the Meatpacking District for an adult beverage (which was altogether surreal and I realize why we do not go/fit in there! Ack!) then we shifted to Union Square to browse artwork. Craig and I found another wall piece, this artsy high contrast photograph of the Manhattan Bridge shot from DUMBO with a puddle of water in the cobblestone street in which the bridge is reflected. There is what appears to be shoe polished or dark painted masking tape that frames the photo (a technique I love from long ago) and it's basically pretty fantastic. It was $20! That's yet another ridiculously incredible thing about this town. Anyway, we came back to clean up and have a beer, then took a cab to Brick Lane for Indian food. My parents were extremely adventurous and we so appreciated their open-minded approach to something so unfamiliar to them! Our meals were unspeakably delicious (although I will be reviewing Brick Lane for the Hungry? site) and then we came home and watched a few DVR'ed shows before mom & dad went to sleep. Craig played Sims City and I watched Role Models and we finished off a few beers that were in the fridge. This morning, Craig and I slept in until like 10! My mom, each morning she spends here with us, quietly slips out to have coffee at Dunkin Donuts around the corner. She places my dad's cell phone by his head, and when she's ready to return to the apartment, she calls him and he meets her downstairs. I know, why not take the keys, right? :) It just has to do with the weird quantity of keys on my keychain and how many different keys it takes to get in and out of a New York apartment building. So, she and dad were up super early but Craig and I slept like rocks (I awoke around 7 to gear up the TV for dad, seeing as our gadgets differ from his in confusing ways) and then when we did finally rise, the 4 of us cleaned up and went to the Corner Cafe for brunch. Craig had the idea that we should take them to the north part of Central Park to show them the lush gardens (statues seen above) and it was a wonderful and relaxing hour. We snapped tons of photographs, and I almost felt as if I would never leave, because the photo opps were multiplying and I was experimenting with settings on the Nikon and just really, really enjoying the sun on my face and the peace that can be found in that part of the Park. After our hour or so there, we walked back to the apartment and packed up mom & dad to cab it to LaGuardia. It sucks - their flight is not until 8 tonight, and we sent them off way early for that late of a flight, but they tentatively planned to try stand by on an earlier one, otherwise they understood that Craig and I would like the afternoon to ourselves to unwind and gather ourselves up to face another work week. Since they have left I've gotten a lot done, and I'm pleased with the weekend overall and feel confident that this week will be a strong and good one. Today, I joined a gym. Slap palm of hand to forehead. I joined a gym. A gym. What happens at gyms? What am I supposed to do with myself there?? But it's long, long, long overdue. Since the months leading to opening the stadium found me throwing Weight Watchers into the wind, I've found 10 lbs. that I have shrugged off as Who Cares lbs. I don't have a terrible issue with my body - it has its awkward quirks, like my knobby knees and blotchy arms and knotted fingers and I could go on, but that doesn't have anything to do with the fact that working out is healthy no matter what is the end goal. As a teenager and young adult, I always felt so comfortable in my skin. Near my late twenties, that feeling dissipated with the onset of no longer being invincible to aging. Now, no matter what, if I can get back on track with healthy eating and lifestyle (which includes fumbling with a dial on a treadmill several times a week??), I think everything else will come together in a natural, happy, healthy and tolerable fashion. Craig is out right now exploring his options as gym memberships go. I joined the more affordable $106/per month, month-to-month gym, whereas he might be more inclined to join the pricier, more sophisticated, more expensive gym called Equinox. I know no difference, only that by paying a monthly fee, I hope I am fueled to at least wander in and throw some cardio into motion a few times a week. We'll see how things unfold.*Tonight I'm making sauteed chicken breasts with a creamy white sauce, orzo and asparagus. And I'm contemplating updating craigkristin, although, that's a hefty endeavor considering I have not updated it since trips to Brooklyn, Baltimore, portions of Manhattan and many Citi Field adventures. But, possibly I can condense recent history to a brief photographic summary. I'd like to get back to being me again. I'd like to find that balance.*

Reruns

2009-05-14T20:15:00.004-04:00

I've become obsessed with soft clean smells bottled up behind simply designed labels. Escada started it, and yet I haven't worn that one in a while because I keep adding to my collection, and each new one one ups the previous scent. The fresh scent came next, which I adore because it is like sitting in a smoky speakeasy with bluesy music playing. Then because my friend recommended it, I swung by a Sephora one Sunday after brunch with Craig on the West Side and purchased Amazing Grace by Philosophy. Then my other friend commented that she loves Pure Grace, also by Philosophy. Again I found myself near a Sephora, so I indulged on Pure Grace as well as the cute little bottle of Falling in Love. I think I'm covered for a while.*It's been quite some time since I posted. This isn't for any reason other than spring fever, freedom from work stress, eating out way too many nights, and a basic lack of motivation to sit at the computer. There are events I wish to recap but can't even begin to do justice, such as the Lauren~Jeff girl/boy parties followed almost immediately by their enchanting wedding, all which happened last weekend. To tag a few memories: Lauren's girl party was held at an organic vegan restaurant, and I've never walked away so satisfied as with what I ate!, Craig came home so late following Jeff's boy party (early? 4:30 a.m.?) that he slept until something like 1 o'clock the next day! And I learned later that Steve, the guy who accompanied Craig out that late, was eternally grateful for Craig accompanying him out that late and the guy also bunked at Amanda's that night, and according to her, "landed with a thud" on the floor when he got home because he didn't make it quite to the bed. Ha! And I also learned more recently that Craig "napped briefly" at one of the bars he took Steve to, then "rallied after that." Oh, sweet Craig! Other things happened in the spaces between those events, such as work, a trip to Brooklyn to hang out with Niki, Matt, Adam and Craig to watch Arrested Development and eat Bojda Burgers (those were just so good) and later play Rock Band and then head to an awesome tiny beer garden right by the subway station, although we cabbed it home from Brooklyn to Manhattan after the beer garden!, and the wedding happened on Sunday (May 17th) in Central Park at the Boat House. First of all, every time Craig and I have ever traveled to a wedding has been via airplane. But, we hopped in a cab and traveled 5 minutes to 72nd and 5th Ave, then transferred easily to a shuttle marked "Boat House Shuttle" and traveled another 3 minutes to the Boat House for Lauren and Jeff's wedding...well, that travel time has all other wedding travel times beat, by a landslide! The first thing we did was sip champagne outside on a patio with all of Lauren's and Jeff's nearest and dearest. Then we were ushered into the ceremony space to the tune of a xylophone. The wedding! Oh, the wedding. Hands down, there is nothing like seeing two people you know and love so deeply marrying one another in front of what feels like the most devoted fans of those two. Seriously! I'd love to go minute to minute but I think that their video footage will say it all! Lauren and Jeff each had just their brothers standing up, Matt and Dave, which was perfect. No string of moist-eyed bridesmaids or goofy groomsmen, just the two bros. And behind the ceremony, outlining the Park, was the City Skyline, which is awe-inspiring. I could ramble forever about each perfect, delicate moment of their wedding, including the classy reception following, and how our table of friends rocked and how we got to cheer on Lauren and Jeff's reception to our table not just once, but twice! Because, all of the girls at our table cheered so loudly that when they approached to greet Lauren said, "That was fun, let's try that again!" and then they backed away and approached us a second time and we cheered just as loudly. :) Whoa, long story, but in summary, I've never felt such bliss and as elated as I did at their special day. It was literally like being one with what the Universe is trying to tell us. There were such waves of love filling the entire space of the Boat House - romantic, familial, and so forth and so on.*Also someplace in the mix, Craig and I traveled to Baltimore. That deserves its own post because it was an impressive adventure. We took the Amtrak train, utilized cheap cabs, saw Fells Point (which is amazing and old and wonderful!), ate the World's Most Amazing Crabcakes, and went to a game at Camden Yards, which is hands down America's finest stadium. What else? Baseball games here in New York, new bars and restaurants, I have my first "published" work book party next Tuesday at a ritzy lounge in a W hotel (bar reviews...will dedicate a post to the book later). And it's Memorial Day Weekend! Just the start! We kicked it off last night with Lauren, Jeff and Amanda for Lauren's birthday (insert: Lauren and Jeff are headed to Greece in July for their honeymoon, but have to get through their musical theater month of June first) - we ate at a raw bar down in the LES called something like "pure food" (don't know for sure) and our entrees were breathtaking. Then, after a righteous experience at this place (located at E. 17th and Irving Place), we walked to Momofuku Milk Bar, per Craig's insistence, for Lauren to have a birthday treat. The line was intimidating at first, but once we were in the door, we were golden. Lauren ordered a milkshake comprised of their chocolate-mint softserve and choco milk. Jeff and Craig ordered slices of cake, both which smelled heavenly. I can't remember what Amanda J ordered? But what I selected, as a weirdly not good but decent recommendation from the cashier, was a fireball softserve~wild strawberry milk combined milkshake, and WOW, was it kicking. I passed it around to Craig, Lauren, Jeff and Amanda, and they all wanted more of it! It was weird, good, and rocked! Craig and I both swear, that place, overseen by David Cheng, must be the City's Most Popular and Amazing Dessert Venue. Their stuff is so strange! And good! Stuff you'd never imagine tasting good thrills the tongue! Anyway, I should probably review it for the restaurant guide blog I'm working on now.*There are so many things more that I'd love to mention, but Craig's awake and showering, which means my day is about to begin. I plan to return with other stuff, stuff we've done, seen, heard and loved. I swear, living in this City is like living in a whole different realm.*

Whims

2009-04-26T16:27:00.003-04:00

We've celebrated a great weekend with great gusto. Friday night we came home and napped, then headed out for a Friday night "date" night, something we haven't done in some time. We took a cab down to St. Mark's and 2nd Avenue and wandered in search of food, and landed in a Mediterranean cafe where we ate delicious cous cous-stuffed calamari and entrees consisting of spicy chicken and goat cheese butternut squash ravioli (so delicious!) We even got to sit outside in their cozy little sidewalk patio area! Then we hit a couple of bars, including a quaint little place called The Blue Owl, where we used one of our City Shuffle cards, and finally we traveled back home to Biddy's for a night cap. At Biddy's, we both became overwhelmingly tired so we bailed, leaving Craig's debit card in the capable hands of the Biddy's staff! Saturday morning, we rose with eager plans to travel to Brooklyn with my Nikon and its shiny new tres expensif 18-200mm Vibration Reduction lens. Scary! Scary owning something that pricey and precious. Anyway, the plans had been to head to Brooklyn early, then come back to Manhattan with more than enough time to get ready for Lauren's bachelorette/bridal shower. Unfortunately, very unfortunately, I received an email around 9:30 in the morning that canceled the Lauren party due to a family emergency in Indianapolis with her father. He is in the hospital, but I do not know details beyond that. That saddened me a lot, because Lauren is very close with her family, and with the chaos of planning a wedding, getting her life stuff in order, and so forth, having something happen to her dad is so shattering (well, as it would be if she weren't planning a wedding.) My heart is with them. So, Craig and I traveled down to the Brooklyn Bridge, emerged from the subway station and proceeded to cross the Bridge. This is Craig's very, very favorite thing to do in all of New York City. It's one of the very rare few things he cannot find any flaw in, walking across that glorious Bridge gawking at all that there is to see. I had the Nikon out, dangling from my neck (I dare not let it just bang against my chest rather I cradle the camera body in my hand - I think I'm over-protective?) but the lens we just bought for my birthday can smell my fear! I am so worried about knowing how to use it. It's enigmatic. It's got two rings - a zoom ring and a focus ring, but I can't figure out how to use either to its maximum capacity and so instead I find myself snapping the same photo from different distances using different focal references and then later realizing how little I know about the dSLR equipment usage. No worries, I am planning to take a Nikon day-long workshop in June to re-learn, and newly learn photography jargon/equipment use. Anyway, we spent a lot of time just strolling. We walked through DUMBO, over to Brooklyn Heights, then took a subway to Grand Army Plaza in Park Slope where we walked and walked along Prospect Park before cutting over to 7th Avenue to find Beer Table, a restaurant Craig has read about and wanted to try. We ate bread and beer cheese and olives and Adam, Julie and Julie's friend Christina met us there for a little while. After that, Craig and I wandered to a couple of more places, then returned to Manhattan to pick up his debit card at Biddy's! We stayed at Biddy's long enough that we were wiped out - lots of sunshine, too many beers, and too little sleep yielded some kind of exhaustion. This morning we headed out to Central Park. The beauty of the days yesterday and today alike had us just reeling with relief, after so much rain and so many cold temps. So we wound through the Park, found a bench near the Great Lawn and sat for some time, then walked across to the West Side, all the way to Broadway and 71st to a new Fatty Crab (Malaysian food we have had down in the Meatpacking District). The steamed pork buns had us both in tears! they were so spicy! And we ordered a green mango salad which had a generous collaboration of pickled items - mango, pineapple, maybe some jicama??, red onion, cilantro, and a handful of other items - oh, including crushed peanuts!, that completely entertained our appetites. Our entrees were interesting, but the sausage was strange. We likely won't eat it again! Then we strolled back in the direction of the Park, slowly making our way through some just amazing New York moments, which found musicians jamming, children screaming and playing, diversely-adorned adults walking/running/just hanging out, sunshine streaming through enormous knotted trees in the Mall, and just a regular wealth of New York at our very disposal. New York City never fails to remind us why we love it here. In fact, today, on more than one occasion I wondered why anyone would live anywhere else. This place is like the only Utopia in America. Of course, I'm biased.*Above pictured is the new perfume I purchased at Sephora on our way out of the Upper West Side today. My good friend recommended it, and when we left Fatty Crab, I spotted the display immediately through Sephora's thrown-open doors. I said, "Craig, I have to go in there really fast." Craig said, "NO." And I rolled my eyes at him and ran inside! Ha ha! I grabbed the perfume and was checked out in no time, after spraying the tester on my wrist, and DAMN! It smells just like my friend suggested - clean, more like a laundry softener combined with some vaguely beautiful flowers than a spray parfum, and definitely something that won't offend (I smell so many colognes and perfumes that make me want to throw chairs!) So, in the spirit of wanting to play with my Nikon, and in the spirit of nice smells, I did a photo shoot with my new scent.*Tonight, and really all weekend, I just pray that my friend Lauren is keeping her Sisi and Noni stable, that she is okay herself, that her most adoring fiance Jeff is embracing them all. I hope her father is okay. Lauren, besos and besos for you from Craig and me.

Lenses

2009-04-17T17:56:00.004-04:00

Today, so far, has been a rock'n'roll birthday. It really has. Craig and I slept forever this morning. I woke up on the couch around 3 a.m. after trying to watch a show, climbed into bed, and proceeded to sleep in increments of several hours until like 10 a.m.! That never happens! Strangely, I had a dream about an ex-bf who was married to someone else significant in my life only she had her girlfriend living with them. The ex-bf had imploring eyes in the dream, big giant brown imploring eyes, and there was a wedding we were all attending. It was so startlingly lucid that I woke up feeling like if I went to my phone, would I really have the text from him that I received in my dream? The oddest thing about dreaming about him is that he dated something like 3 girls with birthdays the same as mine, which he always found to be strikingly cosmic. Me, too.*So, Craig and I ate bagels, and I showered and headed to get nails done, both pedi and mani. Then we traveled to B&H Photography Store near the Farley Post Office/Madison Square Garden. That place is an insane madhouse, with a conveying system filling all of every ceiling, yet we were ushered in and placed our order for my lens and filter and warrantees in exactly 36 minutes (I know so because Gordo called me to wish me a Happy Birthday right before we went in and I checked my phone when we stepped back into the sun).*The new lens is like a holy grail, to me. I have no idea how to use it, and of all of the 66 photos I shot this afternoon, most are duds. But once I learn about its capacities, once I understand the manipulations of it, I will be in such heaven with that thing!*I want to thank Craig again, again again again, for like my millionth amazing birthday because of him. He is this unbelievably bright star in an otherwise dulled existence. He makes everything seem so light and happy, so easy. And today, I also bought this funky dress/long shirt at Ben Sherman in SoHo, and I'm about to go put it on for our date for Malaysian food and stand up with Janeane Garofalo in the Meatpacking District. He set all of this up, because he's a beautiful, kind, trustworthy and amazing best friend, among all other things. Thank you, Craig, and I can't wait for our night to begin! Happy 32nd to me...!

Dazes

2009-04-14T21:02:00.005-04:00

So, things are beginning to calm down, finally. I've been experiencing shades of anxiety that I've never experienced before, nothing worth looking more closely at with medical attention, except that I've been really light headed lately. Stairs have become difficult for me - not impossible, but a strange sensation washes over me as I descend a flight of steps, like with each one I might collapse. I've diagnosed myself informally with a case of vertigo, but there seems nothing I can do for it other than get more sleep, which means the vertigo is a result of sleep deprivation! All of that should subside in the next months, and if not, well, odds are I'm worse off than I've even mildly predicted!*As I type this, Craig naps on the couch through his new drama on Fox. We've been through a wild, often unpredictable ride these days (weeks, months) and we're both beat from it. I think I'd like to rewind a few months and handle things a little bit better, stronger, but as of yet, time travel isn't a reality. But, there are some pure and happy things, too. For instance, at the end of the week I turn 32. I loathed 31 and can't wait to bury it in the archives. I want nothing more to do with 31 as soon as the clocks shift to my birth time of 8:13 Friday morning. I will reflect back on it only that I managed to remember how much I love visual imagery, not how I destroyed a lot of paths I could have traveled, shocked myself with how repeatedly stupid I could be, lost my somewhat haphazard will or ability to manipulate language and therefore haven't written a poem in an embarrassing amount of time, for the first time resigned myself to medicine in which I used to not believe, have asked myself the same question (which I will keep to myself) so many times that I could have filled a notebook with just that question in one short (long) year. I could go on, but with the recognition that I'm being overly dramatic, I want to replant my feet to earth and recall what I'm relieved to have right now. First, there's Craig. We're on different planets but I know we're not far from one another. He's always an arm's length away and he's never reluctant to help me. There's frivolous stuff, too, like my new shiny red camera bag that mimics a bowling bag! and my new Etsy camera strap which is highly fashionable and is my first purchase from an Etsy shop! and my birthday celebration, which begins tomorrow night (or so I tell myself) when we eat at Nina's, invite Jose the Waiter to Biddy's, then head to Biddy's to hang with Benjamin and possibly help him djay the bar with our solid and sound selections of music on our iPods! then continues Thursday night since we don't work Friday, and continues on Friday when we eat breakfast at Mud, head to B&H Photography to purchase my thrilling birthday present (18-200mm VR DX Nikon lens) and a protective filter and then from there, we cruise the City for me to try out the new lens! and we return home for naps before traveling down to the Meatpacking District for yummy dinner at, we think, Fatty Crab (Malaysian), followed by seeing stand up comedy by Janeane Garofalo at Comix! and Saturday we're traveling back to Radegast to celebrate even more with Eastern European beers - tonight on our travel home from work we learned Michelle and Al from the Jersey Shore CAN, in fact, make it, which ELATED me! Michelle and Al are completely awesome. And so that will nicely round out my birthday celebration, which, honestly, I believe will be one of my better birthdays/better years. This year, we will come to a ton of conclusions, in many ways. I hope.*I've been into many things recently, which I guess I could add to the "good" list from age 31. I watched all of United States of Tara on Showtime, and didn't initially love it, but became completely entranced in it as the season progressed. Toni Collette is soaked with talent. Her co-stars are nearly always perfect contrasts for her multiple personalities.*I somehow managed, as a result of my anxiety experiences (long story), to find a new band from Scotland called Frightened Rabbit. I'm totally absorbed in their sound, and I had to validate my newfound fascination with them by texting Jeff Devine about them (he's the best music sounding board I've got, hands down) to which he replied something like, "Yes, they are great sad bastard music" which only confirmed for me that they are for me.*I'm saving Californication for later but I watched enough episodes to know that the dark poetry of that show is definitely something to which I'm drawn. I try to throw in some comedy here and there, too - some sitcoms, and so forth. But really, the actuality of the age I'm about to retire is that I hated it. I hated everything that happened that was bad. I wish I could remove those things from my memory, from my history. And what's strange is that I never, ever experienced regret on such a grand scale. I've soared through my good/bad life with the honest admission to never regretting anything, but now, at almost 32, I know what regret feels like, and it's painful. It's like one of those really giant knots in a muscle, one that even vigorous attention can't make go away.*But the other day on the train, I turned to Craig and said lightly, "I think age 32 is going to be okay. I think it's going to be good for me." Craig reached out and squeezed my knee. I hope that meant that he understands what I mean by all of this, by everything.

Friendships

2009-03-30T21:25:00.002-04:00

We did it. We opened our project. And we're tired, but we've survived it. Today was refreshingly quiet and calm comparatively speaking. I shot the above posted with the iPhone once we made it home last night - those are our fire escapes, that is our building facade, our home on E. 92nd Street. We're still recovering, but I think we're close to feeling normal again.*I would love nothing more than to post and post, to let it all out, everything I have been feeling, but after cooking a pretty decent pasta with onions, fennel and sausage, plus a colorful salad of greens, red bell pepper, English cucumber and red cabbage, I am overly tired. And today I arranged, over email, that we meet up with an old friend of mine from Detroit who will be in New York tomorrow. We're meeting him at Momofuku Ssam for dinner, then plan to have a beer at Vol de Nuit, Against the Grain and maybe Satsko, if we make it that late. This friend dates way back, and it will be good to see him. He's got two children now, and lives in Dallas working for his father's company. He and Craig weren't exactly civil with one another back when we were all in the same office, but I love Craig for the fact that when I told him Jason would be in town and was asking for restaurant suggestions, Craig offered that we meet up with him and show him around a little. Oh, my Craig is such a great guy! Things are different now - it's been like 8 years and we've all come a long way. So that's tomorrow. And this weekend is the Boston Red Sox exhibition game against the Mets in their new home. It will be cool.*Tired, and off to find some sleep in the corner of my room.

Coughs

2009-03-27T22:31:00.003-04:00

Times prove to be tough right now. I appreciate the idea that there are people who are this stressed at work all the time, not just at the big push at the end. I wish I could explain, but words wouldn't even do it justice, so instead I will just mention how grateful I was to get off the train at 86th Street today and slowly trudge home through our neighborhood. The temperatures were mild enough that I only required a light sweater. We decided that we'd meet at home then head to a new restaurant on 1st Avenue (to be discussed shortly). I think the time was roughly 6:30 or 7:00, and daylight filled my adventure home - thank you, spring! I stopped to stare up several times, to calm myself, to steady those frenetic brain synapses that seem to be not only overlapping with one another but also short circuiting as I try to recover parts of my self that have collapsed beneath other parts of my self. I found calm in the trees, in the branches yet to bloom as well as branches with small green gemstone blossoms on them (the latter not pictured). I very slowly navigated the sidewalk as if it were my last stroll in New York City, ever (a nightmare which becomes more real and may have to take place, after all, sometime sooner than I wish to admit). I admired details I've been remiss to admire. It felt good, and it was fleeting, because I don't think I could feel it by the memory alone. But I found it, that solace, some peace.*We went to a restaurant which we are certain used to be an Argentinian place, and which still offered cuisine of Argentina on the menu. Then we determined that it's the same place revamped. Nevertheless, the food was terrific. We ordered empanadas (the place now calls itself "Latino" cuisine, a nice catch-all), filled respectively with spiced beef, chicken and a caprese version with fresh mozzarella, tomatoes and basil. Then we each ordered red meat - this place offers skirt steak, hanger steak, shell steak, T-bone steak, filet steak...and some chicken, but clearly we would each order steak! and I ordered the house salad and Craig ordered the rice and we split a sauteed spinach. The restaurant wafted of/with brilliant scents, and we were happy with our meals. Thankfully, because it cost us!*Now we're home. I'm finishing up my night. Craig just climbed into bed and I am very, very close behind him. Our jobs demand our full attention right now. I will get back to recognizing details of life when I have more time. I miss it, the other details. But at least there are always other things to which to turn. Always.

ps--I have a cough. It's not good. And I hope it's on its way out and not bronchitis or something worse. Please, please go away, cough.

RAWs

2009-03-20T21:18:00.003-04:00

It's been next to impossible (basically, exactly impossible) to have any kind of life outside of work these days. While I am blessed to be employed, and I get that, it's still frustrating. I don't remember the last time I phoned my mom, or had thoughts that didn't travel right back to The Job. But there have been moments, precious moments, and for those, I am grateful. For instance last Friday, Craig headed with some co-workers to Madison Square Garden for college basketball. I swung by a sushi place and indulged in spicy tuna roll and one of that particular restaurant's special rolls, Sauv Blanc, and too much iPhone time (but that's fun!) and enjoyed being alone for a handful of hours. I needed it. Then Saturday after work we enjoyed Zane Patrick's Day (a "holiday" celebration thrown by our favorite drinking show host Zane Lamprey) at the Knitting Factory. We had so much fun. See other blog for photo details! The place was jam packed (something like 600 people attended), and spilled beer made the floor sticky, and it was wall-to-wall elbowing to get around the 3-story venue, and there was only 1 bathroom for women and 1 for men in the whole place (drinking Guiness and needing to use the bathroom with lines of 30-40 people do not mix!) but somehow, I felt so happy that whole day. Oh, and all of that was after we waited in line for nearly an hour to get into the party! Anyway, if I had more energy I'd offer more detail. Hopefully my photos do the talking. Anyway, since then, we've just worked a lot. I'm tired. I watch some TV here and there (and fall asleep during), I've tried desperately to cook and not wish miserably later that I hadn't tried to cook (I love to cook and how tired I am is squashing my favorite hobbies), I've attempted to come up with poems but somehow, my head isn't aimed at language right now, nor is it aimed at taking care of myself, considering the "diet" we had been so smart at has become such a thing of the past. But I will dote on myself for one thing: my love and passion for real music hasn't departed me. Recently when we saw Kristin perform with both 50 Foot Wave and Throwing Muses, I was reminded how very little everything else seems when a song I love plays, or when I see an artist perform that I think is just other-worldly. A friend of mine loaned me an artist. I listened tonight, but was a little bit confused by the noise that entered my head. I explained this to him over email, and he understood, and promised me different versions of this guy's stuff, which I will fully embrace and accept and hear with an open mind. Somehow I'm always slammed back into Neutral Milk Hotel, whether the association is simply gender or something deeper, so tonight I thought of NMH and about how blown away I was when my then-friend (in college) showed me NMH. I remember every single moment that that guy and I spent listening to music together, particularly NMH. And how the lyrics made me cry so much. How I felt connected, and close, without having any idea what the band's head guy had to say, and why was he confusing me with such beautiful music and lyrics? Why did it make me feel like I was being lifted above everything else, and that I was invincible? And it still makes me feel like that? I suppose I just consider music to be a catalyst. It should heighten emotion, it should fit a moment. It should make a person feel something that they would otherwise not feel, good or bad. I will say that I have seriously never met anyone who has met me all the way with music. I think that that happens and it's okay. We are all attracted to different sounds. But I would give anything to find people with which to share the moments of music that leave me breathless, emotionally still, or frenetic, or just plain confused.*The friend of mine who shared an artist with me attended my Kristin shows with me, Craig, and another couple. And I could feel the thrill that everyone felt, just being so close to Kristin and her infecting presence. But how do I define my musical tastes to anyone? It's such a spectrum. If you meet me in one room and ask me what I couldn't live without, I'd say Kristin. If you meet me in a different room, I might say I can't fathom life without Neutral Milk Hotel. In several other rooms, I might say REM, or the Cure, or Bob Dylan, or Joni Mitchell. I might add that my friend Jeff introduced me to Niko Case, Regina Spektor and Of Montreal...oh, and Low. And Andrew Bird. But back to this Neutral Milk Hotel thing. I'm aching, listening to this. And I keep listening.
Here. Without infringing on copyright laws, I just want to include some of the NMH lyrics that push me against a wall and force me to believe that there are emotional geniuses out there who have said what they wanted to say, and making me wish that I could:

"I am listening to hear where you are"...(this line is sung with indescribable panic, I love it.)
"Catching signals that sound in the dark..."
"Catching signals that sound
in the dark we will take off our clothes and they'll be placing fingers through the notches in your spine"

(This is from Two-Headed Boy.)

"Through the music he sweetly displays..."

"Make for his lover who's floating and choking with her hands across her face"

"The world that you need is wrapped in gold silver sleeves left beneath Christmas trees in the snow..."

"and I will take you and leave you alone."

And I'm doing it no justice. Seriously.
And what I love is that this guy has just disappeared. After his band put out the album that I'm addicted to, he couldn't take the publicity, simply couldn't take it, thus disappeared.

And the lyrics I listed above aren't even the pinnacle of what Jeff Magnum wrote. But I just wish I could bare my soul like that. That real. That raw.

Anyway, listening to music is never a thing I take for granted. I'm lucky to have been exposed to music that thrills me to the core. And so are others who feel the same. Music might be just the best escape from real life, while summoning real life issues, all at the same time. Long live listening to music.

I'm too tired to discuss RAW files and Light Room. I will master that program soon. Just not tonight!

Vodkas

2009-03-08T09:34:00.002-04:00

Apologies for the terrible photo shot from the iPhone. Without the Nikon these days (too cumbersome for my schedule, this is just temporary) I'm left with meager snapshots of my City captured by a little gadget. The week has been tiring, and I'm barely awake this morning as I sent Craig off to work again with a bagel, coffee and hugs. But yesterday afternoon was amazing. Apologies in advance of the probability that I will use the word "amazing" numerous, annoyingly numerous times in this post.*We worked in the morning. I got things done, actually accomplished tasks, without the distraction of people stopping by to ask for stuff. It was refreshing, if work can ever be deemed as such. Then Craig and I departed the office before noon. We traveled to Union Square, where we ducked into the Blind Pig for lunch. I ate the spinach salad that I so love, with roasted red peppers, portobello mushrooms, gorgonzola, hardboiled eggs, tomatoes and warm bacon dressing. Craig ate brunch. Then we walked to the Classic Stage Company theater on East 13th. First off, what a great idea to offer a small artsy theater in the middle of this neighborhood (and I'm sure it isn't the only one of its kind). (The photo above is of the building adjacent to the theater.) Second, how brilliant that we would get to see, intimately, very closely from the second row, with almost the scent of these people!, Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard perform in Anton Chekhov's Uncle Vanya. This was far and away the best play I've ever seen (and I consider myself lucky to have seen quite a few, beginning in college and carrying on through my adult life). The theater itself was miniature, intimate, amazing (sorry) and the set blew my mind - a long swing near the entrance (which an usher held back while patrons entered in the beginning and streamed in and out during intermission), and a loft overtop a room divided by wood beams so that the audience could see everywhere at once. The cast members shone. Most of my enthusiasm from the onset of planning to see this revolved around Maggie, because I've loved her from Secretary forward, and have always admired everything she's done. Throw in the fact that her partner Peter is someone I've also found to be striking even prior to their relationship and now family (little girl Ramona). And they are New Yorkers, which obviously adds an element of endearment for me. But as we became enthralled in Act I., the actor playing Vanya also stood out, despite the brilliance of Maggie and Peter. And the blonde playing Sonja emanated true talent. And the play itself? Dark, raw, emotional, absorbing and filled with current themes, despite that it was first published in 1899. I loved it. We were mere feet away from the actors. Maggie is stunning, just magnificent, amazing (sorry!) and stunning. If I were not so exhausted from everything, I'd try to offer a more intelligent review, but nevertheless, we absolutely loved this performance. Craig echoed all of my gushing sentiments, which made me particularly pleased because I worried a bit about how he'd receive it. The basics (spoilers ahead) of the plot are this: a very old professor and his shockingly young wife (Maggie, Yelena) travel to a small district in Russia to stay with the professor's previous wife's brother (Uncle Vanya) and the professor's daughter from the previous wife: Sonja. The professor is sickly and seeks treatment from a local doctor (Peter, Astrov). We find out that Uncle Vanya is in longtime love with Yelena and Sonja is in love with Astrov, however in the play, Yelena and Astrov are drawn to one another (and hey, is it hot to see Maggie and Peter act out attraction on stage knowing that they are linked in real life, which I cannot explain but felt anyway!) Yelena references Astrov as "an unusual man" but when she says this, her eyes sparkle in a way that suggests unusual is in a good way. Appropriately enough, the play ends with the professor and his young wife leaving the district, the doctor Astrov leaving the estate as well, and the drab dull lives of Sonja, Uncle Vanya and company resuming normalcy, despite the fact that it is repeatedly pointed out through the play how "idle" the prof and Yelena are as humans (Yelena is told, "You have nothing to do on this earth" by Astrov). My summary of this play really does not do it justice, and sadly, today marks the close of this show! But we were fascinated. I say "we" and for once, I think I can confidently remark that Craig, too, was as fascinated as I.*Following the matinee, we headed to Bua on St. Mark's for an Old Speckled Hen. Then we found a few more bars prior to our intended dinner at Momofuku. There are several Momofukus in the City, but none are alike one another other than they are hosted by the same Executive Chef David Chang. First we wandered by Momofuku Noodle but it looked slammed, so we traveled a ways to Momofuku Ssam, and waited about 15 minutes for a table. Packed, loud, perfectly New York is this place...and the food? Indescribable. Absolutely impeccable, plated beautifully, everything about this establishment can sincerely boast brilliance. After dinner, we traveled through Ssam into the Momofuku Milk Bar, where they serve desserts. Craig ordered a slice of pistachio cake and a side of Fruit Loops Milk flavored soft serve ice cream (after the first bite, he leaned to tell me how much he liked it and his breath reeked of Fruit Loops!! He cutely kept saying it was Fruity Pebbles-flavored) and it's plain to see that Executive Chef David Chang knows how to tickle New Yorkers, because both Ssam and Milk Bar were filled with eager crowds. We were pleased.*So tired were we that we ducked into Grape & Grain for one last drink around 8, then headed home in a cab. We admitted to one another how tired we were, and granted, we had had our first adult beverage at 1 prior to the play, so it was nice to suck it up and come home early. Now, after sleeping until too late on the couch and finally going to bed in the early a.m., then waking to see Craig off, I'm just worn out. I've got plenty of apartment to clean, which is part of the plan. But I think that naps this afternoon are also in order. I'm just so relieved that yesterday afternoon offered us so much. We need that at a time like this, with stress levels at their alltime high.

Homemades

2009-03-04T14:48:00.007-05:00

Saturdays

2009-02-28T10:05:00.006-05:00

It's Saturday again, and I'm at work. It's ok - I owe it to my company to be here for a number of reasons, and I've got plenty of work to fill my day, but I decided to post a little bit as a break from the paperwork. I've been discovering new photography applications on my iPhone and am using the grainy-quality iPhone camera to snap quick photos and then applying filters in the iPhone - it's like my cheap raw version of having Photoshop and using the Nikon. But I don't care. More, these days, I'm of the mind: if it makes you happy, do it...and so, iPhone hasty photo play gives me the occasional ounce of happy. But this will subside in a few months. It's simply a case of End of Job blues, and I'm in it with a lot of my co-workers, so at least we all have each other, right? Anyway, the image above was snapped this morning when we got out of a cab at 59th and Lex. The 7 train isn't running from Grand Central to Queensboro on weekends right now, so we ate bagels at Bagel Express and cabbed it to the N/W. Turns out, we rode a Q for some reason. The subway. Oh, the subway. I then spent the remainder of the ride toying with the iPhone application called something like fx or photo fx. I used two different layers on this photo, one which made it even grainier than the iPhone camera already yields (I heart my Nikon) and another color gradation one. Then I got to work and slapped on an appropriate lyric from an REM song in the KB Handwriting font my co-worker helped me make a few weeks ago. And there you have it! Recreational graphic design at its most minimal, my happy for the day. I say it's an appropriate lyric because I worry about leaving New York. I worry about it daily, even by the hour I worry over it. I've never felt so at home in my life, not even in Bloomington, where I'd say I felt second most like I was at home. Below, another one from earlier this week.
But, for whatever the reasons may be, leaving New York may happen, and if that event unfolds, I suppose I will search for the right coping mechanisms to handle it. The economy is a mess right now. Companies aren't hiring. Staying here used to be an absolute, but now, we simply must do what it takes to navigate through this financial crisis, even if it means committing to a job transfer. For what it's worth, I've lived here. I mean, not just breathed but lived, loved, laughed, cried (oh, have I done my share of that here), acted smartly, acted stupidly, eaten brilliant foods, learned impressive amounts about cooking, writing, weight loss, construction, elegance, myself...and of course, this is just a brief account of the life I've led here, and I imagine leaving New York will not come easy for me. Alas, I'm at work today and must get back to it, but these small moments for me help to maintain clarity.
Part ii. of my day found me traveling home via the 6 train so that I could make a local stop at 77th Street and browse the skincare/fragrances at Fresh. I've read recently about a sugar lemon (I think) scented body lotion that dooce (I'm a fan) wears, and oftentimes I check her page simply for product suggestions alone. Fresh stores cannot be found everywhere - they are sprinkled throughout the country in elite cities such as mine, so how could I not go into one, at least while I'm here? The store is like a minimalist museum-esque approach to sales, with white-lit shelving lining the perimeter of the store and a simple counter in the center of the store, all walls white, all products lined evenly on the shelves. I love that. And I knew, also, that regardless of whether or not I liked the sugar lemon, I'd want something from here, having traveled to this destination en route from a Saturday work day and, well, just to splurge. So, once again I stimulated the economy by spending far, far too much money on a new eau de parfum. But it blew me away. When I found it, I had collected like 10 of those sniff paper slips in my coat pocket, and my nose was becoming a bit dizzy from me filling it with so many fragrances, but this one spoke to me, immediately. The back story on me with "scents" is that I used to be an avid CK Be girl. CK Be was the gender neutral line that smelled just incredible, and was one of the first things that lured Craig into my wacky web. Well, as all good things come to an end, so did CK Be. Discontinued. So, I threw my hands up in despair and decided that Dove soap would have to suffice. But then, dooce drew me into Escada Into the Blue, which Craig's mom bought for me for Christmas. And I really do love it. But this stuff I bought today at Fresh...I want to wrap a cloak of it around me and bask in the sun or something. With a crisp glass of Sauv Blanc. And tan on my skin, and stars in my eyes. I love love love this fragrance. And the fact that it's called Tobacco and Caramel is the icing on the cake! The tube of mascara shown in the photo is just to further ensure that placing cutely-designed products right by the register will always win me over, and I will buy said product, because I'm that much of an awestricken pushover consumer. I don't even wear mascara!*Craig naps, now home from work, and we had planned to go to a fusion Asian place in the 50's. But we're wiped out, so chances seem more prominent that we might just hit a neighborhood place. I found the fusion place because we each like different kinds of Asian foods better than others (we both like them all, but I can't control my sushi urges where as he can go long spans of time without that, and he longs for Chinese or Thai almost every night!) We're just going to spend a night and tomorrow being sweet kids. Simple, exhausted, brain-numbed yet enthusiastic sweet kids.

Plans

2009-02-21T09:50:00.003-05:00

bodega storefront in somewhere, manhattan

It's Saturday. I'm home today. It's that simple. I'm supposed to be at work - not, as in, someone mandated it, but as a responsible team member I should really be there alongside everyone else. But I'm tired. I'm no more tired than anyone else, but this week I really caved to quite a few of my panic episodes and yelled at more people - nice people, even! - than I ever would want to do. Plus, our apartment is a total wreck and that isn't likely to amend itself, so I have plans today. First, I will thank myself for going back to sleep at 7 and sleeping until 9.12 [insert: unfortunately, I sleep "in" better alone than with Craig there. He calls me a heat box but he also is a heat box and I think we are both prone to the effects generated off each other's heat, which is often something that gets me out of bed]. Although, in that span of 2 hours 12 minutes I managed to dream that Craig had proposed to me, only, the ring had a baseball stadium on it. I know, right! Ghastly. And I remember in the dream that as I showed it off to friends and family, I loved it as dearly as I'd love it had he proposed offering a crumpled paper sack, but still vaguely wondering why I had imagined his taste might just be a little better than that? So, we were in a house that we shared with our friend Brooke. She had family in town, tons of family, children, each equipped with their own pet of varying species - cats, dogs, a snake even...and Brooke kept assuring me it was just for the day. I was happy about the stadium ring and proposal, but really confused with so much activity. There were carpet stains from the children and animals, clutter was strewn about, and it all just happened like a funnel cloud swirling around me. And there were live musicians in the recreation room at the back of the house - chaos. Anyway, there's more but I want drag it on - I just sort of woke up realizing why I am not blessed to be a lucid dreamer even though in theory, it sounds like it would be cool.*The photos above were enhanced by a stellar iPhone app I found. Enough on that.*So. Plans. I'm going to make a list and I will report back to myself on what gets completed today...

Change into Saturday clothes out of jammies.
Make bed.
Write grocery list for Craig's mom's chili that he is making us tonight.
Include on that list a few other stray items, like I Can't Believe it's Not Butter.
Go to Key Food for grocery items. First, travel further north on second to Ace for Drano because our shower is at that stage where it's time and the fabric shower liner is beginning to waft scents that smell like stinky feet.
Return home. Unload grocery items into various cooled or room temperatured locations in apartment.
Begin the fridge cleaning operation, which could be really unfun considering the number of containers containing leftovers from...a while back.
Unload dishwasher.
Load dishwasher with stray items like the kickass Fat Tire pint glass I'm drinking Diet Coke from right now because going to Dunkin Donuts for iced coffees didn't rank very high this a.m.
Clean apartment. Begin in bedroom. Slowly drift through rooms cleaning, all the while washing the bath mat, shower liner, stray bath towels, kitchen towels, etc. across the street at the Ladies'.
Listen to music all this time and avoid contact with other iPhone stuff and computer! Principally it will keep me focused.
Maybe receive my first installment of Cooking Light today?????? If so, pour over.
Contemplate finishing taxes, but maybe think better of that and leave it until Sunday.
Eat a box of Kraft Mac & Cheese for lunch! Because I can. Suck it, Weight Watchers.
Cease to feel guilty about not going to work because I will have accomplished a lot around here and neglecting home life is wrong, just wrong!

And that, Miss Kristin, is your day. Make it happen. If all is resolved in timely fashion, Arrested Development marathon can take place later this afternoon! Ready, set, GO!

Situations

2009-02-18T22:20:00.003-05:00

above: thank goodness for quick and easy sundried tomato pesto recipes with fresh basil, Parm, almonds, garlic, and sundried tomatoes later topped with feta cheese...below, this is the shoe i have yearned to own for almost 4 days or so, since i first spotted it at orva.

then the shoe salesman brought out its partner - look at the tiny star! oh, how these shoes belong to me and fit who i am...i love you, new shoes! it's become time, though, for me to stop stimulating the economy out of my own wallet.
Tonight was okay. I managed to get quite a bit done in little amounts of time. I swung by Orva, made a hasty decision about the Star Shoes, bought them (gulping back my practical protest to myself), then drifted to Food Emporium for a few things. Then I continued to drift home, bags weighing down every arm (er, both) and I managed to quickly and precisely make an amazing dinner for Craig and me. I won't dote on myself too much, but I do do a lot around here (the apartment). Then I spoke to my friend Andrea on the phone for quite some time. She's a genius and an emotional ninja with so much to offer to anyone who meets her, and I physically feel her pain right now. AB, call me! Whenever!*More than anything, it's just time for sleep. I need more sleep now to stay on my game. That's okay, though. Sometime I will find more time to sleep. As will my peers. Cheers, peers. ;)

Characters

2009-02-15T10:41:00.003-05:00

It's Sunday, a beautiful stay-at-home Sunday which finds Craig and I catching up on stuff. I want to get tons accomplished today: watch all recorded tv shows, jot some recipes down into my fancy recipe book, sort through papers, clean the apartment, and so forth. I completed my taxes so that I know what I owe (I'm a responsible tax paying citizen) and have eaten a bagel, had some coffee, and plan to post pictures later from our Indiana trip (which will be my dedicated post to our trip home, which was quite amazing and memorable). Work is hectic, to say in the least. We're all exhausted and are committing to weekend work to wipe paper off our desks. We went in yesterday and stayed nearly a whole day, then rested up at home before heading to the theater for our Valentine's date. I recall seeing Hedda Gabler in college, but for the life of me I cannot recall who played Hedda. I even checked with Lauren Thursday night at her Creek Creative show, and she was foggy about the memory, as well. But anyway, after dedicating a lot of Weeds viewing time, I've determined Mary Louise Parker is one crush of Craig's I absolutely do not mind him having! She's phenomenal - beautiful, frail, smart, strong and interesting as Nancy Botwin. Well, she won me over as Hedda, as well. Critics have been tearing her apart for weeks since the opening of Hedda Gabler at the Roundabout Theater. I'm pleased with much that I see on stage, anyway, but from my perspective, Hedda's depth was more than displayed by Mary Louise. Craig liked the show, too, and obviously enjoyed being in the same room (albeit a large room) with his other girlfriend for a couple of hours on Valentine's Day! After the show, we headed in a cab to Brick Lane for our 11 o'clock reservations. Our dining experience wasn't quite as good the second time around, but that was more an issue of what we ordered. I braved the vindaloo, which is the spiciest of the curries on their list with the exception of the Phaal (which we now know from Man v. Food requires that the chef wear a gas mask to cook) and man, do they mean business with their vindaloo! And our appetizer was a cold potato salad that we didn't like as much as their cauliflower appetizer. I do love that Brick Lane serves Boddington, as I also love the heavenly scent of the curries that fill the room. We came home after dinner and crashed. I anticipate that the next few weeks will bring plenty of exhaustion, but in the end, it will be worth it.*I'm feeling splendid today. I want to embrace spring soon. This winter has been miserable. Oh, I finally finished New Moon yesterday. I'm taking a hiatus from the teen vampire books because I simply can't continue to torture myself with how poorly they are written. I do need to know the ending, though, and will eventually find out Bella's sappy stupid fate. Happy Sunday!

Economies

2009-02-11T19:17:00.004-05:00

above shown: a fraction of the amount of pizza craig consumed when dared to finish what the others couldn't...his friends know better than to say, "we bet you can't!"...craig's stomach was in turmoil for days to follow. below shown: a big delicious mug of beer at fox and hound in indy.

I've been wanting to post for what has felt like weeks and weeks. Much has happened and has distracted me from jumping headlong into the blogosphere, but here I am, with minutes to spare before Craig arrives home and hungers for his Vodka Penne, fresh steamed green beans and garlic wheat bread. So I type in haste!*I've missed out on recording so many things. A co-worker threw his wife a surprise 25th birthday party (ahhh! 25! to think...) and we traveled out to Long Island for that. We kicked it off at a Dave & Buster's, where I salted my food for the first time in what feels like years. I used to heavily salt my food, before I discovered what food is actually supposed to taste like when it's prepared properly (ie., here in NY!) Clearly, chain restaurants are going to have to work hard to win back my affections, if that is my unfortunate fate (to return to that life). Oh! And I forgot that the night prior to the party, Craig and I breezily picked up our iPhones at the Chelsea Apple store. That's part of the distraction that is clogging my extracurricular life pattern right now. Following the retrieval of the handy dandy nifty hand held devices, which means portable Internet, everywhere, we ate at Brick Lane, an Indian restaurant on Curry Row in Manhattan (Brick Lane is named after the Indian district in London, seeing as Indian cuisine is practically the top most ordered cuisine in all of England). We watched an episode of Man vs. Food on the Travel Channel which landed our funny host Adam at Brick Lane, where he embarked on the Phaal Challenge (claiming to be the World's Hottest Curry...the chef wears a gas mask to prepare this dish! Bah!) but needless to say, we did not attempt the Phaal Challenge! Instead, we ordered a random lightly fried cauliflower appetizer which blew our minds, followed by semi-spicy curry dishes from their list of 14 curries! We will return to Brick Lane, indeed.*So, then Saturday we were in Long Island, and we not only ate at Dave & Buster's, but we also bowled...real bowling, not just the Wii this time. It was awesome and we had a ton of fun with the co-workers. The following weekend was our trip to Indiana to meet Baby Jake (Kara's newborn) and to catch up with other family/friends. For this explanation, I need a new post when I am not distracted with the task of dinner. The above pictured are teaser photos from our trip, although, I must admit that nearly devoured deep dish pizza and a mug of beer are hardly entertaining teasers. I will be better about posting soon enough. I've got the stress of work, a new iPhone and the damn New Moon book consuming my time. Priority of life elements will soon resume. I can only hope.*PS--the title of this post will not be touched upon in this post. I just want it to be known that it's on my mind.

Skillets

2009-01-26T20:17:00.003-05:00

Somehow, by some strange potentially nuclear miracle, I've had a full night that didn't seem like it passed in 5 minutes before it's time for Tuesday at work already. I did leave the office at 5 on the nose, which assisted me in climbing from the 86th Street Station by 5:47, and I managed to swing by the drugstore for my Rx, stop in Key Food to purchase dinner ingredients, and arrive home before 6:30. For dinner tonight I decided to attempt yet another new frontier for our palates: barley. The word kind of troubles me, but I came across a recipe that explains how healthy grains are and how barley ranks right up there as healthy grain consumption goes. So, I gave this recipe a shot: a Barley and Sausage Skillet. Granted, sausage is not on the food pyramid as required for a good diet! But the sausage plays a minor role. Also in the dish are onions, mushrooms (I used cremini, as I often do), red bell pepper, garlic, sherry cooking wine, and I threw in some red pepper flakes for heat. The barley simmers alone in chicken broth for about 20 minutes, then is added to the sausage concoction. It was actually really fantastic! I'm happy to add a new dish to our rotation, especially one so simple and basic yet rife with flavor.*After dinner, it was only 8:02! I consider my weeknight bedtime to linger around 10, especially with this pint-sized (hope it stays that way) head cold I managed to find in this bitter cold winter. But it isn't even 9 yet, and Craig is watching Get Smart while I decide my next move (which may be to bed to read several more chapters of my dumb book - despite the poor writing, there are reasons to turn the pages, for instance when I deboarded the 5 train tonight, Bella had just performed a dangerous cliff dive by herself and is now struggling through the strength of the current - I do not fear for our heroine, for undoubtedly one of her mythical creature loverboys will come to her rescue!) I'm definitely becoming somewhat tired, so maybe the warm blankets of bed are the place to be.*And as I wrote that, my Craig just nodded off and has since sprawled horizontally across the couch. He must be as tired as I!

Banks

2009-01-25T16:20:00.004-05:00

So, Saturday we went on a bar crawl. We had a fantastic time, stopping in the middle of the crawl to browse a toy store of sorts. Here I found my Heath Ledger money bank. I can't quite describe how I feel so close to this celebrity, having never met him and the fact that he's younger than me. But what I do know is that he went through a period of darkness, one which found him trying to relieve sleeplessness with pills, trying to recover from whatever illness he had. And I will say that the day he died, I cried. I felt so sad over it, like an artist had left us. I never cried over Kurt Cobain, while several of my high school friends did. I loved him, too, Kurt...but I couldn't quite grasp death then. Not that I do now, but when Heath died, a really sad portion of my heart was tapped. I sort of wondered if really smart artists are always destined to die too early (Plath, Sexton, Elliot Smith), and does that mean that even though I do not apply my art right now, does that mean it's my destiny, too? I'm not disregarding others who have passed too soon - not artists. I'm just thinking, well, maybe pain and art are intertwined, and happiness will never be owned by the artist.*I bought this bank to remind me of how he died while I lived several miles from his home, how his wife and daughter were across the river aiming to be normal people all while being hailed for how amazing they were on screen. It's also my "recession" bank, because never in my life did I imagine I'd be in one, and here we are, in one. I've shoved tons of coins and bills into this Heath Bank, not counting it, just thinking that even if it would buy me a can of food in dire times, it'd be enough. I miss Heath. I miss his work in the same way I wonder what would have happened if Elliot Smith had not ended his life before it was time. I wonder what it's like to really topple off that ledge. Is it rewarding? Is it exhausting? Is it human, to end your own life? Or is it just a miserable mistake...and will you suffer eternally?*Life questions commonly have no answers.

Chickens

2009-01-21T18:22:00.003-05:00

This week is ambling along. Monday feels so far into the past, yet Friday feels weeks away. Yesterday was thrilling, sitting quietly at work with streaming Internet all over the office broadcasting Barack Obama's Inauguration. His family rivals the Kennedys in their powerful yet somehow humbled presence. I'm in love with America for voting for this to be his task. Today was his first day at work in the Oval Office. Under scrutiny and with the support of what appears to be a devoted, supportive and warm family, pardon this...but Yes We Can! :) *This afternoon I went for a dental cleaning. My dentist, Dr. Byun, is a kindhearted soul and a good doctor. But damn if I don't ever, ever want to go to the dentist! Teeth are stupid! Technology now has enabled this breed of medicine to take "x-rays" (COLOR PHOTOS) of the inside of a mouth, while a color monitor overhead of the patient brightly displays the disaster that is a long-overdue dental examination. Bah! What I think is awesome about seeing doctors in New York is the location of their offices. It isn't like anywhere else, where a medical office is on a "campus" with sprawling lawns and spans of other medical buildings exactly like each other (ie., Ann Arbor, MI and U of M's healthcare complex) or a single bland-colored facaded (made that up) building with nothing but medical offices on every floor (several various Midwest locales). No, here...well, my regular physician has an office in an apartment. Yes, an apartment...and my dentist devil (sorry) (he's actually really awesome - it's dentristy in general that is devilish) is located in the basement of a Manhattan highrise at 87th and Lex. Nice! It's strange, though...somehow, here, I trust medicine more than other places I've lived. It's my good faith in All Things New York, I suspect.*So, I'm currently roasting the above posted garlic chicken. This is a recipe that just keeps on giving. This marks the 3rd time I will have made it, and despite its grand beauty (much lovelier with a golden skin post-roast), it is one of the simplest, most mundane recipes I have found, relying on the complexity of its ingredients rather than the impossibility of the recipe itself. Thyme, tarragon, 4 bulbs of garlic, Nicoise (in my case, Calamata, as I have not found Nicoise) olives, olive oil, salt, pepper, and a lemon halved and shoved in the cavity yield one of the warmest, yummiest dinners ever. Hmm, unfortunately, the calories add up on this one. But portion control, portion control! Pair this with favorite mashed potatoes and crisp steamed asparagus and homemade dinner takes on new meaning! Mmmm.*I was going to complain a little about New Moon, but nah. I will save it. It's my fault for continuing to read such dribble.

Kings

2009-01-19T17:08:00.002-05:00

snow on E. 92nd Street...below, b&w fire escape with snow facing E. 92nd Street...

snow outside our bedroom window...

It's MLKj Day, thus we took our sweet time going to the office this morning (I slept until almost 7!) and left early. Happy unexpected snow bathes the city in a sheet of white this evening, although I cannot be sure it will stick. Our joint venture partner honors today as a Holiday. Our office was a ghost town without them present, so my co-workers on our side of the team volleyed jokes over our cube walls and ate lunch in a conference room together. This marks a time in my life where I might just feel a little less frantic about the potential future changes and potentially a little more excited. I know a few posts ago I was freaking out. And this isn't to say I won't freak out again in a matter of days or weeks. However, Craig and I have one of two opportunities to look forward to, and while one of them seemed completely haywire (and still has plenty of pitfalls), the mere fact of future employment right now is something to not tamper with. Obama is inaugurated tomorrow, and America will collectively breathe a sigh of relief. But the inauguration of our first African American prez, our first Democrat in way too many years, and all of his ambition and concern for this nation won't immediately unmess what's gradually ripped apart so much of what we stand for. Therefore, in these hard times, anything potential in the realm of employment glows like the sun.*I feel so much less exhausted today, having slept a little longer than usual. Anything before 6 a.m. is just out of the question. I am sluggish all morning and it stretches into the afternoon, even if I'm asleep by 10 at night. In my next role, my commute will be shorter, regardless if it's here in New York or at another destination. The thing about what's perhaps to come, what I can see that's positive in it - blue skies more often. An endless span of ocean. Salt water scents drifting in through an open patio door. Gauzy curtains shifting over open windows. No more perilous icy treks across unsalted parking lots! A chance to have sun on my skin year round. Feeling like the beach will replace my concrete jungle. It's far, far too soon to predict anything. But, if things happen in ways out of my control, I must remain optimistic and realize these changes will be for a reason.*Off to gaze at snow while Craig naps on the couch, then to start an early (yay!) dinner.

Picassos

2009-01-17T15:44:00.005-05:00

We're having a really relaxing weekend, which is much awaited and I hope well deserved. Last night Craig made his family's chili recipe, substituting ground turkey for the beef, and we watched Wanted. Surprisingly, I was more entertained by the movie than Craig, who kept muttering, "That's stupid" under his breath. This morning we woke up late (needing sleep like never before, these days) and ate bagels before showering to head into the fierce winter temperatures. We've been planning, for some time now, to go to the Guggenheim. We've visited most of the top-ranked art museums in the City, even the Brooklyn Museum of Art years ago to see Judy Chicago's The Dinner Party in its astonishing profundity. And honestly, with my art background, it's shocking that I don't demand more art museum attendance as it is. So, we found ourselves braving the brisk 15-minute walk to 89th and 5th Ave to see what the Guggenheim is all about. Sadly, all levels of the spiral were closed for construction and installation of a new exhibit, however, we were able to see the permanent exhibit and the Kandinsky exhibit. I fell in love with the above posted Picasso. The title is simply "Woman Ironing." My old art instincts abruptly recognized the brilliance - the genius - of the composition. The line beginning at her neck and creating the jut of her sharp thin shoulder, traveling along the hunch of her back, is perfect. The space created between her torso and right arm couldn't be more well proportioned to the rest of the painting. Then I began to absorb the quiet haunting nature of the woman as a subject. The shadow in her eyes hides her emotion from the viewer so we are free to build what might be there for ourselves, yet her stance speaks ranges of sadness. I love that the iron itself is such an insignificant element of the painting. This was such a compelling piece to view. I returned to it after visiting the rest of the permanent collection, and I bought a postcard of it. But seeing it there, hanging in the Guggenheim, drawing me in, quieting me, reminded me of all the paintings I've loved and viewed live, and how seeing artwork in person is mandatory for art lovers. Live art trumps anything that can be seen on a computer screen or in a textbook, hands down.*In other thrilling news, last night I bought 2nd row tickets for us to see Maggie Gyllenhaal in a Chekhov play. I could not be happier about it! So, in summary of our adventures of the next couple of months, we are seeing Razorlight in concert, Nancy Botwin (Mary Louise Parker) in Hedda Gabler, Throwing Muses and 50 Foot Wave in concert, and Maggie Gyllenhaal in Uncle Vanya. That's a lot of exciting stuff to look forward to! We're blessed.*Thursday afternoon in New York was strange, because a US Airways pilot landed a commercial plane in the Hudson River. Evidently the plane collided with a flock of birds, which stopped both engines. The flight was in transit to North Carolina when this happened, and the pilot used his wits to safely land roughly 150 passengers in the Hudson, where ferries and rescue operations saved every single life on that plane. That's offbeat and positive news, if you ask me. It's being called "Miracle on the Hudson."*Off to enjoy the remainder of the weekend before kicking off another full week of work. Thanks for art, thanks for music, thanks for theater...they make it worth the while of forging through the weekdays.

Musings

2009-01-12T22:37:00.002-05:00

I'm completely dumbfounded that this is happening to me. These tickets - they arrived today in the mail, and they speak multitudes for who I have become since finding them and finding music that could literally turn my world inside out. I absolutely have no doubt that this might be one of the most amazing events of my life, and that I might find myself clapping overhead, crying, laughing and singing along all at once. Music inspires such emotion. And Kristin, of all of them, is most friendly with the ability to cause all sorts of things at once. I can't believe this concert is going to happen to me. It feels like a final awesome destination. Indeed, one I would never sacrifice for anything, therefore I am placing these $20 tickets in our firesafe (which Craig thinks to be ludicrous) cause just What If. I must be at this show. I must be there with my shining eyes watching while this magical woman does exactly what she knows best, which is to woo the masses with her accidental brilliance. I don't know what else to say.*

Snows

2009-01-10T17:09:00.002-05:00

pictures don't do this snowfall justice...

oh, and here is a random photo of my roast from last weekend!

Snow is being dumped on New York City today. It's so nice to be here in this. Snow for non-driving types is just beautiful, not a road block!*I've disappeared from the blogosphere for a while because I've been busy writing reviews of bars for a freelance (not for pay) publication called Thirsty? New York. Lauren sent me the craigslist ad a few months ago, and I responded immediately and soon the bars I've reviewed will be included in a tangible publication. I don't believe I came across overly brilliant in my reviews, but it's going to be such a fun keepsake, knowing that in 2009 my New York "local" editorial perspective will be shed on other New Yorkers and even guests to New York. I still owe the editor 2 remaining bar reviews, 1 which is written, and the other which remains to be researched.*Things are changing. Winter is here in full force, as is all of the mental trainwreck involved with "end of job" problems. This year, Craig and I complete our work on our current job. I'm terrified, sad, angry...what have you...that it's time again to bite my nails and fret this. It's everything, this time. It's me and him. It's career, a possible transfer, leaving New York. We're headlong into our thirties and everything could crumble in a blink, everything could deteriorate to something I'm not ready to confront or believe. Leaving New York is a mortifying concept. Potentially not being with him is even worse. The economy is picking apart America, deleting job after job. We're in for a ride, this year. I love lots of things, but I don't love this fear that I have mounting in my middle. How nice it would be to know what's in store tomorrow.*Off to catch snowflakes in my mouth. Oh, to be 10 again.

Babies

2009-01-02T18:00:00.002-05:00

Happy New Year! It's finally 2009. Oh, thank goodness. Above posted photo is of Alison and Scott's soon-to-be-born baby boy's crib, complete with a ROCKING stuffed guitar...huh, as if that weren't enough to turn him into a complete rockstar, right away! Totally cool. Anyway, we've had a really good time these past few days...left work a little early on New Year's Eve, hurried home to pack up our stuff, then headed across the Park in a taxi (6 minute ride! really!) to cozy up at Alison's and Scott's for New Year's Eve. Joining us were Alison's dad, and Niki and Matt, who all traveled from Queens to have some warm NYE fun. I roasted the garlic chicken and warmed the mashed potatoes that I had made the night before, and Alison and Scott made terrific appetizers to go with our wine and champagne. We played some Wii, I shot Nikon photos, and we rang it right in! We're so happy to have been surrounded by good people to welcome 09. Please, oh please let 09 be the Miracle of Obama...and please, oh please let Americans thrive again.*We've welcomed a lot of new babies recently. Kara gave birth to Jake on NYE, early a.m.! Julie gave birth to Trent Monroe in the middle of the night between the night before NYE and NYE! He was early, but is healthy. Alison is ready, although, I think their baby needs some more time in the oven. We are lucky to know so many healthy, happy pregnant families. And I hope America turns around to treat those babies right. Happy New Year!

Mobiles

2008-12-29T21:41:00.002-05:00

above: snow on the go by hallmark; below: the makings of sundried tomato pesto by KB

I'd love nothing more than to post about our Christmas tonight, but I'm wiped out. It's nearing ten, which is my target bedtime despite the fact that Craig is watching Hancock and I'm half tuned in because it seems to be kind of entertaining. But I did want to mention a couple of things in passing, all random and unrelated. First of all, our trip to Indiana to see Craig's family was haloed by his two nieces Hannah and Lauren. They were just unbelievable and amazing. I will tell stories later. Second, the ornament above was gifted to us by Hannah, Lauren and their parents, and Craig's sister (the girls' mom) explained that she thought of us because of our urbanity. Nice! The picture below the swift snow guy is of my food processor filled with ingredients to make sundried tomato pesto. I was supposed to make turkey meatballs tonight, but that's an undertaking, and I felt so tired. Thus, I opted for easy pesto. But I struggled at Food Emporium to find fresh basil. I never struggle at Food Emporium to find fresh basil. I was so stumped. I almost desperately bought a potted basil plant for $6.99, but didn't, though, realizing that I'd kill that thing within moments of plucking off the first basil leaves. So, I wound up with a tube of basil paste (shown above in the food processor, looks like green goo). The pesto turned out alright regardless. I love that feta cheese gets sprinkled over it, because seriously, what pesto gets paired with feta cheese? And the smart thing about feta is that it covers up any erroneous ingredient selections, such as basil goo paste.*As sides, of course we ate asparagus. And I bought a fresh loaf of 7-grain bread which I turned into garlic bread. I ran the dishwasher, and soon it's bedtime. We've sailed well past ten, and I honestly can't stand being tired in the morning. It's something I'm not enjoying in the least. When I wake up and my eyes feel like I've been punched repeatedly, and when my head just can't lift from the cold, soft pillow, I am as good as ruined. Going to bed early on school nights is key. Goodnight, then.

Vampires

2008-12-28T08:18:00.003-05:00

Warning, Twilight victims: spoilers ahead.

Happy Holidays, fellow readers of smart books. While there are plenty of wonderful happy memories for me to report from our Christmastime spent in Indiana, prior to posting about that I must unleash my haphazard albeit sincerely confused review of Twilight. I will feel better about everything knowing I've not only exhausted my eyes with this YA #1 New York Times Bestseller (wth???), but that I've also recognized the...value...in this book, for what it's worth.*For months, I've complained to Craig. Why is everyone (young teen girls, their mothers, girls my age, gentlemen, perhaps?) obsessed with something so trite as a story about girl meets boy, boy happens to be Most Handsome and Incidentally Eligible Vampire, Ever, in One Hundred Years? (note: Edward is 100, yet, he's 17 forever. Ah, fantasyland). Craig has been frustrated with my verbal reviews of a book I had not yet read. Alas, I launched myself into the Twilight challenge. Where to begin? Poor, poor author - she must be miserable. She wrote this, as Craig's girl cousins told me, at soccer practice from the bleachers watching her children? Then, after rejection ontop of rejection (wait - maybe she didn't even receive rejection letters?? I could have my backstory incorrect) she received a deal to write not just the one excruciating book filled cover to cover with YA cliches, but four of them? And then, a movie deal? Wait, probably four movie deals? Poor author must be miserable swimming in all the vampire glory and money, so I won't feel guilty slashing (biting?) this book to bits. But before I go on, I must also admit to having bought New Moon, the second installment. As if that doesn't speak worlds.*Plot summary: angst-ridden teen girl, who is a self-proclaimed (as written from first person p.o.v.) knockout, bails on free spirit mother and mother's Minor League signed boyfriend, leaving sunny, righteous Phoenix to punish said angst-ridden self by bunking with often-absent Forks, Washington resident bio dad/Chief of police in Forks. Said absent bio dad provides knockout teen daughter with ancient (foreshadowing of her to-be ancient bf??), yet super cool truck, free of charge. Daughter starts school and of course, everyone just loves her. And wait, why wouldn't her name be Bella (short for Isabella, but she prefers Bella, which she repeatedly and grumpily corrects through the first third of the book). All of the handsome teen boys admire her, but the table of pale-skinned (not yet known to be vampires) teens in the corner of the cafeteria are what catches Bella's eye. Let's just skip the boring stuff. Bella and the handsomest vampire ever sit next to one another in Biology. He clenches his fists in apparent rage and has black eyes, which mystifies her. He disappears for a few days. He reappears, this time with ochre eyes. Insert: I wonder if the author can trademark the color ochre, given the number of times she uses it to describe Edward's eyes? Bella investigates/attempts to seduce young/old Edward. Before you know it, they are happy (but sad, and mad) and in love. What do you know? She exudes the most alluring scent he's ever sniffed in a century. Props to you, Bella, for your floral shampoo or whatever it is you naturally convey to arise something in Edward that he hasn't felt in 100 years. 100 years as a teen boy and he's never been attracted to a woman as strongly as he is to Bella? That can only wreak of one thing and one thing alone: true love. Sigh, don't all of us women wish we could find the perfect, can-do-no-wrong, will-protect-us-from-all-harm vampire man to love and to love us. Thank goodness they go to prom at the end, after a perilous scene where a vampire bite from a tracker named James almost makes her a vampire, too, and of course our hero Edward sucks out the venom to keep her human, because I was beginning to think this book wasn't going to contain anything realistic! Vampires at prom. Insert scoff.*Last on my list of complaints (certainly not last, but a serious, quite serious complaint) is that I've never in my existence as a YA reader (and I read just about every YA book I could get my hands/eyes on when I was younger) held a book in my hands containing as many glares, smirks, snickers and lowered eyes as this one. By the third chapter or so, I wondered if the author was mocking me, reader. In a vampire world, my eyes may have begun to bleed from the string of glares, smirks, snickers and lowered eyes. I had to repeat them for emphasis. Luckily, installment two hasn't yet let me down - we still get the feeling Bella and Edward get some sort of sadistic pleasure out of glaring at one another.*So what did I like, and why did I read nearly 500 pages of glaring in less than 4 days, and why do I continue forward in the series? Well, the author did inject some provocative scenes (without being outright naughty) (snicker) which had me squirming. How hot would it be to have the most attractive vampire in 100 years fall in love with and want to suck the living blood from you, yet refrain because of the overwhelming love he feels? What human man ever denies basic animal instinct merely because his love is that strong?...(smirk) In addition, as a reader, as readers, a common denominator when reading is to become attached to main characters, regardless of how trite they might be. Yes, I'm rooting for Edward and Bella and their love. I'd be inhumane to not. But what is the bottom line here, and how did the author drag me into this miserable storyline of hers? Because I must know: Will Edward Let Bella Become a Vampire So They May Love Immortally...and while the Internet bares all, and I could easily find the spoiler without wasting my reading abilities on 2,000 pages of punishment, that isn't the path I'm choosing to take.*Ridiculous as it may be, the tattoo I saw on a girl's arm on the subway once recently is now ringing true as I read this series: Love is Pain.*Craig would say that I'm jealous of this author because she managed to find an agent and become published and popular. I will forever argue that if my name were tagged to something so painfully ridden with glaringly (sorry) pathetic narrative weaving, I'd want to run and hide. Although, admittedly, the money would be a welcome reward, I suppose.*To come, happy holidays with family and friends...

Festivities

2008-12-22T20:44:00.004-05:00

Today is Monday prior to Christmas Day 2008. This time last year, we were packing to travel to Cabo! Aww. That's okay...those vacations are made extra special by taking them infrequently. Last week was a blur. We ate out a lot again (we have been) and geared up for our party Saturday. I think everything unfolded swimmingly - I made some good appetizers, including chicken wontons with a dipping sauce comprised of Mirin, rice wine vinegar, green onions and soy sauce, creamy mushroom filled Phyllo triangles, various dips for crackers, a crudite tray, a charcuterie tray, and delicious cookies that Craig and I made together Friday night (oatmeal, white chocolate chips, walnuts and Craisins). Saturday we were both busy all day prepping, which included Craig's pursuit of gourmet items that I needed, cooking (me), cleaning (Craig) and basically rearranging to accommodate space requirements for 12 people in our small space! We had initially scheduled the party for 6, but most people were leaning toward an 8 o'clock arrival. Amanda, Shavonne, Alison and Scott arrived before seven. Alison and Scott brought these delicious flank steak apps that they've made for us before, with arugula, a spicy horse radish sauce and a thin slice of flank steak on baguette slices. They were a hit and were demolished in no time! Shortly people began to arrive: Julie, Adam, Moyin, Moyin's friend Patrick, Kate and Erik. Craig had stocked a full bar in order to be able to fulfill any and all drink requests. We all just lingered around eating, drinking and being merry - what more could a Christmas party hope to offer?? I'm so relieved that we did this this year.*Sunday, we woke up late (sleeping in...so nice) and Craig started cleaning immediately. I was so proud of him for everything he contributed to the party, and he just kept going Sunday despite the waves of hungover nausea that were inevitable! Ha. I went for coffees and we curled up on the couch for "Christmas". I knew one of my gifts because he purchased it last minute, and the box was exactly the shape of a hand mixer (which he replaced because his mom's cookie dough recipe burned the motor out on my old one! If only I had a Kitchenaid...sigh) He believed to know much of what I got him, but he definitely did not predict the City Shuffle deck that our co-worker discovered. Super cool - a deck of 52 cards to 52 different bars/lounges in Manhattan, and each card is a $10 gift card to the respective bar provided you spend $30. Never a problem for us. :) He bought me The Darjeeling Limited and seasons 2 and 3 of How I Met Your Mother. So sweet! Great gifts, CB! Then, we showered and prepared to head toward our big gifts for each other, the 3G iPhones. Unfortunately, we do not qualify for the "phone upgrade" until Jan. 26th of next year, at which time we have the option of saving like $200 per phone! Needless to say, we can wait one month for that savings!*We ate lunch at the Bullpen and drank a few beers, and the rest of Sunday was spent sleeping/cleaning/relaxing. Now, it's only Monday, but we head out for Chicago on Wednesday. This morning was one of the most perilous commutes I've experienced yet in New York City. The storms these past few days have settled, leaving in their wake layers of menacing ice. Normally anywhere you go in the City, you can dodge ice patches, however, not in the neighborhood where we walk 10 minutes to get to the office. We traverse a parking lot, and it was completely layered with no respite. I am terrified of falling - I always have been. To boot (so to speak) my UGGS' tread has worn smooth, so what wants to happen when slick ice meets smooth boot tread?? Luckily, with much caution (to a fault and annoying Craig!) I made it to the safety of the office without wiping out, breaking my neck and all other bones below the neck. And immediately upon slinking into my desk chair for a choresome Monday at work, I made the executive decision to purchase new UGGS. And they are dreamy and I love them. Thank you, ice fairy, for reminding me how much I love boots (which is a newfound love since living here).
Merry Christmas, KB, from KB! Happy Holidays to all.

Hallmarks

2008-12-17T21:35:00.003-05:00

Ah! Look at this little guy! He just had to jump into my bag and onto my TV.

Craig claimed we do not have enough Christmas decor for the party...so I found serving plates.

Presents? And posted below is the mug I've been wanting since I first saw it...filled with peppermint. This was the last one, I heard the cashiers say! The other side reads, "Holiday Meal Director". Huh! That's me!

Okay, so this morning found me feeling unusually brilliant and sparkling, brimming with thoughts and wonderment. But then I got to work. And my brilliance got squashed - as usual! But not before I discovered that Jeff Lindsay, the author of the Dexter books (on which the show is based) is married to a Hemingway. A Hemingway! (actually the niece of Ernest!) I was browsing around trying to wake up at my desk and wondering about the author - something I had yet not wondered - since I bought Craig one of the books and all. And thus I discovered that the literary circle yet again wrapped itself around something that I love! Yes! Vindication. Nice.*Work was abrupt and unmerciful today, I will admit. But I got through it, losing a lot of important mind indulgences that had followed me on the train this morning. Tonight, Craig and I commuted home together, which was nice for a change. Then we split ways at 86th Street, and he went in search of gifts and such at Best Buy and Pier 1 while I hit Hallmark for "decorative plates" (as seen above, I emerged with much, much more than just plates!) (Oh, and I failed to photograph the bright red plasticware, the decorative paper plates, the linen-quality disposable decorative napkins - and more!) I came home, and poor Craig had struck out right and left at his stops. I felt bad for him because he was in a crap mood from his afternoon and from his strikeouts in the evening, but he cheered considerably when he discovered that we've acquired quite a few additional HiDef channels! He browsed his bartending books for Holiday Cocktails, and we ordered Japanese from Ooki (so that I could have sushi at home, which I've never tried before!! Yums) and I wrapped his gifts, and that brings me to a tired, post-10 work night. I'm trying to live too many lives. I realize this. I want to have a day job, but my commute is long. On the train I'd like to read and be productive, but it seems to better serve "wind up" or "wind down" time. I now have two books that are needing me to read them. I want a social life at night, time to clean thoroughly, take care of Craig nutritionally and otherwise, time to sit and dream out the window...time to learn to bake amazing Christmas cookies! My manicure is chipping off again from use of my hands, but when am I going to serve 1/2 an hour at the manicurist before the party Saturday? I would love a cute sweater dress, but I don't know when to look for one. Need a haircut! Need eyebrow fix! Yelp! Need more hours in a day! Need less time reporting to something so unfulfilling! Yet, happy to be employed in this absolute mudslide of an economy.*I tried to remind Craig on our walk home just how blessed we are. He conceded. Yes, we are.

Snowfalls

2008-12-16T22:55:00.002-05:00

Tonight is our first snow of the season. I can't explain in any words how ecstatic snow makes me. It falls so peacefully, so lovely. And I posted terrible pictures for which I apologize, but I'm in such a randomly happy spirit this Holiday season, so to me, all Holiday photos are happy, and good.*We have a tree, and we're having a party this coming Saturday. I have found some seemingly amazing appetizer recipes to serve, plus Craig is bartending holiday cocktails, and for some reason, that's the only money I really care to spend this season. Hmm, except that tonight after work I walked into the chaotic Best Buy to purchase Weeds on DVD for him...season one was all "Full Screen" so I only bought seasons two and three for his stocking. Then I went next door to Barnes and Noble to find him some Dexter literature....unfortunately, the first book's cover was the Showtime image of Michael C. Hall, and, I'm sorry, books, but I do not and will not buy books with covers depicting Hollywood versions of you. So instead, I bought him the second installment, which does NOT have the cover of Michael C. Hall (considering the original character had nothing to do with him, despite how infatuated I am with Michael C. Hall, et al.)

I've also tucked into his stocking a copy of the True Blood book, and I'm going to add additional things to his stocking to make his life happier and more spirited. :) I am beginning to love Christmas, and for me, that is a milestone. Typically I hate it. So here I am, almost liking it.

Tops

2008-12-07T18:33:00.002-05:00

oh christmas tree

oh christmas tree

how lovely are your branches...

ps--sorry the photos kind of suck. hopefully will get better/more as we progress into the holiday season. if not, craig will strangle the nikon. :)

Helpless

2008-12-06T18:41:00.006-05:00

cute "snow globe" snow man from Hallmark...

he's both a snow man and a tree at the same time!
"Jeero," uncovered from bins while Craig searched for our stockings today...

he is a sweet Ugly Doll from Holly...Richmond...

wine stops that say, "Get the Jolly Started" and "Let it Flow, Let it Flow, Let it Flow"...

So today was somewhat of a disaster. We ate lunch at Genesis then headed to Pier 1. Why do I bother myself with that store? It's so overrated with nothing to back itself up. Sure, the sign that hung from the ceiling that read "Christmas Tree Bling" was cute and clever, but the bling itself? Hideous. So, we decided to jump on the subway and travel to Home Depot at 59th Street. Surely they'd have round ornaments. What a generic thing to look for, right? Nope. Home Depot was fresh out (ie., never stocked such a thing) so we figured, why not Bed, Bath & Beyond? They'd make a killing on little round cheap ugly shiny colored balls. Right? Not at all. They carried none. To salvage the trip all the way to 59th (one express stop from our 86th Street Station...lazy, I know) we bought a few odds and ends...some appetizer plates, a cute triptych tray for whatever I'd like to dish up - olives, olive oil for bread, roasted red pepper spread for crackers, plus some bar soap, some contact solution. But at this point, we were at odds. We felt completely helpless as far as shopping for Christmas ornaments goes. Craig kept saying, "But I don't understand where we're supposed to buy these?" and I kept saying, "Craig, you have to understand, I have never done this before..." and of course, neither had he. We cabbed it from 61st & 1st back to our place (lazy, again) and decided to drop off our goods (oh, we also selected store-bought Christmas cards from Barnes & Noble, after 2 creative years of doing our own with photographs/Snapfish...but we're too tired right now for that), then Craig wondered if our Hallmark Store on 3rd might be an option. Light bulb! Of course! What better place to projectile vomit Christmas within its confines than Hallmark?? Jackpot. We found Christmas stuff. But the bare glossy colored ball ornaments themselves we found next door...at KINGS PHARMACY. Two boxes, one red, one silver, of shiny and matte balls = $4.99 each. Wow, we wasted much of the afternoon hunting balls!*Anyway, the snow globe above was found by me at Hallmark. How could I resist? He's so snowy and cute. Then earlier in the day, Craig found the Ugly Doll named Jeero that Holly bought for me before we left Richmond. I love the Ugly Dolls. Holly introduced them to me while we lived there, and yes, they are just so ugly that they're cute. And last weekend when Alex was visiting, I wondered if I could find Jeero in time to give to him, because that would be a neat story for later. But, now that Jeero is in my midst, I'm changing my mind. Alex - sorry! I'm sure another Ugly Doll will find its way to you someday. And I will tell you this story, about how when Craig found my Ugly Doll in NYC and I was reminded how sweet it was for Holly to give me Jeero as a going away gift when we left Richmond, how Jeero seemed to jive well and look comfortable on the futon in the guest room. Aww, Jeero. How could I part with you after so much history together??*Off to continue to organize/clean/maintain a home. I have no idea how to make time to relax. Other than to post...*

Elements of Sincerity

Tunes

Dozens

Texts

Sunsets

Rides

Septembers

Globes

Anniversaries

Books

Crashes

Endings

Changes

Classes

Means

Pleasures

Pauses

Raboteurs

Cieux

Pavers

Euros

Mornings

Steps

Choruses

Threes

Walls

Strokes

Deaths

Alterations

Offices

Materials

Finishes

Spectacles

Teens

Confessionals

Summers

Cables

Commitments

Triumphs

Tilts

Ladders

4ths

Workouts

Stories

Icons

Albums

Reruns

Whims

Lenses

Dazes

Tags

Friendships

Coughs

RAWs

Vodkas

Homemades

Saturdays

Plans

Situations

Characters

Economies

Skillets

Banks

Chickens

Kings

Picassos

Musings

Snows

Babies

Mobiles

Vampires

Festivities

Hallmarks

Snowfalls

Tops

Helpless